I'd like feedback on my article: Crowd Funding as a Source to Buy a Church Bus

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  1. Charles Kaufman profile image54
    Charles Kaufmanposted 14 months ago

    Hi Hubbers,

    I'd like some help with passing the Quality Assessment Process. Will you please give feedback on my article? What can I do to improve? Thanks!
    Here is my article: Crowd Funding as a Source to Buy a Church Bus (must be signed in to view)

    1. OldRoses profile image96
      OldRosesposted 14 months agoin reply to this

      Spend some time reviewing the information in the Learning Center (Help button, upper right).  That will tell you everthing you need to know to properly write and format articles on HubPages.

  2. AliciaC profile image98
    AliciaCposted 14 months ago

    Hi. Here are my suggestions.

    You need to replace the photo because it’s advertising your business. We aren’t allowed to promote a business on HubPages. (You should also consider changing the “About” section of your profile because at the moment it’s an advertisement for your company.)

    The article is a bit short. Its length means that the number of times that you’ve used the word “church” is very noticeable. You should try to make the article at least 750 words long. An article length of 1,000 words would be even better.

    I'm puzzled about how you could tell that a bus would increase church attendance by 100%.

    1. Charles Kaufman profile image54
      Charles Kaufmanposted 14 months agoin reply to this

      Hi Alicia,

      Thanks for your feedback. We have made several edits to our article and implemented your suggestions too. But its still not going live on Hub. Please check this out https://hubpages.com/autos/Crowd-fundin … Church-bus

  3. theraggededge profile image98
    theraggededgeposted 14 months ago

    The word 'church' appears, oh... just 35 times big_smile

  4. Charles Kaufman profile image54
    Charles Kaufmanposted 14 months ago

    Hi,

    We made several edits to our article but its still not going live. Please help....
    https://hubpages.com/autos/Crowd-fundin … Church-bus

    1. theraggededge profile image98
      theraggededgeposted 14 months agoin reply to this

      You've still used the word 'church' 35 times. That means it's 'keyword stuffed'.

      There's no need for all those photos, two would suffice.

      Essentially it's an advertisement. Which is unsurprising considering your profile says you are a bus dealer. You cannot promote your business here. HubPages is a site for writers, not marketers.

      I can't see any way of getting this through QAP.

      1. Marketing Merit profile image97
        Marketing Meritposted 14 months agoin reply to this

        I also counted bus/buses 44 times in the text as well as a further 11 in headers and photos.

        As already explained Charles, you need to remove some of the photos. The engine photos should go, together with one of the wheelchair lift.

        There are also some grammatical errors in your bio and text which you should check.

        You need to focus on the aim of the article, away from promoting your business. So you may write about,  X Benefits of Buying a Church Bus or How to Fund a Church Bus etc.

        As OldRoses has said, you should visit the Learning Centre to find out more about the 'house rules' for articles.

        There is also a Style Writing Guide which you should check out.

        Good luck!

  5. Charles Kaufman profile image54
    Charles Kaufmanposted 14 months ago

    Hi guys,

    Thank you for your valuable feedback. We have changed the title and reduced the number of images. And also used several synonyms to reduce the repeated use of words like church from 35 to 13 and bus from 44 to 12.

    Please advise if we need to make more edits to get this article published here.
    https://hubpages.com/autos/Crowd-fundin … Church-bus

    1. theraggededge profile image98
      theraggededgeposted 14 months agoin reply to this

      If you are trying to drive (s'cuse pun) traffic to your business, it is self-promotion and won't be allowed.

      Your profile is still an advertisement.

      You have to decide if you are here as a writer or as a business. Because the latter is not permitted under HubPages' Terms of Use.

  6. AliciaC profile image98
    AliciaCposted 14 months ago

    Your article looks much better than when I last saw it. One problem that remains is the grammar errors. For example, the article contains sentence fragments. In addition, there's a period after the first subtitle, which shouldn't be there. You should go through the article carefully to find the errors.

  7. Charles Kaufman profile image54
    Charles Kaufmanposted 14 months ago

    The new status of the article is published but Not Featured - Quality. Sorry but what would that mean?? What is the benefit of posting to this site if we cant add our website URL or our phone number ?? How do we benefit from investing our time into this site ???

