Joke Thread Heard any good ones lately?

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   DzyMsLizzyposted 5 years ago

   I think we can all use some laughs about now... Here's one I just heard:
   
   A fairly religious guy named Jim, in a farmyard accidentally trips and falls down a deep well. As he is falling and falling, he reaches out and grabs a root that is growing from the inside of the well.
   
   He hangs on for dear life and looks back at the circle of sunlight above  him, from where he fell. He yells, "Is there anybody there?" 
   
   Just then a darkish cloud comes and blocks out the sun, and a deep booming voice comes from the cloud and says to him , "JIM---I AM THE LORD THY GOD HAVE FAITH IN ME; LET GO OF THE ROOT; LET GO OF THE ROOT!"
   
   im thinks for a moment, and then yells back, "Is there anybody else up there?"

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      always exploringposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      This made me laugh out loud. I wish I had a good one, we need to laugh. Thank you for brightening my day.

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      alambientertainmentposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      Haha! That's hilarious

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2. 61

   paradigmsearchposted 5 years ago

   The American dentist parked his brand new Lexus right in front of the office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out, a car came along too close to the curb and completely tore off the driver's door.
   
   Fortunately, a cop in a police car was close enough to see the accident and pulled up behind the Lexus, his lights flashing. But, before the cop had a chance to ask any questions, the dentist started screaming hysterically about how his Lexus, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter how the body shop tried to make it new again.
   
   After the dentist finally wound down from his rant, the cop shook his head in disgust and disbelief. "I can't believe how materialistic you dentists are," he said. "You are so focused on your possessions you neglect the most important things in life."
   
   "How can you say such a thing?" asked the dentist.
   
   The cop replied, "Don't you even realize your left arm is missing? It got ripped off when the car hit you!!!"
   
   "OH, MY GOD!" screamed the dentist... "MY ROLEX IS GONE!"

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      alambientertainmentposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      Haha! He's not even worried about his arm; he cares more about the Rolex.

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         paradigmsearchposted 5 years agoin reply to this

         I am not a fan of dentists these days, especially the ones in my town.

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   2. 75

      DzyMsLizzyposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      ROFLMAO!!

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3. 80

   bhattucposted 5 years ago

   Both the jokes are worth reading and one gets the time spent back yearning for more.

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4. 84

   Doneta Wrateposted 5 years ago

   I enjoyed the one about the dentist.  That one is funny. The first one kind of bothered me.  Not that Jim should have let go of the root.  I don't like God being portrayed as asking that under those conditions.

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5. 82

   drylenposted 5 years ago

   The gamekeeper on a highland estate comes across a man scooping water with his hand out of a burn.“Dinnae dae that mon the waiter is fu oh coos piss and authing” said the gamekeeper.The man replied ”sorry I am an American tourist could you speak slower and in English so I can understand you. ”I said use both hands you get more water that way” replied the gamekeeper.
   
   I hope you can understand the Scottish dialect

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   1. 75

      DzyMsLizzyposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      ROFL

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6. 80

   bhattucposted 5 years ago

   Mackey was a golf addict and was also a good player. There was a golf course where he practiced and just at one end of it a cemetery was there. Many times people took dead bodies to cemetery through the road on the sides of golf course. As a sign of respect Mackey used to bow his head and then resumed his practice. The fellow golfers were impressed with this. One day when a coffin with a body was passing by, Mackey not only bowed his head but also made a cross on his chest and sat down and offered a long prayer to God and then stood up to resume the game. Everyone was surprised on such an elaborate gesture and asked him who was it.
   Mackey told them that it was his wife.

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      always exploringposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      Laugh out loud funny!

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      DzyMsLizzyposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      LOL

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7. 72

   ddsurfscaposted 4 years ago

   3 men crashed onto a deserted island.  They were walking and exploring what was on the island they were stranded on.
   "Wouldn't it be funny if we found a genie bottle " one of them said.
   They looked down and saw a bottle.  One of them picked it up and rubbed it and they were shocked when a genie came out and said "your wish is my command, but because there are 3 of you
   ...you each get one wish".
   They first man knew what he wanted and that was to be saved from this island and be back home.
   Poof and he disappeared.
   The second man said,"I know....i want a million dollars and a mansion....and poof...there it was.
   The third guy was unsure and asked if he could think about it a while.  The genie said yes.
   The man was so happy he felt he had to sing....and the last tune he had heard on the radio came to mind....so he sang it. 
   "Oh I wish I were an Oscar Meyer wiener.....and poof!

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   1. 84

      Miebakagh57posted 4 years agoin reply to this

      Jokes? Yes, all were "fake news."

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      DzyMsLizzyposted 4 years agoin reply to this

      ROFL!  Genies are so damned literal...

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