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Need Opinions

  1. spryte profile image87
    spryteposted 9 years ago

    Hey everyone:

    Normally I wouldn't ask this, but I need some critics to read a hub of mine and give me some honest feedback.  If you could lend me a hand with your opinions, I'd be most appreciative.



  2. Shadesbreath profile image87
    Shadesbreathposted 9 years ago

    Your prologue is an excellent beginning.  If it is a prologue to a novel then there is no way to judge it fairly beyond technical merit. Character development and plot in a novel or novella take far longer than a prologue as short as that to unravel or become clear.  To comment on them would be premature and speculative and pretends to understand the trajectory of a story that has yet to be revealed.

    You have the writting skills to pull a novel off.  There are some minor stylistic inconsistencies that might be worked on, but if this is an early draft (which I'm sure it is) that doesn't matter yet.

    The book is autobiographical.  The only one who can answer whether you are ready to write it or not is you.  Putting a poll on a public place like hubpages asking whether the general populace can assess from a scant 1200 words whether or not you are prepared to be "Taming the Gorgon" as Lynn Freed said is, frankly, not going to serve you very well.  The process is entirely an internal affair.  I'm sure you'll get lots of positive "rah rah," which you might need, but, truthfully, the energy you get from it won't sustain the project over time.  (Believe it or not, I'm trying to be helpful here.)

    With absolutely no offense meant to the vast hubpages community, the results you get from a poll on here on such a deeply personal, philosophical and artistically meaningful endeavor as writing an autobiographical novel will be beyond meaningless.

    If you are looking for encouragement to press on, by all means do it.  You certainly possess the skills to put it on the page.  If you are dedicated and willing to press through with discipline, you can finish a draft.  If you are mercilessly commited, you will then start the real work of revision and scene selection and editing.

    A work of this nature is a personal journey that will require you to just write it.  Just sit down every day and write on it.  Don't look back.  You will find that you evade and dodge issues and painful truths even as you push for absolute honesty.  The truth of what you experienced will be revealed THROUGH the process of writing it, and it will be in revisions that you begin to actually discover what you really learned and what you really meant to say... that you will find the courage to tear down sneaky layers of defense that you don't immediately recognize you have put up.

    Your prologue is very good as a first step.  But the results of the poll has to mean nothing to you though, as should comments in this thread (including mine).  This can only come from you.  Good luck, and you have all my best energy pouring out into the universe for you.

    1. spryte profile image87
      spryteposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      This part meant a great deal to me...just like I think you knew it would.  You must know how scary that is then...

      You are probably right about the poll...it being pretty much the pat on the back that I need to get started.  But input like what you've provided here, it is the stuff that will make me examine every chapter, making sure that I'm not straying toward "the trite zone"...that I'm not blowing things off and saying as I said then, "I'm tough...take your best shot." 

      Whether I can be that honest...well, that remains to be seen, mmm?  That's why I don't want to rush it. 

      My next step is to write out a timeline as you suggested.  Do each section in a personal hub format that won't be shared (sorry everyone...but I don't want some half-assed piece of work sitting out there.  If you'll settle for that, I'll lose my drive to do what I really have to do.) and then once I have a skeleton...I can flesh it out.

      Thanks Shade...from the bottom of my heart, for your input.  If this ever becomes a novel, I'll definitely put you on my guru page.

  3. sschilke profile image71
    sschilkeposted 9 years ago


    I just finished reading your prologue and here are my suggestions. They are first impressions

    1) If you truly believe in the story finish writing the first draft.  Give it a chance to work.

    2) I was mildly interested in reading more, but now overwhelmed.  I think you have the beginnings of something intriguing, but I didn't think the voice of the lead character was sharp enough.  I'm not sure that I am interested enough (in the character) to read more - this also could be due in part to the subject matter, which isn't what I normally read.

    3)  This may be a little unfair, seeing as it is a first draft, but I thought it was a little thick with adjectives, which for me slowed it down and had the effect of losing it's edge.

    4)  Overall, I am most taken with your passion and desire for the story.  If you can weave this passion into the story, I think you will be pleased with the outcome. 

    Overall, Spryte, satisfy yourself first, the rest will take care of itself. 

    Your fan,