Jump to Last Post 1-12 of 12 discussions (28 posts)
  1. Gaget Girl profile image70
    Gaget Girlposted 14 years ago

    Lets face it
    English is a stupid language.
    There is no egg in the eggplant
    No ham in the hamburger
    And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.
    English muffins were not invented in England
    French fries were not invented in France.

    We sometimes take English for granted
    But if we examine its paradoxes we find that
    Quicksand takes you down slowly
    Boxing rings are square
    And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

    If writers write, how come fingers don't fing?
    If the plural of tooth is teeth
    Shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth?
    If the teacher taught,
    Why didn't the preacher praught?

    If a vegetarian eats vegetables
    What the heck does a humanitarian eat!?
    Why do people recite at a play?
    Yet play at a recital?
    Park on driveways and
    Drive on parkways
    How can the weather be as hot as hell on one day,
    And as cold as hell on another

    You have to marvel at the unique lunacy
    Of a language where a house can burn up as
    It burns down
    And in which you fill in a form
    By filling it out
    And a bell is only heard once it goes off!

    English was invented by people, not computers,
    And it reflects the creativity of the human race
    (Which of course isn't a race at all)

    That is why
    When the stars are out they are visible
    But when the lights are out they are invisible
    And why it is that when I wind up my watch
    It starts
    But when I wind up this poem
    It ends.

    1. profile image0
      daflaposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Cute.  Did you know that English is the hardest language in the world to learn, because it has so much of this stuff in it?

      Like too, to, and two; and words that are spelled alike but pronounced differently, or have two different meanings, or can be either verbs or nouns. 

      Most languages have set rules, but English is such a conglomeration of words and rules from so many other languages, that it's just a mess!

      Oh...but there really is an eggplant that looks like tiny eggs.  Non-edible, but it exists.  It's called the Easter Egg Plant.

      1. Misha profile image65
        Mishaposted 14 years agoin reply to this

        I'm afraid this is an overstatement. I think Asian languages are hardest to learn for Western culture people...

        1. Gaget Girl profile image70
          Gaget Girlposted 14 years agoin reply to this

          It's only harder for you to understand because it looks so different to what you are used to. I bet if you had to learn the language you will soon realize that it isn't as difficult as it may seem.


  2. robie2 profile image79
    robie2posted 14 years ago

    English is deceptively simple at the beginning--no genders, no cases, you learn the verb to be in the present tense and a few nouns and adjectives and boom you think you are speaking English but then the fun begins......sooooo many words for the same thing with only subtle differences in meaning and so many irregularities and idioms.... like the plural of mouse is mice so why isn't the plural of house hice? The poem is really a good illustration.....I not only don't know how anyone ever learns English-- I don't know how one could begin to teach it.  It is such a disorganized, if lovable, tongue:)

    For a good laugh at the expense of the English language click on the link


    1. Gaget Girl profile image70
      Gaget Girlposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Yeah, there are so many variations and words that make no sense! If i wasn't born speaking English I would find it very hard to learn... You know, I thought French would have been a hard language to learn but it's really quite simple once you've established the simple rules.


      1. profile image0
        Ananta65posted 14 years agoin reply to this

        It's all a matter of perception, preference and aptitude, I guess. I am Dutch and I had much less difficulty learning English than I have ever had with French and other Roman languages. Nevertheless, English IS a stupid language *lol*
        Having said that, I can tell you that Dutch also has its peculiarities, mind you.

  3. Mark Knowles profile image58
    Mark Knowlesposted 14 years ago

    And ~ English people do not call it an eggplant. We call it an aubergine. big_smile

    1. Gaget Girl profile image70
      Gaget Girlposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Well I guess whatever tickles your pickle LOL

      1. Mark Knowles profile image58
        Mark Knowlesposted 14 years agoin reply to this

        big_smile Actually it is a fruit smile

        And all but one of the words in your first stanza are American words, not English

        Eggplant, Hamburger, English Muffins and French Fries. smile

        Although I thought they had been legally renamed "Freedom Fries."

