I'd like feedback on my Hub., A Trip To Goa

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   Adam Harkusposted 2 years ago

   I've decided to chronicle my trip to Goa in 2006. I'm upto chapter 7 now, and I've also created a parent hub which includes an introduction to the series and links to the chapters.
   
   http://hubpages.com/travel/A-Trip-To-Goa-Contents
   
   So far I've gone against hubpages advice that I should break up the text in the chapters with subheadings etc, as I dont want the reader to be broken out of the flow,  which, judging by the positive comments so far, seems to be appreciated.
   
   Anyway, i'd love to know your thoughts on the progress of this series of articles, which I hope I'll continue with for some time.

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      theraggededgeposted 2 years agoin reply to this

      It's a bit short. I realise you want a sort of contents page to lead people into the connected hubs but I think you need more text.
      
      The URL is 'a-trip-to-goa-contents'. No-one will be searching for that.
      
      "it's people. it's culture, and of course not forgetting it's magnificent food!" All those it's should be its. No apostrophe in the possessive article.
      
      The descriptions of the connected hubs i.e. part six of my trip to India - you don't need to include all those repetitions, instead use that space as a brief intro to the linked hub. I did a similar one for 16 tarot court card hubs, and made sure that each link had a standalone description, making the hub a decent length.
      
      HTH.
      
      Edit: Re-reading your message, it's clear you want feedback on all the other hubs too. I'll leave others to have a go at those

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         Adam Harkusposted 2 years agoin reply to this

         All fair points thank you, I'll act on them when I have a bit more time. Much appreciated.

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      Marisa Wrightposted 2 years agoin reply to this

      That Hub will be unpublished if you don't do more with it.
      
      You're on the right track with your concept.   Your "contents" Hub is what's called a "Capstone Hub" and used to be actively encouraged.   However, to be accepted as a Capstone you need to do the following:
      
      (a) for each Hub in the series, add three or four lines of useful description instead of just "part 1 of..."   What is the Hub actually about, e.g. what aspects of the trip does it cover?
      
      (b) write a much longer introduction - this Hub should be a proper introduction to your trip, not just  "here's a list of chapters"
      
      I would add another image and finish the Hub with a video about Goa (take a look on Youtube and find one that gives a good overview of the place).

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         Adam Harkusposted 2 years agoin reply to this

         Great advice, I'll update it accordingly. Many thanks!

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      Old Poolmanposted 2 years agoin reply to this

      Adam - I'm just loving the story and the way you tell the story makes me feel like I was with you on that trip.  I wouldn't change a thing if it were me doing the writing.
      
      Some of the suggestions you are receiving are probably good and worth consideration.  But this is your story about you and your journey.  It would not be the same if you hired a professional writer to do the writing.

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         Adam Harkusposted 2 years agoin reply to this

         Very kind once again Mike. I'm truly humbled that quite a few people are getting into the story and in particular my writing style, so I wont be changing things too much, but it still pays to take advice from the 'experts' as it were (Bev and Marisa in particular) which is also greatly appreciated.

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            Old Poolmanposted 2 years agoin reply to this

            There is no doubt you are getting some good advice from some real experts.
            
            I however read this as if you and I were enjoying a beer out by the pool and you were telling me this story.  What would you do different between telling me the story and writing it down on paper for me to read later?
            
            I guess the real question would be what do YOU hope to gain by taking the time to relate your experiences to others who may be interested.  If you are doing it for your own enjoyment, and the enjoyment of your readers, I wouldn't change much of anything.
            
            If you hope to earn income from your writing than there are changes that would enhance the readability, but would that make the story better?  Only you can make that decision.

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   TedWritesStuffposted 2 years ago

   Just read the first one.. Think a few pictures would help.. just to give taste..beaks up the words...

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      Adam Harkusposted 2 years agoin reply to this

      Yeah absolutely, later chapters are broken up a bit more with pics. Thank you.

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   Marisa Wrightposted 2 years ago

   My main feedback on your other Hubs - if your Hub is one long chunk of text, it will fail, guaranteed. So you've got some revision ahead of you.
   
   At a minimum, you need a photo - and because it's a travel series, readers will expect more than one.  If you don't have enough of your own, search for photos you can use (I have a Hub about how to use photos legally, you'll find it in the Spotlight on my profile).   
   
   Split your text up over several capsules, so you can add photos in between.
   
   You also need sub-headings, so readers can skip to the section that interests them. 
   
   I would also be searching Youtube for good videos about Goa, ones that reflect your experience of the country. 
   
   All those things will make your Hubs more readable.   But I do think you have a much bigger problem:
   
   No one really cares what happened to you in Goa, because they don't know you.   What they want to know is, how can your experiences help them avoid the same mistakes?  How can they take the same trip and have just as much fun?  What tips can you give them?  What ideas can you share? 
   
   If you write with that in mind, rather than just relating your adventures as you'd tell them to a friend, you'll get far more readers.

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      Adam Harkusposted 2 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks Marisa,  the later chapters are split up with images as you say, so I'll work towards always doing it.
      
      Please bare in mind that the whole point of the story is about a personal journey, observations and experiences. Its not meant to be skipped over, and if that means less traffic thats ok because it's been enjoyable writing it and some kind folk who have taken their time to read it have enjoyed it too.
      
      I never set out to write a factual article on Goa that people could skim over.

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         Marisa Wrightposted 2 years agoin reply to this

         My concern is that if you get new people arriving at the Contents page or the first Hub, you're missing an opportunity to draw them in and convince them to follow along to the later Hubs.
         
         Old Poolman explains it well though - if you're happy with those few readers then that's absolutely fine.   Most writers want their work to be read, and I was just trying to explain how that could be done. 
         
         It doesn't mean that your Hubs have to become dry facts about Goa - that's available elsewhere.  They can still include funny stories about mishaps and encounters with people, your own personal reactions to sights and experiences, etc.  People can learn from them.

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            Old Poolmanposted 2 years agoin reply to this

            Excellent advice Marisa.  I would have to say you know what you are talking about.

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   Peter Grujicposted 2 years ago

   Hi Adam- I like it very much. My only recommendation is to proofread a little. There are several sentences with need of punctuation. The Well in paragraph one should be we'll. I know- petty! Keep making small changes until the editors are OK and you do not change the flavor of your article which is quite excellent.
   
   Take Care

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   Adam Harkusposted 2 years ago

   Thanks Peter, I do tend to get a bit carried away and want to publish quickly, so yeah I do need to give it more once-overs.

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      Old Poolmanposted 2 years agoin reply to this

      Adam - It is extremely difficult to proof read your own work.  For some reason our minds skip the same errors over and over.  If you have someone that could read it before you publish I can almost guarantee they will find some things you missed.  At least that is how it works for me.

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      Peter Grujicposted 2 years agoin reply to this

      I do the same thing Adam- I go back and find silly errors months later. It is well written and enjoyable. If you get feedback from 20 writers on here, you will get 20 different opinions. Follow your own heart and judgment.  Take Care!

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