Why I Seldom Use the Forum and What It Means to Me

Jump to Last Post 1-6 of 6 discussions (22 posts)
  1. Kylyssa profile image91
    Kylyssaposted 7 years ago

    I seldom use the forum because I frequently get treated with a condescending attitude or bashed no matter what I ask or say. For instance, the last time I used the forum, a long-time user decided to argue against my desire for hubscores to reflect the eligibility of hubs for the network sites by calling me irrational because of a question about the FAQ I posted had months before. That user and others who use personal attacks and a patronizing tone are the reason I seldom use the forum anymore.

    I see a very few others stating and asking the exact things I've said without a single soul attacking them or treating them like idiots. But I notice they are few and people who get treated like me are many. I couldn't even make myself go back and look when I posted I had reached 750,000 views because I regretted my decision to post, was in the middle of some awful life-experiences, and didn't think I could handle rudeness.

    I'm not even planning to read the responses to this thread because it's extremely likely there will be personal attacks. My personal world is in turmoil and I can't handle them now.

    What it means to me is that my world has become more silent.

    I am autistic. I used to have a forum like this one where I could talk to people daily without fear of personal attacks, now I don't. The Internet used to be this amazing place where no one cared what I looked like or that I'm autistic where I could have conversations like a normal person, but it's becoming just as big of a minefield to navigate as spoken conversation. I miss that feeling of being like other people, of being normal.

    In "real life" I don't get to speak to anyone but my best friend and my partner. Other people judge me by my appearance, assume I'm deeply intellectually disabled because of it, and completely ignore me or talk right over me. The Internet gave me a haven from that, a place where I could feel other people saw me as human. It gave me a place to get my words out and to pretend I'd been heard by someone rather than just talking to myself.

    As to why I'm posting this, I'm not entirely sure. I guess it's because my life is falling apart right now and I'm distraught that I can no longer hop onto places like this, talk about something distracting, and get to feel like a real, normal person for a little while.

    What you say online is said to people. They are real and have lives and feelings. They are no less human than you are.

    1. theraggededge profile image96
      theraggededgeposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      You've always seemed like a lovely person to me. Kylyssa, right from Squidoo days in 2009. I hope you are able to get through the next few weeks or months as unscathed as possible. Don't stop posting here.

    2. lions44 profile image94
      lions44posted 7 years agoin reply to this

      We got your back.  Keep up the good work.  Forget the haters.  We all know who you are talking about.   Whatever you do, just keep writing.

      1. kenneth avery profile image79
        kenneth averyposted 7 years agoin reply to this

        I join lions44 in helping to get your back in here and although "I" learned a hard lesson from this forum pretty much the same way you did, I vowed to myself it would have to be life or death--not mine, but one of my fantastic followers, before I asked anything else in here for how I was humiliated and lectured like I was an idiot.
        I would have understood if "I" had really been acting a fool or even been a fool, but my incident is so reminiscent of yours it is scary.
        To make things worse, the staff of HP do not even care about how "we" are talked to unless it is so severe, legal talk surfaces about seeking a lawyer, etc., which I do have a good lawyer, but I never bothered calling him about slander and being treated like dirt by three so-called "professionals" who obviously rule this forum or any forum I have tried to get info.
        You just say what you want to say and we will back you.

    3. sallybea profile image95
      sallybeaposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      Kylyssa you are have been extremely helpful in the past and are an incredibly eloquent experience writer who has so much to offer.
      I don't think you people should be allowed to behave badly in these forums.  It should be a place where people feel comfortable and able to express their opinion without fear.
      We should all get into the habit of reporting those who makes the lives of others a misery. 
      It is nice to have you back.

    4. Solaras profile image94
      Solarasposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      Many things come to my mind when reading your post.

      First and foremost, I am sorry to hear that you are having difficulties in your life right now, and feel that your world is falling apart.  That is a terrible emotion to experience.

      Another thing that comes to my mind is that I never think of you as being autistic, until you bring it up. There  is nothing in your writing that calls out my attention, "What? Why would she say that like that?!?"  Your articles and comments on forums do not bely that you have a different way of processing information. That perception is coming from your own self image - release yourself from these shackles.

      Your opinions and their expression are just as valid as everyone else's. As far as I can see we all respect you; sometimes when people write it comes across differently from how it was intended.  We are also from diverse cultures and backgrounds. What is considered spirited discussion in one country may be considered disrespectful in another. Also, some people are just rude to everyone; you can't take that personally (although it is difficult not to).

      I believe in the past we have had differences in opinion, and you felt that I was making a personal attack on you.  That was and is never my intention.

