Looking for feedback

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  1. alhawkins profile image60
    alhawkinsposted 7 years ago

    Hello hubbers,

    I need so feedback, if possible, on this hub: http://alhawkins.hubpages.com/hub/Maste … me-of-Pool


    1. Joe Macho profile image95
      Joe Machoposted 7 years agoin reply to this


      I ended up reading both of your hubs. They are interesting, but I'm not too sure how long they will hold the general public's attention. They are written with a personal touch, which is very nice. At the same time, this could be your downfall because the text is kind of strung out. I like pool, but I'm not quite sure that I've learned so much from your hub. Part one is nice, but the text seems pretty long for just driving the point of motivation and practice. Also so, I believe that in the first paragraph, it's 'shoot pool' not 'shot pool'. You might want to make sure that you have proofed and checked the hubs over for proper grammar, as it may turn readers off if its not perfect. You can still keep the text, but I would suggest maybe adding some photos, links and instructional videos. This will work to hold the reader's attention longer and also help to make the hub more visually appealing. Also, link the hubs together! If you're going to have two parts, it's much easier for readers to find Part 2 if there is a link to it from Part 1. My apologies if I am sounding too harsh, I just figured I'd catch you up on all the little stuff I've learned so far. Here's a hub that I've recently published that could be of some help: http://hubpages.com/t/293884. It's on a niche topic like your's so it could be used as some what of a reference point as far as visual appeal, photo, video and link use. Wish you the best of luck and welcome to hubpages. I'll be following you.

      1. Joe Macho profile image95
        Joe Machoposted 7 years agoin reply to this

        Just delete the period off my link to get to my hub. I hate how that happens!

      2. alhawkins profile image60
        alhawkinsposted 7 years agoin reply to this


        I did not expect this much advise. Greatly appreciated!

        I will go through all the points you have made and make the corrections. There is one thing. Where you said, " the text is kind of strung out". Can you give me an example of this, if you can.

        1. Joe Macho profile image95
          Joe Machoposted 7 years agoin reply to this

          I guess what I was trying to get at was the text overall looked pretty long and daunting, not so much 'strung out'.

          1. alhawkins profile image60
            alhawkinsposted 7 years agoin reply to this

            Thanks, I will make my paragraphs shorter. Maybe that can help. And add pictures.

    2. MonetteforJack profile image69
      MonetteforJackposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      Feedback: Read and follow Joe Macho's suggestions and you'll have a more appropriate and interesting hub.  He is right --  you focused too much on motivation, and you should make your hub visually appealing.

      If I were a non-player but want to be a master of pool, what are the techniques?  How can I be a master in the shortest time possible?

      1. alhawkins profile image60
        alhawkinsposted 7 years agoin reply to this

        Thanks for the response!

        I will follow Joe's advice.

  2. thooghun profile image82
    thooghunposted 7 years ago

    You write well, which is a good foundation. I would suggest, as others have stated, taking some stress of the text with an image or two.

    If you want to attract a wider audience you will also need to employ some SEO techniques such as high quality out bound links with your keywords anchor-texted. Include a few keywords in headers and so forth. If you don't care about organic traffic, disregard this.

    1. alhawkins profile image60
      alhawkinsposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks for the compliment. I will look into the whole SEO thing.

  3. Stacie L profile image89
    Stacie Lposted 7 years ago

    I'm wondering why these are in parts and not one hub.
    Separating paragraphs with more spacing makes it easier to read and photos and videos are good also for people like me who are visual.(break up into more text capsules)
    A good start.wink

    1. alhawkins profile image60
      alhawkinsposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      I separated them because I did not what to overwhelm people with too much pool talk. Maybe for my next one I will include more.

      Thanks for the advice!

  4. K9keystrokes profile image92
    K9keystrokesposted 7 years ago

    alhawkins you have a nice writing style without a doubt. As far as feedback goes on your Pool Hub:(strictly my opinion)

    1. Breaking the paragraphs up into about 200 words will help your reader remain engaged.
    2. You must take into consideration what you are trying to teach; pool. It is a very visual and mathematical game. Utilize these features to teach your lesson.
    3. If you can, adding video (youtube has a many) could make this hub amazing.
    4. Unique photos. "Showing" your reader the physical positions, step by step will keep them coming back time and time again! Robin (high ranking HubPages Staff) recommends placing your directions right next to the image so they align and offer the lesson in visual medium, as well as written (again, adding video offers audio, making a perfectly well-rounded teaching hub).

    You have the chops for writing, just try thinking about how you would want to learn a task, and pursue that route. Joe Macho is right-on-money with his input and thooghun offers you some very important advice regarding SEO in his comment section. Follow thier lead and learn all you can on the subjects.
    Don't forget Hubpages offers a wonderful Learning Center for just such questions! smile

    Welcome to HubPages and I look forward to reading more of your future work!

    1. alhawkins profile image60
      alhawkinsposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks! Specially the 200 words/paragraph advice.

  5. IzzyM profile image87
    IzzyMposted 7 years ago

    Photographs! I don't know how much you have changed your hub since you first posted on this thread, but you need some visuals.

    It just makes what you wrote look super-cool.

    I'm the ex-wife of a super-shark pool player and didn't see anything wrong with the text, then again, I only skim-read.

    Isn't that what your target audience will do?

    Photos will keep them on the page for longer as well as breaking up everything.

    If you can't find any decent ones online, go out and take a few yourself smile

    1. K9keystrokes profile image92
      K9keystrokesposted 7 years agoin reply to this


    2. alhawkins profile image60
      alhawkinsposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      Haha... I skim too. I think will go to the pool hall and take some pics.

  6. profile image0
    Website Examinerposted 7 years ago

    In the hub that I read, the author speaks like an expert without any information about his credentials, experience, or background. It would be very helpful to know where the author is "coming from."

    1. alhawkins profile image60
      alhawkinsposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      There is a reason I do not share this information. In the pool hall sub-culture it is all about hiding your game. Talking too much about how much you know is a good sign that you're really a fish.


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