Aussie Bush Etiquette

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   writeronlineposted 14 years ago

   I realise that Australian Bush Etiquette is recognised throughout the civilised world, but we all need to be reminded from time to time.
   
   (NB:I didn't compile this list myself, but the information's too valuable not to share. If the original compiler wants to reveal him/herself, I'll be only too pleased to give credit where its due.....)
   
   If anyone needs help translating, just ask.
   
   IN GENERAL: 
   
   1. Never take an open stubby to a job interview...   
   2. Always identify people in your paddocks before shooting at them.
   3. It's tacky to take an Esky to church.
   4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it's time to change the sheets.
   5. Even if you're certain you're included in the will, it's rude to take your ute and trailer to the funeral. 
   
   EATING OUT:   
   
   1. When decanting wine from the box, tilt the paper cup and pour slowly so as not to bruise the wine.
   2. If drinking directly from the bottle, hold it with only one hand.
    
   ENTERTAINING AT HOME:
    
   1. A centrepiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist..
   2. Don't allow the dog to eat at the table, no matter how good his manners.
   
   PERSONAL HYGIENE:
   
   1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this should be done in private, using one's OWN ute keys.
   2. Even if you live alone, deodorant isn't a waste of money.
   3. Extensive use of deodorant can only delay bathing by a few days.
   4. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a no-no, it alters the taste of finger foods and if you are a woman it can draw attention away from your jewellery.
   
   THEATRE / MOVIE ETIQUETTE:
   
   1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up after the movie ends.
   2. Refrain from yelling abuse at characters on the screen. Tests have proven they can't hear you.
    
   WEDDINGS:
   
   1. Livestock is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
   2. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A tracksuit with a cummerbund and a clean football jumper can create a tacky appearance.
   3. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for the occasion.
    
   DRIVING ETIQUETTE:
    
   1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if your gun's loaded and the roo's in your rifle sight.
   2. When entering a roundabout, the vehicle with the largest roo bar doesn't always have the right of way.
   3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
   4. When sending your wife down the road with a petrol can, it's
      impolite to ask her to bring back beer too.

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2. 59

   dutchman1951posted 14 years ago

   lmao....
   
   you forgot about not throwing a rabbit over the Fence!!!!!

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      writeronlineposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      er, I think that's actually when the bunny rodent hasn't quite been cooked through on the barbie (barbecue), the correct etiquette then being to, "throw the rabbit UP, over the fence"..

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3. 71

   earnestshubposted 14 years ago

   I lived in the outback, and ignore most of that fancy stuff!
   
   I do know it's good to have a few rules though.
   
   I don't get the dog to lick his balls as a party trick anymore, although if he decides to do it himself, I usually draw attention to it with a loud guffaw.
   
   I got in to trouble with the missus the other day for farting in bed then holding her head under the blankets, but I think it was the beans wot done her in.
   
   I like to think of myself as a modern man, just not quite metrosexual yet.

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      writeronlineposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      I overheard a couple of metrosexuals (I think, are they the same as  homosexuals..?) at the pub the other day, watching a dog licking his balls out in the beer garden, and one said to the other " I wish I could do that.." and the other one said "Go and ask him, he might let you.." But the farting in bed, jeez mate, that's a bit rough.

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4. 62

   CASE1WORKERposted 14 years ago

   i need a translation-
   
   what is an esky and why is it tacky to take it to church?

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      CMHypnoposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      An esky is a cool box to put your beer in, and a stubby is a short bottle of beer - invaluable knowledge when you live just north of London!

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         CASE1WORKERposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         we would need one today, unlike yesterday, the sun is shining

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      writeronlineposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      In Oz, an Esky is the term for a plastic insulated container big enough to hold copious amounts of beer, and keep them cold for an extended period - like a long-winded church sermon for instance. Why it's tacky, I'm not sure, I'd have thought the good Lord would have enjoyed a coldie or two (bet you can translate that for yourself..). I believe people in other countries use these containers for food, perhaps not understanding their true purpose. In NZ they use the term Chilly Bin; more descriptive, written down, but confusing the way the Kiwis pronounce it - "Chully Ben" . Hope this helps.

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5. 60

   recommend1posted 14 years ago

   I thought Aussie bush etiquette was to only shave down both sides to leave a 'badger' !

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      writeronlineposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      In that case you'd probably worry about the meaning of the term 'bush basher', but no, we don't have badgers in OZ, mostly we have furry magnets or landing strips, but the odd sheila has been known to show off her Brazilian at the Desperate and Dateless Ball -but only outback..

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6. 74

   Jeff Berndtposted 14 years ago

   What's an Esky? And a stubby?

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      writeronlineposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      See above for Esky, and below for stubby. Stubbies are often contained within a snug foam rubber sleeve. No, I said 'foam' rubber sleeve...keeps your beer cold and your hands warm, so you're pretty much ready for whatever the party throws your way.

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         writeronlineposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         Sorry, I just re-read CASE1WORKER's description of a stubby. A stubby is actually a short neck beer bottle, kind of like a can-shaped glass, with a neck. It's more manly than a can, and you can pour a lot more beer down your throat, without having to worry about spilling it down your neck instead..

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7. 62

   CASE1WORKERposted 14 years ago

   i think a stubby is a can filled with an alcoholic beverage, such as beer

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8. 74

   wildernessposted 14 years ago

   I don't understand driving (4).  It is only common sense that guarding a vehicle from wild animals and such can be a thirsty business, and bringing a case or so back with the petrol won't hurt her.
   
   These rules, on the whole, would seem well fitted to the American redneck as well - would it be tacky to email them to my in-laws for future use?  Anonymously? My wife and I are planning on a renewal of wedding vows this year and she has said that I WILL wear shoes (didn't mention socks) and if I have to, so does everyone else.  Even Bubba.

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      writeronlineposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      re Driving (4) I agree, but it's a bloke thing, sheilas really don't like it, so you gotta do he right thing, else they won't do the cooking and the washing up when you get back home
      
      Can't see any reason for you not to email these rules to your redneck in-laws, they have to start somewhere to get a bit more class..but I wouldn't be pushing too hard on the socks, down here we mostly cheat that one by wearing long pants for special occasions.

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         wildernessposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         Wow.  I hadn't even considered the first point.  Maybe not a full case, then, but a little bucket with just a couple of bottles and some ice.  Can't have a failure on the cooking and washing happening!
         
         Socks - I had figured on short pants, but apparently that's out as well (gotta keep the cook happy).  Maybe they'll cover no socks, though, so not all is lost.  The email is out (thanks) to the in-laws - my OWN family would never bruise the wine by failing to tilt the paper cup properly.

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