I'd like feedback on my Hub: Jagga Jasoos: an innovative idea presented in the m

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  1. Suramya Vyas profile image63
    Suramya Vyasposted 17 months ago

    Hi Hubbers,

    I'd like some help with passing the Quality Assessment Process. Will you please give feedback on my Hub Jagga Jasoos: an innovative idea presented in the most innocent manner possible (must be signed in to view). QA team has stopped my article from getting publish because according to them it contains spammy elements. But I am not able to figure out which type of spammy element is there in my article.
    Also I have tried to improve on the mistakes I did in my earlier article reviewing Spiderman-homecoming​. What can I do to improve and get my article published? Thanks!

  2. pen promulgates profile image60
    pen promulgatesposted 17 months ago

    Hi Suramya.

    1) Why there is a glare add (Amazon product) in the article? What significance/relation does it have with your article?

    2) Your punctuation is messed up. You put comma after a space after the word end. I have seen more than 3 instances of that.

    3) Hope your images are legal to use?

  3. Suramya Vyas profile image63
    Suramya Vyasposted 17 months ago

    1) Amazon pages can be used in your article if the product has relation to topic on which you are writing
    2) Agreed
    3) yeah I have used Google Images and given the source also.

    Thanks for the review

    1. Marisa Wright profile image96
      Marisa Wrightposted 17 months agoin reply to this

      You say, "Amazon pages can be used in your article if the product has relation to topic on which you are writing".   So what does a pair of sunglasses have to do with the movie you're reviewing???

      If you use an Amazon capsule, the product must be directly related to the title of your Hub.  In this case, that means the only Amazon product you could use would be a DVD of the film - but it's not available, so you can't.

      Google images are not free to use.

    2. theraggededge profile image96
      theraggededgeposted 17 months agoin reply to this

      Hi Suramya,

      I noticed you haven't responded to the suggestions given to you in your other thread yet. Maybe you could take a look. There's no point writing new hubs until you understand what you are doing wrong on on the first. Otherwise, you are doomed to repeat the same mistakes.

      I haven't looked at this one, but you need to know that you cannot take images from Google and republish them. You could receive a demand for payment for illegal use. Please read HubPages' policy on image use:

      https://hubpageshelp.com/media/Learning … -image-use

      1. Suramya Vyas profile image63
        Suramya Vyasposted 17 months agoin reply to this

        Yeah I got know....
        Thanks...I have made changes my my new hub...
        And implemented this

        1. Suramya Vyas profile image63
          Suramya Vyasposted 17 months agoin reply to this

          I have tried to implement all the changes.
          Being a non native speaker, there may be issues of grammar which are difficult to solve.
          I have tried to give proper punctuations wherever I found that it is required. Also I have given proper citations to all the images which are free to use.
          Please let me know where I am lagging now in a his article.

  4. chasmac profile image96
    chasmacposted 17 months ago

    Why haven't you fixed the punctuation errors pointed out by pen promulgates, especially spaces before commas? I can appreciate the difficulties involved in writing in a foreign language, but removing a space before a comma isn't all that difficult. There are so many instances of that error that if you start at the beginning and remove every space that shouldn't be there, by the time you get to the end, you'll be an expert in pre-comma space removal.

  5. pen promulgates profile image60
    pen promulgatesposted 17 months ago

    @ chasmac: OMG, your Hubber score is 100. Congrats. My jaw dropped to that.

    1. chasmac profile image96
      chasmacposted 17 months agoin reply to this

      Thanks, Pen Promulgates - But as you can see, it never lasts long.

  6. pen promulgates profile image60
    pen promulgatesposted 17 months ago

    @ Suramya,

    Read your article first slowly then loudly.

    I am sorry to say but apart from punctuation errors, the sentence construction is poor. Sentences do not connect logically to one another, mainly because of incorrect tenses and dangling modifiers.

    Hubpages has high quality standards.

    Raggededge and marketing merit have already mentioned this and have given you good advice to make your article better on another thread on the same article.

    Below are few more pointers:

    Your title is still awkward particularly the line 'in the most innocent manner'

    Let's look at your first sentence:
    'The movie is actually a flashback given by Shruti to a group of children ,telling them about the adventures of a boy named Jagga'

    Even though you have put a comma before the the dependent clause 'telling them about... .. Jagga.' — which again is incorrectly punctuated (space problem)
    It looks like the clause is modifying the noun children.
    In reality it is modifying the noun 'shruti.'
    The better way to construct is:
    The movie is a flashback given by Shruti who is telling a group of children a story about the adventures of a boy named Jagga.