    1. AliciaC profile image98
      AliciaCposted 14 months agoin reply to this

      Hi, Charles. We benefit from this site by earning money from the advertisements that are placed on our articles and viewed by the public. In order for the ads to be placed, the article must be featured. HubPages wants our articles to be of high quality. They won't feature an article if they think that it has a problem.

      I think the quality problem is related to the grammar errors and the structure of the article. Some of your paragraphs are very long.

    2. theraggededge profile image98
      theraggededgeposted 14 months agoin reply to this

      The benefit is that writers are able to earn from their writing. They are not here to promote external websites and businesses.

      It's not easy; it's not quick. It takes skill and patience.

    3. Marketing Merit profile image97
      Marketing Meritposted 14 months agoin reply to this

      Take a look at this hubber: https://hubpages.com/@robhampton  Rob services pools and uses his experience to help others.

      You can link to your website and social media pages via your profile.

      I have re-read your article and note that you have inserted a paragraph listing six benefits. Ideally, these should expanded upon with a paragraph of their own. The content doesn’t match the title. Try and look at it from a reader’s perspective and what you would expect to find in the article.

      Also, I see you have changed your bio to something that is now irrelevant. The fact that you refurbish these buses is what gives you the necessary credibility to write about this topic. Your original bio was fine, aside from one typo/grammatical error. You can make reference to your family, if you so wish, on your profile page.

      Most of the answers you are looking for can be found by reading published articles. It is a steep learning curve, but once you master the format, your next article will be easier to write.

      Good luck!

  8. Charles Kaufman profile image54
    Charles Kaufmanposted 14 months ago

    I read one can earn $100 from advertising.
    1. How many articles are required to earn $100 ???
    2. What should be the maximum word count of an ideal paragraph ???

    1. AliciaC profile image98
      AliciaCposted 14 months agoin reply to this

      It's impossible to answer question one with certainty. It depends on how successful the articles are. For many people, it requires lots of articles and a significant amount of time.  The Learning Center article below explains the situation.

      https://hubpageshelp.com/money/Learning … y-HubPages

      The answer to your second question depends on the content of the paragraph. I would say that your longest paragraphs are about twice as long as they should be. As I'm sure you know, its very important that they are split in a logical way and not simply to make a paragraph shorter. I suggest that you correct the grammar errors before you think about splitting paragraphs.

  9. Charles Kaufman profile image54
    Charles Kaufmanposted 14 months ago

    Hi,

    Google docs and Grammarly helped us fix a some 6 errors and typos in the article. Does this still has grammatical mistakes ???
    https://hubpages.com/autos/Crowd-fundin … Church-bus

    1. AliciaC profile image98
      AliciaCposted 14 months agoin reply to this

      The article looks better every time I read it. I like the fact that you’re now using multiple text capsules. Some grammar problems remain, however. For example, “And will have a negative impact on the institution's finances in the long run” in the first text capsule is a sentence fragment (an incomplete sentence). The word “institution” shouldn’t be capitalized. The section in your first text capsule beginning with "For example" is also a sentence fragment. Drivers wage should be driver’s wage.

      The article contains other grammar problems, so you need to go through it again.

  10. Charles Kaufman profile image54
    Charles Kaufmanposted 14 months ago

    Hi Alicia,

    Sorry but are you using some Softwares to find these typos and grammar errors ???

    1. AliciaC profile image98
      AliciaCposted 14 months agoin reply to this

      No, I'm not using software.

  11. Charles Kaufman profile image54
    Charles Kaufmanposted 14 months ago
  12. Charles Kaufman profile image54
    Charles Kaufmanposted 14 months ago

    Eureka!

    I finally ran it through MS Word and found all the typos, grammar errors and fragment sentences you were referring to. This is the final result. Do you think its good to be approved now???
    https://hubpages.com/autos/Crowd-fundin … Church-bus

  13. Charles Kaufman profile image54
    Charles Kaufmanposted 14 months ago

    Hi hubbers,

    This is my second article, I tried to follow all the rules but for some reason it got rejected twice. Can someone please advise what went wrong here:
    https://hubpages.com/autos/How-to-start … s-business

    1. Beth Eaglescliffe profile image97
      Beth Eaglescliffeposted 14 months agoin reply to this

      You've put a link to your website in the article. HP sees that as spam as it's promoting your business.

  14. Charles Kaufman profile image54
    Charles Kaufmanposted 14 months ago

    Thanks a million! I forgot about this rule......lol!!!

 
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