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I'm sure there's all kinds of grammatical errors but I would like your feedback on the overall story. Thank you!
https://hubpages.com/literature/Deal-wi … hort-Story
Hi, Sarah. Like you say, a few grammar errors, and some sentences could be reworded (change "They would have never allowed it" to "They never would have allowed it"). Normally I'd say add more pictures to give breaks from the text, but given the narrative format, that's not necessary here. As you likely know, HubPages hesitates with creative work, preferring informative pieces, but I'm still glad to see stories like these; I greatly enjoyed the tale.
Poor Alana, if only the adults hadn't withheld information from her (both the old man over the phone and her aunt). How many of us have said we'd "do anything" for a goal when in reality that phrase is just hyperbole? Alas, to her peril, Alana's words are taken literally. Also interesting to think that phone guy has the power to make the deal *for* other individuals. Some guy at the Burger King drive-through forgets phone guy's packets of ketchup? Deal with the devil on him.
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