My new Hub!

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  1. Rupert Taylor profile image97
    Rupert Taylorposted 9 months ago

    You did ask for feedback. Here it comes.

    First, you are not supposed to use the forum to promote your articles.

    Second, the link at the end of the piece is spammy.

    Third, your article is poorly written edu-babble. "Education among the years faced different challenges." That doesn't make any sense.

    "Some issues may relate to" is not a sentence and then carries on after a line break with

    "Domestic issues or family matters."

    By now, I've given up reading because I'm irritated by the poor presentation and the fact that I'm learning nothing.

    1. DrMark1961 profile image96
      DrMark1961posted 9 months agoin reply to this

      I do not think she is using the forum to promote her article. We have been told by HP staff to post articles that need to be improved. Her article needs a lot of help, and that is exactly what you are doing at exactly the right place.

      1. TIMETRAVELER2 profile image97
        TIMETRAVELER2posted 9 months agoin reply to this

        I think the confusion comes when the term "Check out my new hub" is the problem.  This does not sound like someone asking for help, it sounds like someone wanting people to read it and then tell the OP they loved it.  Usually, someone asking for help states the request that way, so I can see Rupert's take on this.  If everybody did what this person just did, we'd spend all of our time looking at posts that ask us to read people's work.  That's not what the forums are for.  If someone needs assistance once in awhile that's different, but I can see where this situation could be abused.

        1. DrMark1961 profile image96
          DrMark1961posted 9 months agoin reply to this

          Yes, I see your point, but this hub is not even going to pass QAP as it is. I hope she is trying to get a head start and fix it. If she just wants people to read it, and is not really looking for feedback, then he is definitely correct.

  2. DrMark1961 profile image96
    DrMark1961posted 9 months ago

    1.Get rid of the abstract/introduction/conclusion subheadings. You are wrting on the internet. Look at other articles on your subject that are popular on a niche site.
    2. You do not need to list your keywords. Delete them.
    3. Where is your bio? Since you have no bio and reference wikipedia the reader will assume you know nothing about this subject.
    4. What Rupert said.

  3. Glenn Stok profile image96
    Glenn Stokposted 9 months ago

    First of all, you posted this in the wrong forum. But having said that...

    Your present introduction is meaningless and it lost me. If I were not reviewing this for you I would have stopped right there. However, you do have some useful content, and this is what you need to do:

    Move your “Conclusion” capsule to the top and change its subtitle to “Introduction” - that makes a tremendously better intro than the intro you have. Get ride of the present introduction. It will only lose your readers.

    Move the Abstract to the end and you can call that your conclusion. You just need to reword it a bit to improve it and make it work as an ending. But what you said in that capsule has some useful content for a conclusion. You might want to call that a “Summary”.

    Once you do all this you will be giving a better answer to what you are promising in the title right up front. Remember that people doing an Internet search want instant gratification. You need to give that at the beginning. If the reader feels you gave them something useful, they will keep reading. If you lose them at the start, they will be gone.

    One more thing: You should create a bio for your hubs.

    1. Noork11 profile image70
      Noork11posted 9 months agoin reply to this

      Thank you very much Sir for your reply. It helped me a lot! I did everything you told me. I would love it if you take a look at it again and tell me what you think about it after editing. I just wanted to thank you for helping me not just judging. I will love to hear from you after you review it for me.

      1. Glenn Stok profile image96
        Glenn Stokposted 9 months agoin reply to this

        It’s better, but it still needs work. The paragraph such a long and should be broken up more. It’s difficult for people to read online and there are four paragraphs should only have two or three sentence is at most.

        The introduction is much better now, but the conclusion at the end doesn’t work.  Read it out loud to yourself as if you were one of your visitors reading your article. Try to think of it that way and you will see what I mean. The conclusion should be more like summarizing what you discussed and putting the pieces together. Try to make it to that.

        You also need to use title capitalization on all subtitles.

  4. Titia profile image95
    Titiaposted 9 months ago

    I think you should use a proper link for your references. Use the link capsule for that.

    1. Noork11 profile image70
      Noork11posted 9 months agoin reply to this

      Thank you smile It is my first time to post a forum about an article. So, still new to it.
      i appreciate your help.

      1. DrMark1961 profile image96
        DrMark1961posted 9 months agoin reply to this

        Noor, it looks a lot better now than it did this morning. You can still work on improving the text part of the article and adding more substance (there should be more to know about creativity than this) but it is definitely headed in the right direction.
        Keep at it! You are getting there.

        1. Noork11 profile image70
          Noork11posted 9 months agoin reply to this

          Thank you very much for your help Sir. Glad to know that! smile
          It is a basic article, that's why i am not putting everything in details.
          I appreciate your help.

 
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