Stuff You Probably Shouldn't Say at Work... Even If It's True

Jobs - most of us have them. Jobs give us a place to go to each day so we can't spend as much time with family and friends as we'd like. Jobs also put money in our pocket so we have a place to live and don't starve. Oh jobs! Where would we be without them? At any rate, since we've established that we pretty much have to work, in order to keep our jobs there are many things we'd like to say, but we can't. If we were brutally honest at work, we would lose our jobs. So basically, we sit there tense and not able to say what really needs to be said.

In case you are new to the work scene or perhaps you are just not very bright, I would like to help you out by creating a list of phrases you shouldn't really say at work. Do you know why you are so tired at the end of each day? It takes a lot of energy to keep your mouth shut every time you'd like to keep it real with the boss. In general, there's just some stuff you can't say at work... even if it is true.

1. Who brought in that horrifically ugly puppy? Oh, that's the boss's newborn baby? Ummm...
2. Wow! I totally feel revitalized after taking that 2 hour nap in my cubicle!
3. Sure, I clocked in and then went to Denny's. I came back after stopping at Target. It only took about 3 hours.
4. Hold on, I can't help you just yet. I am in the middle of a game of Tetris.
5. No, that is not in my job description.
6. If you are looking for an honest opinion, Boss, you do really look fat in those pants.
7. No, I don't recall having a meeting about that. Oh wait, this was yesterday? That is right! I was daydreaming and playing solitaire on my phone.
8. If I only had a blow torch, I could fix everything here!
9. Answer the phone? Nah, I like to let it ring. I just know if I pick it up it is going to be some annoying customer asking for help.
10. Please keep quiet... I am trying to focus on filling out this online job application.
11. I just googled the word "embezzlement." Wow... so many good ideas!
12. When did you hire her? She's been here for 2 months!
13. No, I refuse. I wish to keep what morsel of dignity I have left. Oh, I see. I can either keep my dignity or keep my job.
14. I've been doing some math, and quite frankly, I don't feel that you are paying me enough.
15. Be nice to our customers? Really? Was I supposed to be doing that all along?
16. I just sneezed all over the donuts. I hope everyone is OK with that.
17. Sorry I couldn't come in to work yesterday. I was busy catching up on episodes of Conan on TBS On Demand.
18. Whew! Don't bother going back in that bathroom for at least another hour! Too many beans for me last night!
19. Can someone hand me my nail polish? I am going to get some important work done at my desk today.
20. Oh, so you were serious about me coming in each day at 8? I thought that was surely a joke. I like to sleep in.
21. I am supposed to listen to what my boss tells me to do? I thought his ideas were merely suggestions, not orders.
22. Good afternoon, welcome to Dr. Smith's office where no one cares and we hope you leave as quickly as possible.
23. If he steals my lunch out the fridge one more time, I am stapling his mouth shut!
24. Have I ever told you about my large gun collection?
25. No, I don't really have a child. I've just had this photo on my desk for the past 2 years so I could use this fake kid as an excuse to take off from work. My fake kid is often sick!
26. I would come in to work more often, but gas actually costs more than what you are paying me, so economically it doesn't make sense.
27. Can we have a "clothes optional" theme for the next company potluck?
28. But wait... I have an opinion...

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