Tongue Firmly in Cheek

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  1. IzzyM profile image89
    IzzyMposted 8 years ago

    Wrote a new hub this afternoon, just for fun. It is topical, relating to a new news item today. Would someone like to read it in it's entirety and comment, please? Pretty please? I don't usually do 'satire' if that is what it could be described as, should I leave it as it is, or go a bit further over the top?

    1. ThoughtfulSpot profile image69
      ThoughtfulSpotposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Can you link to which hub it is?  I checked your profile, but I'm not sure which hub to read!

      I liked your profile though, sounds like a very interesting life.  I, too, just recently joined here because I love writing but have been away from it for many, many years.  Hoping to brush up on some old skills and learn a lot of new ones about writing online.

  2. IzzyM profile image89
    IzzyMposted 8 years ago

    Hi ThoughtfulSpot:)
    Welcome to hubpages...LOL...like I'm an oldtimer!
    Sorry the link is
    http://hubpages.com/hub/New-Green-Initiatives-Maybe

    1. ThoughtfulSpot profile image69
      ThoughtfulSpotposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks.  I'll try to check it out later today.

  3. ThoughtfulSpot profile image69
    ThoughtfulSpotposted 8 years ago

    Ok, I'm not great at criticism, but I'll try and turn off the "obsessed with being liked" button and do some constructive points here.

    First of all, I think its a nice first attempt at this style.  Although, I think I might call it sarcasm, or skepticism, rather than satire.  (Not a bad thing, though, its good to look at serious subjects with a sense of humor - and, I personally, am a huge fan of sarcasm.) 

    The first few topics could use a little revision, I think.  At first, I wasn't sure where you were going with this and you just came off as kind of negative.  I think you really got into your groove around the banning of beans category.  That's when I started to realize that this was intentionally humorous.  I might expand your first paragraph to help illustrate the intent of the article.  A reader sometimes adjusts better to a certain style if they know what to expect.  (I think I would have found your first few segments more amusing and less negative if I realized the tone of your piece.)

    The comment about the 83% (instead of 80, or 85) might be a good place to give the reader a taste of what is to come.  That was funny! (Maybe expand a little, giving your take on what percent will come from each industry or person?  Ex. - "I can only assume that the breakdown will be as follows considering the specific 83% dictum.  Automakers 1%, Big Oil 1%, Government 1%, average American household 80%." or something.

    Other than that, good for you for trying something new! I definitely laughed quite a few of your comments.  Good luck!

  4. IzzyM profile image89
    IzzyMposted 8 years ago

    Cheers Hun:)
    You have definitely given me the encouragement I need to go back and change a few things, like you suggested. And thanks for the comments.
    I didn't know where the hub was going either until I got to the bean column because I just sat down and threw it out really quickly, but you're right, I should go back and lighten the whole tone of the hub from the start.
    Now comes the HARD work! LOL

  5. IzzyM profile image89
    IzzyMposted 8 years ago

    OK I've made some changes which I hope will make the hub look better:)

    1. ThoughtfulSpot profile image69
      ThoughtfulSpotposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Home with the kiddos today, so I only had a chance to skim, but I like it so far! Great job on the re-write!

 
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