I would like feedback on my short story.

  1. sarahspradlin profile image81
    sarahspradlinposted 6 weeks ago

    I wrote this in the 9th grade and have always loved it but feel there are some things that could be changed. I would LOVE your thoughts on it. It is very short. Thank you in advance!

    https://hubpages.com/literature/So-I-Wa … h-Spradlin

    1. Jeremy Gill profile image87
      Jeremy Gillposted 6 weeks ago in reply to this

      This is a good, concise read (you wrote it in 9th grade? Impressive). My ideas are pretty nitpicky:
      1) Put a comma before the phrase "with the ruffles."
      2) Should "pa" be capitalized? Maybe it's just a style preference on my end.

      Now, you'll hear many Hubbers tells you that HubPages isn't really designed for short stories or poetry.. and they're right, to an extent. I expect such Hubs will have trouble accumulating views. They're also short on media content (photos/videos), and the word count here is pretty low too.

      That doesn't mean you shouldn't create work like this if you enjoy doing so, just be aware of potential hurdles you may face. Best wishes.

  2. Stephanie Purser profile image82
    Stephanie Purserposted 6 weeks ago

    Hi Sarah,
    Jeremy is right, Pa is a name therefore should be capitalized. I enjoyed your short story! It was exceptionally well written!