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I'd like to get some feedback on my article

  1. Sherry H profile image84
    Sherry Hposted 8 weeks ago

    Hi! I am newbie to HP as well as to writing in general. I joined HP to improve and work on my writing skills. Seeing so many wonderful writers and reader their amazing articles helps me halfway though I'd need some feedback on my article to know if I'm going the right way.
    https://hubpages.com/health/Nutrition-F … hould-Know

    1. TIMETRAVELER2 profile image99
      TIMETRAVELER2posted 7 weeks agoin reply to this

      Hi Sherry:  Welcome to HP

      First, let me say that I really like the way you presented the visual label with the tags, etc.  Makes the rest of the article much easier to understand.

      However, you need to simplify your sentences to make them easier to read and also try not to use repeat words and their derivatives.  If people cannot understand what you are saying they won't read your work.

      Here is a brief example:

      Your paragraph:

      Understanding nutrition facts on the label is important to manage our nutrient consumption as per the recommended allowance of nutrients intake in order to manage weight as well as to avoid risks of chronic heart diseases, nutritional abnormalities etc.

      Suggested paragraph:

      It's important to understand the labels on the food we buy because the information they provide can help us to manage our weight and avoid diseases.

      Also, don't use terms such as "etc.".  Instead say something like "heart disease, abnormalities and issues of similar ilk".

  2. Ivan Hernandez profile image92
    Ivan Hernandezposted 8 weeks ago

    Sorry, but I can't help you. Last time I criticized an article with your quality, I insulted the article and the writer, and that got me banned for 7 days. I'm afraid you're going to have to get a lot of help from the experts here at hubpages. theraggededge, Marissa, and FatFreddyscat will hep you, not to mention Rupert and the other experts.

  3. chasmac profile image95
    chasmacposted 8 weeks ago

    Your article has potential but needs some language improvements,. Look:

    " It has information on the nutrients generally required to be consumed at high amounts as mosteoclast of AmericanS do not take enough of these."
    What does mosteoclast mean - and why are you singling out Americans?

  4. Sherry H profile image84
    Sherry Hposted 8 weeks ago

    Thanks Ivan Hernandez and chasmac.
    Mosteoclast is a typo and Americans I mentioned probably because the data I provided later was a report of American diet. But, I agree I shouldn't have singked Americans out. Just changed the introduction paragraph which I didn't mean to write first time.
    Thank you so much chasmac for pointing the mistakes out. Hoping to Improve.
    Than you Ivan Hernandez I see what you are saying is true. I'm aware I need a lot of improvement and this is why I'm writing the hubs.

  5. Rupert Taylor profile image98
    Rupert Taylorposted 7 weeks ago

    There are a few issues with this, grammar is one of them. I've selected a few sentences as examples; comments and corrections in brackets.

    "Do you use this knowledge on a daily-basis (no hyphen) for consumption of food, drinks and snacks.(needs a question mark) If you don't I suggest we start from (cut from) today.

    "Below is information about the label contents. (semi-colon not period followed by lower case w) What they represent, (and) how they're important? (no question mark; it's not a question) Refer (to) the image below for understanding (to understand) how to the read nutrition Facts (should be lower case f) quickly."

    Sub-heads should be in Title Face.

    Also, this is a saturated subject. A Google search for "Understanding Nutrition Labels" delivered 2.2 million hits. How is your article going to stand out from the crowd?

  6. DrMark1961 profile image99
    DrMark1961posted 7 weeks ago

    Sherry, you need to really pay attention to that last paragraph in RupertĀ“s comment. The income might not be important to you, but if you have few readers you will probably not feel good about writing more. No matter what you decide to write about, think about how you are going to make your article stand out from the crowd.
    (I prefer to write about canine health issues, but there was so much competition from other sites that my articles were never noticed. I had to shift my focus and write about picking the right dog for the right situation, and you may find out that you have a special knowledge on some issues that will help you rank with the search engines.)
    Also, you need to look into Googles YMYL policy and how it is going to affect anything you choose to write about health.

  7. Sherry H profile image84
    Sherry Hposted 7 weeks ago

    Thanks TIMETRAVELER2, DrMark1961 and Rupert Taylor. I really appreciate your replies. Next time I write I'll definitely take care about grammar and also learn about Google YMYL policy. I'd like to go through your articles. I've gone through few already and they're amazing. Got a lot to learn.

    1. TIMETRAVELER2 profile image99
      TIMETRAVELER2posted 7 weeks agoin reply to this

      It takes a long time to learn how to write a good, searchable article so don't expect miracles.  I have been here six years and am still learning!  Happy Holidays.

  8. Sherry H profile image84
    Sherry Hposted 7 weeks ago

    smile To you too