        1. Gaget Girl profile image70
          Gaget Girlposted 14 years agoin reply to this

          They still speak English don't they? smile

          1. Mark Knowles profile image58
            Mark Knowlesposted 14 years agoin reply to this

            Depends on your perspective smile

            1. Gaget Girl profile image70
              Gaget Girlposted 14 years agoin reply to this

              LOL Ok fair enough then wink

    2. Junkster profile image60
      Junksterposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Wow, never knew that.  I've been wondering what the hell an eggplant was for years!

      The more I know!

      1. Mark Knowles profile image58
        Mark Knowlesposted 14 years agoin reply to this

        Took me years to discover what a Twinkie was smile

  4. Eileen Hughes profile image83
    Eileen Hughesposted 14 years ago

    I loved the poem it was really true.  But as a kid I had a lot of trouble with learning, simply because of the different words with the same meaning like too, to , two,  their, there, bear, bare  and so on.
    My son was dislexic and he spelt words back to front.  Oh boy what a hassle that was.  Even his own name he always wrote it back to front.   I really feel sorry for people coming from another country to learn our language.

    Then again in writing there is different terminology. cliches, oh brain gone dead cant think but you all know what I mean if not then thats life..eh what.

  5. Misha profile image65
    Mishaposted 14 years ago

    Eggplants?! yikes

    1. Gaget Girl profile image70
      Gaget Girlposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      They are not the tastiest LOL

      Just in case someone wants to know what they look like here's a pic:



      1. Misha profile image65
        Mishaposted 14 years agoin reply to this

        And they speak English?

        1. Gaget Girl profile image70
          Gaget Girlposted 14 years agoin reply to this

          Yes, Eggplants do speak English, didn't you know?

          We have wonderful conversations...


          1. Maddie Ruud profile image74
            Maddie Ruudposted 14 years agoin reply to this

            Technically, eggplants speak American English, and aubergines speak British English.

  6. Gaget Girl profile image70
    Gaget Girlposted 14 years ago

    Only joking... Just in case someone thinks I'm bonkers LOL


  7. compu-smart profile image89
    compu-smartposted 14 years ago

    As a born n bred londoner (from England) or is it the UK.!\?

    I think you are all patronizing me,,,,Or is it "pay"tronizing!!!


  8. vietnamese profile image70
    vietnameseposted 14 years ago

    Geez, reading this post made me want to take out the two eggplants I bought last weekend to fix up some grilled eggplants.

  9. terenceyap07 profile image61
    terenceyap07posted 14 years ago

    Gadget Girl,

    I really enjoyed this script when I first saw it somewhere else. Hmm, let's see... could it perhaps be from this link:

    http://osdir.com/ml/cms.xaraya.curiosa/ … 00046.html

    Why did you substitute the word "observation" with the word "poem" in the last line? This could have been an exact reproduction if not for that one-word-swop.

    Perhaps the answer is blowing in the wind.

  10. Rochelle Frank profile image91
    Rochelle Frankposted 14 years ago

    It's a great discussion.
    English is 'stupid' in that it doesn't follow  rigid rules like some other languages-. It does have rules, but there are always exceptions that allow for great creativity.
    It borrows liberally from many other languages. Part of this is because the English, and Americans  have always been explorers and open to other cultural influences. Perhaps that is why writers appreciate English expressiveness.  German comes close, especially with its elongated combined forms. Most languages owe a dept to Latin and Greek.
    I don't know much about Asian languages

  11. mobilephone guide profile image61
    mobilephone guideposted 14 years ago

    nice lol
    imo, the hardest language to learn is japanese.

  12. dineane profile image71
    dineaneposted 14 years ago

    terenceyap07, I'm with you. Clever, but it's already out there.

    I know this is the "fun" forum, but is anyone else bothered by these re-posts of stuff that's been circulating forever?

    No offense to the OP, I get them in my inbox every day. And I sometimes get amused by something I haven't seen before, but it just frustrates me to keep coming across the same 'ole, same 'ole emails on the forums.


This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://corp.maven.io/privacy-policy

Show Details
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)