World’s Oldest Speech Writer

Do you remember Grogg? From my hub, “Interview with World’s Oldest Interviewer”? Well, I just learned that Grogg is also the world’s oldest speech writer from the Paleolithic Era.

So I dug him up again for another interview. Metaphorically speaking, that is.

me – Hello, Grogg. So nice to see you again. What a surprise to learn you are also the world’s oldest speech writer. Do you have some time to chat?

Grogg – Copasetic. Isn’t that a current phrase that means okay or acceptable?

me – Not exactly. The meaning is correct but that word was first widely publicized in communications between the astronauts and Mission Control of the Apollo Program back in the 60s.

Grogg – I don’t understand a word of what you just said. Guess I’ll have to update my search engine, YooHoo.

me – You mean, Yahoo?

Grogg – Whatever. What would you like to chat about today?

me – I want to learn more about your early speech writing. But first would you be kind enough to share some details of your personal life with our readers. Did you have kids?

Grogg – Of course. Mountain goats provided our milk.

me – No, I meant did you have children?

Grogg – My wife, Ooga, and I had three goats, I mean kids. All boys: Frogg, Trogg and our oldest, Blogg, who became a writer.

me – (to self – So that’s where blogging came from … ) Those are very interesting names. How did you choose them?

Grogg – My wife and I chose names that were easy to remember. And pronounce. But my friend, Uggh, was not so clever when it came to naming his oldest son. Take a look at this video and you will see what I mean.

me – What a sad story. Did Uggh and his wife have more children?

Grogg – Yes, he had another son he named Aahhhh. Another sad story.

me – What other thoughts would you like to share on naming children?

Grogg – Do not give your children androgynous names.

me – Androgynous? Androgynous? How do you know that word?

Grogg – YooHoo, of course. I’m referring to names that could be either male or female: like Leslie, Francis, Marion, or turned into nicknames like Alex, Sam or Jo.

Such names could contribute to gender identity problems later in life.

Instead, give a boy a strong masculine name like Rock or Hulk. And name a girl something feminine like Ooh-Lala or Gaga.

me – Gaga? We have one of those. You mentioned three sons, Grogg. Did you discipline them?

Grogg – Absolutely, but that didn’t always work out the way I planned. Watch this:

me – Besides hunting and gathering … and interviewing … how did you find time for speech writing?

Grogg – Everyone needs additional interests to exercise their minds. I enjoyed writing acceptance speeches for members of my tribe. Here’s an example:

me – Do you have some secrets about writing speeches you would like to share?

Grogg – Much of my success in writing speeches is based on the hub, "How to Conquer Your Fear of Public Speaking."

I realized that a speech is only as good or bad as the person delivering it. So before writing I visualize first what I want to write. I learn as much as I can about the audience, and include a few of their names whenever possible. I use examples they can relate to. I write to engage them by being creative, telling personal anecdotes, and using my sense of humor.

me – You know, Grogg, all this information seems very familiar.

Grogg – It should be. You wrote that hub.

me – Your 'secrets' are very close to plagiarism.

Grogg – Not really. Since I mentioned you are the author, it’s called research! (laughs)

me – I have been asking all the questions. Is there anything you would like to ask me?

Grogg – I know there is something called presidential elections every four years where you live. Exactly how does that work?

me – Well, we have two major parties, the Republicans and the Democrats and every citizen has the right to vote for their choice.

Grogg – That seems very fair. Does everyone vote?

me – Some folks are lazy and do not vote at all, but others will vote more than once if someone offers to pay them. So it all evens out.

Grogg – That does not seem very fair. Does the winner of the most votes get to be president?

me – Not exactly. The votes of the people individually are called the popular vote but sometimes the winner does not have the most popular votes, only the Electoral College votes.

Grogg – What’s the Electrical College vote?

me – Every state has a certain number of votes so the election is determined on the majority of those votes - called the Electoral College vote.

Grogg – So, theoretically (another word I learned from YouHoo), the president could win the most votes from the people and still lose if the states did not supply the most electrical votes. Is that correct?

me – Pretty much. In fact, that’s exactly what happened in 2000 when the Republican candidate, George W. Bush won with 271 Electoral votes but only 50,456,002 (47.9%) of the popular votes.

The Democratic candidate, Albert Arnold Gore, Jr. had 50,999,897 (48.4%) of the popular vote, but lost with only 266 Electoral votes.

Grogg – That’s a confusing system. When we want to elect a leader of our tribe, it is a much simpler process. Each candidate is given a heavy wooden club and the winner is the last man standing. This guarantees a strong leader.

me – You may have hit on something there. Get it? Hit on something?

Thanks for your time, Grogg, give my regards to Ooga and the goats, I mean kids.

© Copyright BJ Rakow, Ph.D. 2012, 2013 Rev. All rights reserved. Author, "Much of What You Know about Job Search Just Ain't So." Includes valuable information for older workers, and how to negotiate salary successfully.