How do we, pitiful hubbers, get our readership?

Disclaimer:

This article is just a little piece of humour. I have no bad intentions for any fellow hubber. If any of the mentioned things, surprisingly fit on any hubber, and if he/she gets offended, I apologize for that. It is just plain humour; I made fun of me too. So just ignore everything and enjoy. Thank you!

We hubbers are some of the most pitiful creatures in this world that still exist, although very endangered. Once we decided to write online, we forgot everything else, our spouses too, but better not go there!

Every writer loves to increase their readership, but few get this mission accomplished. Script of Mission Impossible 5? Why not!

This is a bitter fact that we do not get much traffic from the Search Engines, and majority of our traffic comes from fellow hubbers’ visits, comments and feedbacks. Since, many of our pieces of crap are not worthy enough to get shared (according to Google at least), we keep sharing them by logging into the hubpages account and sharing our own hubs. Whatever crap we write; GOD we love our writings!

Also read:

SUCKING GOOGLE - A funny poem that came out of frustration regarding the page's search engine rankings and SEO techniques.

Cheap Methods that You Should Definitely Try:

There are many methods which we use openly and cheaply to get our readership from our fellow hubbers. Some of the cheap marketing tricks we use are:

1. Follow other people regardless you love their writings or not.

2. When they publish a crap hub and it is such useless stuff that you do not even read the whole stuff; leave a wonderful comment in the end.

3. How do we leave a comment when we have not even read the whole hub? You can’t do this? Increase your skills! You still do not have the perfect set of skills that a hubber needs to survive.

4. Some general comments that we use when we do not read the whole hub:

• If it is a poem – WoW! This is beautiful. Keep writing your heart out (Original thought: Please stop this shitty stuff as soon as possible. Please!)
• If it is a romantic ballad – WoW! This is truly amazing. Your husband/wife is so lucky to have you, a person who can express so beautifully his/her love. I am jealous already! (Original thought: You would have been divorced at least 36 times in a year, if your spouse would have known this is all what you say in the name of ‘expression of love’).
• If it is an information or a solution article of expository nature – WoW! (Yes again WOW! This is a custom at hubpages, deal with it) This is so useful, thanks for sharing. Voted up and useful. (Original thought: Huh. I flagged this shit hu-hu-ha-ha-ha).

5. When a fellow hubber (the ever-reluctant fan of yours. Trust me he is your fan out of necessity too. Don’t be flattered with that) leaves a comment to your hub (one of the above mentioned comments) after 6-7 days of their continuous comment, at least visit their profile once and spare a comment there too (You won’t die because of this, trust me)

These are some of the tricks we often see at hubpages (Yeah yeah, we use ‘em too!). But apart from all the jokes and humor, I seriously consider our responsibilities are more than these cheap marketing tricks. We should judge each and everything according to each article’s merit and quality. Our inner soul should work on the honor system.

By the way, I will be expecting many comments like:

• WoW! Too funny
• WoW! I laughed my ass off!
• WoW! I had a very good laugh. Thanks for sharing (Original thoughts: To hell with him!) =p