    Next is: 'Jagga takes Bagchi to the hospital and treats him by himself'
    Treats him by himself? ...  Weird

    After that: 'Bagchi , who is called "Tooti Footi" by Jagga because of his fractured leg. Touched by the care by which he got treated Bagchi adopts Jagga.'

    Problems:
    1) Incorrect punctuation (again)
    2) If you mentioned who, it needs to say more. But, your sentence ends abruptly.
    3) Either remove ' who' (Bagchi is called tooti-footi' by Jagga because of his fractured leg)
    4) Or remove the period from the next sentence and modify the first sentence properly. Bagchi, who is called tooti footi is touched by the care...

    There are many errors like these in the other sentences too.

    It needs a lot of working dude. smile

  7. Suramya Vyas profile image63
    Suramya Vyasposted 17 months ago

    Thanks for your reviews.

    Yeah I will try to write the article again and then post it.

  8. Suramya Vyas profile image63
    Suramya Vyasposted 17 months ago

    @chasmac
    You mean to say
    Pen, paper is right.
    Pen ,paper is wrong.???

    1. psycheskinner profile image83
      psycheskinnerposted 17 months agoin reply to this

      Yes.

  9. Suramya Vyas profile image63
    Suramya Vyasposted 17 months ago

    Thanks.
    I will repost the article after making the corrections

  10. Suramya Vyas profile image63
    Suramya Vyasposted 17 months ago

    Hi friends
    I have removed the error of " space before comma", tried to give proper punctuations and improved my construction of sentences.

    I know the level of grammar is not the best.
    But is it enough to be featured????

  11. chasmac profile image96
    chasmacposted 17 months ago

    You still have two instances of a space before a comma. You also have at least one instance of a comma followed by no space. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to find and fix them.

    1. Suramya Vyas profile image63
      Suramya Vyasposted 17 months agoin reply to this

      chasmac I thought I have fixed it...
      Ok.i will have a look at it again and tried to fix it.
      And again post it... thanks

  12. pen promulgates profile image60
    pen promulgatesposted 17 months ago

    True, aside from that, I am wondering if movie reviews are granted publication on HP. Isn't it like a saturated topic? I have seen Hubbers struggling to get movie review published on HP.
    Your article still needs much reworking!

    1. tsmog profile image80
      tsmogposted 17 months agoin reply to this

      The Niche (Vertical) Site Reelrundown has a sub-section 'Movies'. It is full of movie reviews. Here is a Link to it.

      1. Suramya Vyas profile image63
        Suramya Vyasposted 17 months agoin reply to this

        Tsmog thanks..
        If in a couple of attempts again my article is not published then I will go for this site..

        1. theraggededge profile image96
          theraggededgeposted 17 months agoin reply to this

          You can't. Only HubPages can move your article there. tsmog is responding to pen promulgates.

          If you go to the top right of this page and click on Chronological, you'll be able to read the thread properly.

          1. Suramya Vyas profile image63
            Suramya Vyasposted 17 months agoin reply to this

            okk.....thanks btw i have given it another shot...
            i guess now the spaces before punctuation error is sorted

  13. pen promulgates profile image60
    pen promulgatesposted 17 months ago

    Ah. That's great then. Thanks tsmog.

  14. FatFreddysCat profile image98
    FatFreddysCatposted 17 months ago

    Lots of people post reviews of movies, TV shows, music, theatrical performances, concerts etc. on HP (I am one of them).  As tsmog pointed out, HP has established niche sites for such things.

    If the OP's article still isn't getting published/featured then the problem is either its lack of English language proficiency, its formatting issues, or both.

  15. Suramya Vyas profile image63
    Suramya Vyasposted 17 months ago

    okk.....thanks btw i have given it another shot...and reposted that
    i guess now the spaces before punctuation error is sorted..

  16. pen promulgates profile image60
    pen promulgatesposted 17 months ago

    Hey Suramya,

    It's good to know you are determined to get your article published, and you are working very hard for it.

    One more tip I can give is, look at the movie reviews written by other Hubbers and see how they do it.

    You can refer to this link:
    http://hubpages.com/@coffeequeeen

    She he has given reviews for a few movies. They are featured. Her formatting, language, and style all are simply good. You can a learn from them to make your article more impressive. Also, go through reviews done by FatFreddysCat (the Hubber who has given his comments above in your thread) he also has an excellent way to review. His articles have been moved to vertical sites too.
    All the best.

