Proof Read My Hub

1. 81

   k@riposted 7 years ago

   Would someone please proof read my hub, "What Does A Nurse Do In The Operating Room?"
   https://https://hubpages.com/business/W … ting-Room/
   Thank you in advance. 

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   1. 86

      Venkatachari Mposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      This link is not working. Provide the correct one, please.

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      1. 81

         k@riposted 7 years agoin reply to this

         Venkatachari M, Sorry about the link.  Try this one:
         https://hubpages.com/business/What-Does … ting-Room/

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   2. 72

      manatita44posted 7 years agoin reply to this

      I agree with Venkatacharyaji here. The link is not opening. However, so far, from what I have seen, you writing is quite good. You have yet to master the way you shift into person speaking to person speaking about. This is major, as it affects flow, vibrancy ... let it run, like a river.
      
      Make it engaging. I still would not start with a definition. Note the two lines I gave you initially, was different from your approach, yet was still addressing the subject matter straight away. You need that 'lightness' and again I would mention billybuc, linda lum ... to have a consistent number of over 2000 followers, means that he is doing something right.
      
      Linda does not just rush into her recipes and again her writing is quite engaging. AliciaC writes on very difficult topics, but her writing is so beautiful!! So read the work of writers and continue to practice as you are doing. God speed!!

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      1. 81

         k@riposted 7 years agoin reply to this

         Mantitia, I see I really need to work on that tone shift.  I will go through it again. lol, I thought I was doing better.

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         1. 72

            manatita44posted 7 years agoin reply to this

            It is very possible. The link did not work for me. But I see that it did for others. As to the Hub that I spoke of, I have not re-visited it, so I know nothing of your changes.

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   3. 78

      TIMETRAVELER2posted 7 years agoin reply to this

      I took a quick look.
      
      Your title does not exactly match your content.  It should be "What Do Nurses Do in the Operating Room" or "The Jobs Operating Room Nurses Perform".
      
      Your first two capsules really don't fit, either.  You're not writing about what it takes to become a good nurse, etc...you're writing about the jobs nurses do in the operating room.
      
      Your intro should be something like:  There are a number of jobs nurses do when working in an operating room setting.  Then name them.
      
      Then go  into the capsules you already created.  Since you already wrote about circulators, be careful not to repeat that content here.  You might want to refer to that hub, however, with a link...for example, if you want to learn more about this particular job, ____________________ will provide this information.
      
      If I were writing these articles, I would do one on each type of nurse, as you did with circulators, rather than grouping them all in one hub.  That way you can include training, hours and then note an experience or two that a nurse like this would have during the day.
      
      One of the biggest problems writers here have is to not stay focused.  This matters a lot when it comes to quality and clarity.

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      1. 81

         k@riposted 7 years agoin reply to this

         TIMETRAVELER2, Thank you for reading.  I'm sorry I have to ask, but better to learn than not.  What is the difference between "What does a nurse do in the OR" and "What do nurses do in an OR"?  I only had 1 semester of English in college, so I am still learning. 
         I like the idea of linking to my circulator article.  I will make that happen.
         This article is meant to be an overview of the jobs.  I plan to write individual job descriptions also.  Do you think that works?

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            manatita44posted 7 years agoin reply to this

            They are different questions, K@ri, but yes, similar. The first is asking an individual question; the second is linking it to the Team. I am a nurse who have worked in Interventional Radiology (IR).
            
            One or two nurses can be assisting the doctor; another can be the 'dirty' or unscrubbed nurse doing errands such as fetching something that the scrub needs but is not on the sterile trolley. Yet a third can be the very person assisting the anaesthetist, just called by a different name. Like this, there can be a few roles and the second question will cover this better.

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         2. 86

            Venkatachari Mposted 7 years agoin reply to this

            TT2 provided a very good review of your article.
            
            His suggestion of spelling the title with the word "Nurses" instead of "a Nurse" is more appealing. I support him in preferring that title.
            
            The first paragraph is really irrelevant to your article. You should remove it.
            
            The second paragraph may be shifted to the ending part of this article.
            
            You should start with the mentioning of the different roles performed by the nurses in the OR. List the roles and then explain each one in separate capsules elaborately with good examples. You can mention their required qualifications and skills in one or two very short sentences for each role. And, you can also state how it can be improved.
            
            But, your main point should revolve around the roles and duties performed by them so as to suit the Title of your article.

