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Well, I took the plunge. I wrote the first Hub.

  1. peachpower profile image61
    peachpowerposted 5 years ago

    I am relatively new to the community, and I would sincerely love some feedback.

    I don't know if I am even posting in the correct place to ASK for it. Ha!! THAT'S how wet behind the ears I am here!!!

    Please feed free to rip it to shreds, if you can find it.

    Thanks smile

    1. Shadesbreath profile image86
      Shadesbreathposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      I read it. It's very touching, and the last half is very compelling reading. I think it's an excellent start, especially for a first hub.

      Here's what I would suggest:

      1. See if you can't find some pictures, at least one or two to add to it. Maybe one of your mom if you want, although that might be too personal, so maybe something of brain scans or brain charts, just something to add a little color and break up the text. Just a thought.

      2. You give out your kid's schedule and the town you live in. I realize nobody knows who you are, but, if you share this around much, and people figure out a link to a facebook profile, etc.... I'd say maybe you should at least lose the reference to what city you are from, if not entirely emitting the particulars of school schedule. "pick up the kid from school" is good enough I think to carry that story perfectly fine without the extra details.

      3. Your using a hyphen for an em-dash a lot and it can be a bit distracting. To fix, hold down the alt key and type 0151 and you'll get an em dash. (Instead of:  We thought it was great- until we saw it" you get "We thought it was great—until we saw it).

      Nice work, very compelling and sad story. I wish you the best in weathering that particular storm. Welcome to HP.

      1. peachpower profile image61
        peachpowerposted 5 years agoin reply to this

        Thank you so much- for both the feedback and suggestions. This is a whole new world for me, but it's time I break out of the box. Do you know if that alt + 0151 will work on a Mac? <3

        1. Shadesbreath profile image86
          Shadesbreathposted 5 years agoin reply to this

          I have no idea on the Mac thing, probably not if there's no alt key.

          Here's a list of ways to do it, including Mac:  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dash