    5. letstalkabouteduc profile image96
      letstalkabouteducposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      Kylyssa -- I'm sorry you're going through such a dark period and Hubpages hasn't been bringing you any light. You have one of the most unique voices here and we'd never want you to go silent. You have so much to share and a different perspective than most. As the mother of a son with autism, I so appreciate that you acknowledge your condition. It breaks down stereotypes. There's so much ugliness on the internet, but I think, for the most part, Hubpages attracts people of intelligence and good will. Take care!

    6. gmwilliams profile image84
      gmwilliamsposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      Kylyssa, use the forums.  Don't let the negative behavior of some people deter you from expressing yourself & your opinions.  Some people will hate no matter what.  Don't let such people preclude you from exercising your forum rights.

      1. Will Apse profile image88
        Will Apseposted 7 years agoin reply to this

        The chance that anyone hates Kylyssa is close to zero. People are going to say what they believe to be true, here, though, regardless of emotional pressure. Its up to us to live with that.

    7. Say Yes To Life profile image81
      Say Yes To Lifeposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      I rarely use the forums because people don't notice when I do.  They're far more likely to notice when I post in the question / answer section.

    8. profile image0
      promisemposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      I saw one of the worst offenders make an obvious personal attack the other day. I reported it. Despite that attack and many others, she is still posting them. Nothing was done.

      I'm quickly losing faith.

  2. SimeyC profile image89
    SimeyCposted 7 years ago

    The Internet is just like real life; people will judge you superficially. People will try and force their opinions onto you and not listen to you - it happens on every forum, in every classroom, at work, in the mall - everywhere - it is not right, it is the way it is.

    At the end of the day focus on those who listen to you, who understand the gifts you have, who are able to objectively discuss things with you without attacking or patronizing you - there are plenty of people on Hubpages forums who will do that and will value your opinion, even if they don't agree with it.

    I've always had opinions and I've had times when people have done the same to me - I used to take it to heart, but I realized that I had the power to let them hurt me or not - so I simply stopped allowing them to hurt me and patronize me - when I stopped buying into their 'power' they stopped - as they no longer could touch me - it simply didn't matter to me any more.

    Kylyssa - don't stop coming here - you are a valuable member of this community - not everyone is going to agree with your point of view - but that doesn't mean your point of view is valid. I hope you do view this thread, because I for one value everyone's opinions and respect them - and I know there are many more people like me on these forums.

    1. charlesnuamah profile image96
      charlesnuamahposted 7 years agoin reply to this


  3. Solaras profile image94
    Solarasposted 7 years ago

    This was transferred to the food and cooking forum??? Who is moderating the forums? This is the second stupid move I've seen and I hardly ever look.

  4. Marisa Wright profile image88
    Marisa Wrightposted 7 years ago

    Kylyssa, you are such a valuable member of HubPages and I do hope you won't give up on these forums.

    I know what you mean about the changing internet.  I used to be a member of several forums and they have been gradually dying or even closing down.  Some of them are still active but populated by unhappy people.  It seems as though most people are using Facebook to  socialise which is a completely different space and one I don't feel comfortable with.

    1. kenneth avery profile image79
      kenneth averyposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      Kylyssa is a valuable member of HubPages. I agree with you, Marisa and I too hope that she does not give up or give in to defeat.

  5. Will Apse profile image88
    Will Apseposted 7 years ago

    PDS's post consigned to oblivion. This one returned from the cooking forum. All a bit odd. Neither has/had much to do with HP business.

    Anyway, hope Kylyssa is OK. And PDS too.

    The mods could have found a hole somewhere in topical to sequester PDS's hardly incendiary post.

    1. Solaras profile image94
      Solarasposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      PDS's post no longer exists.  Strange.

      1. Will Apse profile image88
        Will Apseposted 7 years agoin reply to this

        One way to interpret PDS's enigmatic posts is that he feels he has been rendered a non-person. Not kind to reinforce that.

        1. paradigmsearch profile image60
          paradigmsearchposted 7 years agoin reply to this

          Leastwise haven't been banned again. I'm pretty sure the next one will be permanent. You are right, things have been odd.

          I am not kidding when I say I am afraid of being banned permanently. I care more than one can imagine about this place. Seven years.

  6. lobobrandon profile image88
    lobobrandonposted 7 years ago

    This was the first forum I've ever been a part of and I've seen it change over the years. Kylyssa you have always been a warm presence around the forums and it would be a pity to see you leave because of a few people who have no bother in the world (or too many, causing them to lash out online).

    Don't let them decide what you should and should not do. However, if it's making you feel miserable, let it go. Just like all things in life. Don't let anything keep you down. I'd love it if you continued to stay though smile


This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://corp.maven.io/privacy-policy

Show Details
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)