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               TIMETRAVELER2posted 7 years agoin reply to this

               FYI:  TT2 is a she, not a he.  Lots of people make this mistake, just thought I'd give you a heads up!

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               1. 86

                  Venkatachari Mposted 7 years agoin reply to this

                  Okay, thank you. Sorry for the confusion. I try to remember now (even though I often forget some minute things and can't remember places and people!!!).
                  I am very much impressed with your great knowledge and writing qualities.

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                  1. 78

                     TIMETRAVELER2posted 7 years agoin reply to this

                     Gee, thanks!  Always nice to hear kind words.  I do my best, but those who have been around for awhile know that I've had a few tough times here.  Glad I'm finally making some headway!  Hope things are going well for you here, also.

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                     1. 86

                        Venkatachari Mposted 7 years agoin reply to this

                        I am not doing any fresh hubs for some months. Only trying to edit the already published 45 hubs as they are not receiving traffic except for 4 to 5 articles.
                        I am contemplating on an Accounts book (basics) even though my first book on Economics was not sold even a single copy. But, I keep hope and keep engaged.
                        Thanks for your inquiry.

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                        1. 98

                           DrMark1961posted 7 years agoin reply to this

                           Consider revising your titles first. They should be shorter and more search friendly. You should start a forum post and ask to have your best articles evaluated, make those even better, and then start working on the others.

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                           TIMETRAVELER2posted 7 years agoin reply to this

                           Put a link to one that is not doing well here and I'll take a look at it for you.

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         3. 78

            TIMETRAVELER2posted 7 years agoin reply to this

            In answer to your question...you are not talking about what one nurse does, but what several nurses do.  This should be your title.
            
            There's not a thing wrong with your use of English, it is focus that is presenting you with problems.
            
            You can write about all of the jobs the different nurses do in an OR, but I think the article would be much more interesting and personalized if you kept it to one nurse and the one job she does along with the training she has in order to be able to do the job.
            
            You can then give examples of things that happen and how the work she does deals with them.  It's up to you to decide how much info you want to add, but I think you're going to find a lot of overlap if you  include everything in one article and then try to write about the jobs of other nurses.
            
            As for linking, it's a great way to improve readership as long as you do't overdo it!

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   4. 81

      k@riposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      Ok, I have reworked this hub, cutting much out and rewording other parts.  Would anyone like to take another look at it and tell me if it has improved.  Please also tell me what I need to improve.  I have much to learn!!  Thank you. 

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2. 83

   newbizmauposted 7 years ago

   Timetaveler2,
   I really enjoyed your review of this hub. I learned quite a bit just by reading your remarks. I believe I may have some editing to do. Thank you for your guidance.

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   1. 78

      TIMETRAVELER2posted 7 years agoin reply to this

      Your more than welcome.  In my earlier years I was a Language Arts teacher.  I have also been writing and publishing for years.  Therefore, I have a fairly good eye for seeking out issues that may not be apparent to writers and that could be the very things that are holding them back.  You may want to take a look at a few of my articles to see how I structure them.  Just about all of them now sit on niche sites now.

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3. 95

   AliciaCposted 7 years ago

   Hi, Kari. I enjoyed reading your article. You're teaching me so much about a nurse's responsibilities! Since you asked people to proofread your hub, I'll share a few things that I noticed.
   
   The Scrub Nurse Role, paragraph three: "Double checking everything..." is a sentence fragment.
   Paragraph four: "Organizing it all..." is a sentence fragment.
   
   The Float Nurse Role, paragraph four: The last sentence should say "its responsibilities".
   
   I also wanted to check something in "The Circulating Nurse Role" section, which may not be a problem. I suspect that you've used nursing terminology when you say "give report" to someone instead of "give a report", but I thought I'd mention it just in case it's an error.

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   1. 81

      k@riposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you so much Alicia!  I went in and changed it a little to take care of these problems.  I really appreciate it. 

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4. 85

   SANJAY LAKHANPALposted 7 years ago

   First, change the title to something appropriate like " The Role of Nurse in Operation Theatre", or "A Nurse (Working) in Operation Theatre", etc. with the same hyperlink.

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   1. 86

      theraggededgeposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      Sanjay, neither of those titles are grammatically correct.
      
      In the US, an operating theatre is called an Operating Room (OR), so your first suggestion would be written as:
      
      "The Role of a Nurse in the Operating Room"
      
      The second one doesn't make sense. Why would you put 'working' in parentheses?

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