I'd like feedback on my article: Thugs Of Hindostan

1. 48

   SKAIisTheCriticposted 6 years ago

   Hi Hubbers,
   
   I'd like some help with passing the Quality Assessment Process. Will you please give feedback on my article? What can I do to improve? Thanks!
   Here is my article: Thugs Of Hindostan (must be signed in to view)

   replyreport
   1. 76

      theraggededgeposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      Hi Skalis, it's a good idea not to ask for help with multiple articles all at the same time.
      
      I'd say the problems with this one is mainly grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. For example "the swashbuckling at the seas." Should be 'on the sea'. Also there is a lot of random capitalisation of words.
      
      Lose the upper case and italicised words.
      
      Have you got permission to use all those (probably) copyright gifs? You have to be very careful with republishing material that you don't own.
      
      Hope that helps. Good luck.

      replyreport
      1. 48

         SKAIisTheCriticposted 6 years agoin reply to this

         Hi theraggededge,
         
         I have removed all the gifs from my article alongwith the upper case and italicised words. Can you please help me in understanding what more is wrong with it. I tried to use proofreading too but hubpages still refused to feature my article.
         
         Thanks a lot for your valuable time and help

         replyreport
2. 65

   psycheskinnerposted 6 years ago

   Here are some thoughts
   
   ****“Thugs is a sumptuous eclair candy that turns annoyingly sticky and gives you a tooth-ache at last”.
   
   Who is being quoted here and is it fair use?
   
   *****This film is a – precedent that brings out the distinction between an exhibition and a work of moving art, before the mass audience.
   
   I have no idea what this means.  My best interpretation is 'this movie is the first to show how art differs from exhibition'.  Which still doesn't really mean anything.  Also the punctuation is misplaced.
   
   *****This distinction is the outcome of the screenplay(a lesson on what not to do).
   
   Also ungrammatical.  If you want to say the screenplay is badly written and it had [whatever?] effect on the movie, just say so.
   
   ***The narrative is yet again a revenge tale - a kid avenging the murder of the parent(s) – a template that even director Vijay Krishna Acharya's previous films exploited(Tashan and Dhoom-3).
   
   This is beginning to be informative but incorrect punctuation is still an issue specifically no blank space before "(" and, using hyphens instead of em dashes "--", and a run on sentence.
   
   That's as far as I got and probably as far as someone hoping to learn about the film would get. I would suggest emphasizing direct and useful phrasing over fancy flourishes that seem to go awry.
   
   IMHO, of course.

   replyreport