  17. pen promulgates profile image60
    pen promulgatesposted 17 months ago

    Suramya,

    The rating capsule is only for recipes.
    Look at the capsule, the heading clearly says Recipe. Even when you click the personal rating option, it gives description that rate a product, place or service.

    1. Suramya Vyas profile image63
      Suramya Vyasposted 17 months agoin reply to this

      Thanks for sending the link.
      And so can't I use the rating for movie reviews??

  18. pen promulgates profile image60
    pen promulgatesposted 17 months ago

    Some more corrections

    Reoword these line:
    'Jagga in no time reaches' to Jagga quickly reaches..

    'Touched by the care by which he got treated Bagchi adopts Jagga' to 'Touched by the care received from the helpful boy, Bagchi adopts Jagga.'

    Every thing was fine until one day Bagchi gets chased by a group of people headed by an evil Police Officer(played by Shukla) to 'Everything has been fine until one day when a group of people headed by an evil Police Officer (played by Shukla) starts chasing Bagchi'
    (keep the use of tenses proper. You started with a simple past tense and then jumped to simple present. The time or the activity didn't end or finished. As there is continuation (of events) from the past to the present,  Present perfect or present perfect continuous tense  should be used.

    The father-son duo try to disguise the officer and his team, but the officer identifies them.
    You write disguise the officer, it means they are hiding the officer himself. What you want to mean is they are hiding/masking from the officer. As they are running away.
    Better construction is, The father-son duo through disguise try to fool the officer and his team, but the vigilant officer identifies them.

    Nobody can understand the first line of your sentence 'The cassette was not only got Jagga's birthday wish from his father, but also it contained a new lesson of life.'
    I don't know how to rephrase it.

    There are many errors in sentences one after the another.

    I can see you are working hard to get your article featured, but it is time you thought how substantial your article is.

    If the language is unclear, HP won't publish it ever.

    Hope these help. Tc.

    1. Suramya Vyas profile image63
      Suramya Vyasposted 17 months agoin reply to this

      Thanks for your concern.
      Again I will do the corrections and try to make it publish

  19. pen promulgates profile image60
    pen promulgatesposted 17 months ago

    I have never seen experienced Hubbers use the rating capsule for movies in their featured hubs. Besides, the capsule clearly says for recipe and is only under recipe heading.

  20. pen promulgates profile image60
    pen promulgatesposted 17 months ago

    Good luck. Analyse your sentences carefully. Any sentence that's not clear in meaning needs reworking. Take help from the link I sent. Try increasing the length of the hub. Also, make the title more catchy. Like, Jagga Jasoos, a Detective Movie Very Unique!

    1. Suramya Vyas profile image63
      Suramya Vyasposted 16 months agoin reply to this

      YEAH, FINALLY I HAVE PUBLISHED BOTH MY ARTICLES AFTER EDITING. WHATEVER I THOUGHT COULD BE DONE.
      IF ONE OF THE  TWO ARTICLES IS PUBLISHED THEN ONLY I WILL WRITE ANOTHER REVIEW.

  21. pen promulgates profile image60
    pen promulgatesposted 16 months ago

    Good luck!

    1. Suramya Vyas profile image63
      Suramya Vyasposted 16 months agoin reply to this

      Well still the article didn't get publish.
      I have made a few changes and published it.
      Please see to it

  22. pen promulgates profile image60
    pen promulgatesposted 16 months ago

    I am sorry to hear about that,
    What is the reason given by the QAP team in the email?
    Are you sure images are legal to use?
    I checked further, you can use the rating capsule, but don't use the one in the recipe heading.
    Start your article with paragraph. A description, not the star cast.
    Make sure your article is more than 800 words.

    You may want to check this link
    https://reelrundown.com/movies/Film-Rev … rers-Stone

    Good luck!

    1. Suramya Vyas profile image63
      Suramya Vyasposted 16 months agoin reply to this

      Finally the article has been published
      I would like to thank everyone on this poll who gave me suggestions.
      Special thanks to pen for giving constant reviews

  23. pen promulgates profile image60
    pen promulgatesposted 16 months ago

    Wow! Congrats for the first article.
    See, you did it smile

    1. Suramya Vyas profile image63
      Suramya Vyasposted 16 months agoin reply to this

      Yeah..special thanks to you
      Having problems with the other article of spiderman-homecoming
      Trying to.solve that one
      Hope to get inputs from you

  24. pen promulgates profile image60
    pen promulgatesposted 16 months ago

    Ha ha. Sure. Incorporate advice I gave a few minutes back and see the review of Harry Potter.
    Let me see the link of Spiderman in your forum. Good luck with that.

 
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