Could you please give me feedback on my second hub?

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  1. sarahspradlin profile image93
    sarahspradlinposted 19 months ago

    This is probably the kind of topics I would like to cover so I would love your feedback please. Thank you so much! … ter-Parent

    1. TIMETRAVELER2 profile image98
      TIMETRAVELER2posted 19 months agoin reply to this

      I took a quick look and here are my first impressions:

      Your sections are far too long.  Break them up.

      Your subtitles do not tell the story.  They should.  The way they are now, they seem very disconnected.

      The article seems very scattered.  You need to unify your sections so that they are organized and so that your reader understands what you are saying.

      You write beautifully and have a good flow, but I got lost in the wordage.

      Also, although I love the quote at the beginning, using quotes is not the best idea. Perhaps you can paraphrase it and include it in one of your sections.

      I'd like to see more photos of kids and adults, too.

      Just my opinions, but give some of them a try and see what you think.

      1. sarahspradlin profile image93
        sarahspradlinposted 19 months agoin reply to this

        Thank you for your feedback! I notice that the paragraphs were too long. I will definitely go back and break them up some more and I did go ahead and change the beginning picture because someone else thought it was offensive anyway haha. However I will look at everything you said and try to apply them. I'm so new to this but am so exited. Thank you!

        1. TIMETRAVELER2 profile image98
          TIMETRAVELER2posted 19 months agoin reply to this

          That's spelled "excited".

          I read what a few others here had to say and think it was a good warning for you to be careful about how you word things and express opinions.  You have to remember that our work is seen worldwide to all sorts of people, and the last thing you want to do is offend anybody.

  2. Stephanie Purser profile image81
    Stephanie Purserposted 19 months ago

    Hi Sarah,

    Taking a look at your hub, I found that your guide is relevant specifically to the states. Might want to note in title or summary that it refers to an American context.

    But mostly, I wanted to say that being a foster "carer" is important! However in my country this article is wildly offensive. Because you are not the child's parent. The picture in the beginning says 'another person's child call me mommy'.... that is just a bit outrageous and highly unethical!

    I'm deeply concerned about the nature of your article and the reasons inferred for wanting to be a foster carer. They sound like reasons to adopt unwanted children not to take those that already have parents and pretend they are yours.

    I don't think that's what is stopping you from passing the QAP but maybe consider using words like 'carer' instead of 'parent' and lose the heart felt quotes.


    1. sarahspradlin profile image93
      sarahspradlinposted 19 months agoin reply to this

      Hello Stephanie. I appreciate your feedback. I did change the picture because I realized that you were right and it did seem to be more appropriate for adoption. It was just a quote that my friend sent me who adopts and fosters. I am not sure as to what else would be inappropriate. Maybe it is because of the different countries? In my opinion I did not say anything at all that would be considered offensive. In fact in more than one place I stated that the goal of fostering is to get them back to their families assuming it is what is best for the child. However, in America we are trained to treat them as our own and love them as our own. Maybe your country is different and that is why it seems offensive. I apologize for offending you.

  3. Marsei profile image93
    Marseiposted 19 months ago

    I do notice there are some sentence fragments in your piece.  For example, "those who have not been tainted by the world" (paraphrased) is not a sentence.  Oftentimes, you need a comma, as in (paraphrased)"They prefer miniature versions of themselves, those who have not been tainted by the world."  Hope this is helpful.  I think you'll find a few such instances.

    1. sarahspradlin profile image93
      sarahspradlinposted 19 months agoin reply to this

      Thank you! I definitely need to work on that! I appreciate you reading!


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