Can someone critique my new Hub?

1. 60

   Vincent Fposted 12 years ago

   Hello all, I would like to get some feedback on my new Hub. I can handle the truth lol. I would like to make it better as I have only written one other.
   
   My questions:
   
   Is there enough information?
   Is there to may amazon capsules?
   Anything else you can think of.
   
   One thing that I have noticed is that it only has a score of 56. I would like to grow that number.
   
   My Hub is at http://vincentf.hubpages.com/hub/Backyard-Games-To-Play
   
   Of course any comments would be greatly accepted but I'm really looking for feedback.
   
   Thank you if you have time to look.

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   1. 77

      Ms Deeposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Hi! I appreciate that you gave some specifics on things to comment on--that helps get me started in knowing what you are fishing for. This is an interesting hub and hope you find success with it!
      Is there enough information? A glance at the amount of text looks to me like there is enough information to read through and hold the reader's attention.
      Is there to may amazon capsules? I see some e-bay capsules, too. The rule of thumb is no more than one of these items for every 50 words. Since you have well over 400 words in your text, there are not too many of these.
      Hub score of 56: I cannot see the score of your hub, however, the score usually rises within a week of publishing.
      Other thoughts: You may not know that you can move photo capsules to the right of the text, when in edit mode and clicking on the capsule's Right Arrow. Wrapping the text around photos (unless they are big ones) means less spacing down the page for the reader. You can also do this with the Amazon and E-bay capsules, which I recommend usually be done.
      Title suggestion: I wondered whether "Games" should be the first word, since it is more the main topic than "Backyard" is. But, I Googled  "Games to Play in Your Backyard" and find that title is already used. Rather than changing the word order then, how about adding "Fun" to your current title? Googling that shows only a Yahoo! Answers question with that title (answering that question) and competes with other titles that start with "Fun".
      Use of commas: Add some commas to your text for easier reading, for example, "Besides sitting around catching up many people ...", add a comma after 'up'.
      Read through your text with a critical eye, catching also things like the missing "on" before "our camping trips" at the end of the first paragraph. Add "s" to the word 'game' at the beginning of the second paragraph. Doing this will avoid discouraging readers from reading your entire hub article.
      Link capsule: How about putting into a link capsule the link in the second paragraph. Use for the text window in it a tweek of the first sentence in your last paragraph (and removing it then from there.) I would put this link capsule near the end of the hub article (and remove "but for now that information can be found here" in the second paragraph.
      Hope this helps your hub some with more views!

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2. 56

   Dame Scribeposted 12 years ago

   I must agree with MsDee. There is a lot of breaks between text maybe too much. Float your pics and Amazon to the side and let the text 'flow'. It's a interesting read though wasn't sure if it was for college kids, single adults or family and asked myself, do I want my kids to see this? Just some thoughts. Over all, it's a great article. You shouldn't worry too much about scores they really don't serve any purpose but the scores do rise dependent on promotion, traffic and earnings.

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3. 60

   Vincent Fposted 12 years ago

   Thank you both for your time looking over my Hub. I did not know you could float the images, etc. I was actually thinking that it was kind a crazy that I couldn't while creating the Hub.
   
   I will go over the article again looking for little mistakes as well. Thank you again.

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   1. 77

      Ms Deeposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I just peeked and it looks much better!

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      1. 60

         Vincent Fposted 12 years agoin reply to this

         Thank you! Still tweaking it

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4. 60

   Vincent Fposted 12 years ago

   @Dame, I also wanted to say that I understand your thoughts on who the targeted audience is for this Hub. These are adult games to play. I have changed the title some.

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5. 61

   Norman Steinposted 12 years ago

   This is a really nice hub on a good summer subject.  After all, who doesn't want their backyard barbecue guests to be entertained with some good games.  Personally, I don't think there's enough items in your Amazon ad blocks.  The reason I say this is if a person cares enough to google backyard games they must have a party coming up and won't mind spending a few dollars for a good game, give them some more choices at different price points.  Also I don't think it would hurt putting all the best products in one block at the end of the article, since that's when the reader makes a decision whether to leave or click on something.
   
   The article is well laid out and constructed, I actually wouldn't mind more text on actual game play, number of players etc.. I think these points would be important to a reader.
   
   Now, to get your article found you have some SEO problems to fix.
   
   In the first paragraph of your hub you need to have your primary keyword twice, the first time bold it, the second time italicize it.
   
   You also need to add an H3 tag, your missing it.
   
   I assume your target keyword is 'backyard games' or maybe 'backyard games for adults'  for backyard games your KW density is a whopping 1%, you need to up this to at least 2-3%, backyard games for adults doesn't even show up in SEOquake, so you might want to add this in a few times.  Adding backyard games for adults automatically adds backyard games since it's in there.
   
   Oh, one last point.  Your hub can easily be broken down into two hubs, one for 'family backyard games' the other for 'backyard drinking games', just a thought...
   
   Anyway, I hope that helps, once again I really enjoyed your hub.

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   1. 60

      Vincent Fposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you for your thoughtful reply. I like the idea of having all the top games at the end of the article.

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