I'd like feedback on my Hub: Does your child head bang?

1. 70

   DadKnowsbestposted 8 years ago

   Hi Hubbers,
   
   I'd like some help with passing the Quality Assessment Process. Will you please give feedback on my Hub Does your child head bang? (must be signed in to view). What can I do to improve? Thanks!

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   1. 85

      Ilonagardenposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      One thing I see is that you have large amounts of unbroken text. Try adding appropriate headings, and  lists when useful.
      
      Perhaps segregate personal information from scientific and identify facts.

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   2. 78

      theraggededgeposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Hi there,
      
      I can see several problems with your article.
      
      You need to break the text up into shorter paragraphs. On idea/point = one paragraph. Remember that most people are reading on mobile devices and most can't be bothered to wade through large blocks of text.
      
      Put your title into title case.
      
      Your writing is a little 'rambly'. It could do with a good pruning to remove unnecessary words. For example.
      
      "If you have a child that head bangs, like me you will know just how scary and upsetting in can be when you experience your child doing it for the first time. This can especially be the case if you have no prior knowledge that something like this even exists. "
      
      "The first time you see or hear your child head banging is scary and upsetting. Especially if you had no prior knowledge that head banging even exists."
      
      Can you see that I covered everything you said in one and a half lines? You could make your writing much more readable if you go through it and cut out all the 'dead wood'.
      
      Read through your text aloud, you might spot some obvious mistakes. For instance, human's ears don't prick up. A person might say, "My ears pricked up at the sound of..." but you wouldn't say that about someone else - because the picture that you put into readers' heads is of your wife with puppy ears.
      
      There are a lot of grammatical errors. Try pasting the text into Grammarly. It's free online. Watch out for punctuation errors too... "the wall dividing our bedroom from our sons." Should be son's.
      
      When writing any number under 10, you should write it in full: three years old.... by the age of three or four.
      
      The image of the children dancing is not relevant to the content and it is pixelated. That, alone, will prevent your hub being featured.
      
      If you could clean this up and make it a little more professional, it would be a useful and informative article.
      
      Hope that helps.

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      1. 70

         DadKnowsbestposted 8 years agoin reply to this

         Thank you very much for this reply, I really do appreciate the constructive criticism. I will go over the article again and take into account everything you have said. Thanks again.

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         1. 78

            theraggededgeposted 8 years agoin reply to this

            That's okay. I only spend a lot of time on hubs that have potential

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      2. 70

         DadKnowsbestposted 8 years agoin reply to this

         Also what do you mean by Title case? Do you mean the title should be in Upper case?

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         1. 78

            theraggededgeposted 8 years agoin reply to this

            Yes, mostly. Some words aren't capitalised in titles.
            
            Does Your Child Head Bang? is correct.
            
            http://www.grammar-monster.com/lessons/ … e_case.htm
            
            Edit: this also applies to sub-headings.

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2. 52

   Advawposted 8 years ago

   young children who bang their head on the wall suffer of some kind of disturbance and should be immediately checked by their doctor and or child psychologist. It is possible the child has issues he cannot express not having language skills yet and cannot communicate his stress.

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