Why do so many oldest children have a passive-aggressive relationship with their

1. 84

   gmwilliamsposted 9 years ago

   Why do so many oldest children have a passive-aggressive relationship with their
   
   siblings?  What is the root cause of so many oldest children exhibiting such behavior towards their younger siblings?  Analytical answers please.
   
   

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2. 61

   themiddlechildposted 9 years ago

   I have an older sister, whom I think also perceives herself as a caretaker / mother figure. I did as a younger sibling look up to her. As an adult she is my best friend. I would not view any passive / aggressive tendencies towards myself as intentionally spite full. In certain cultures, the eldest are expected to care for siblings:
   
   Although I had no expectations myself, perhaps being an older sibling comes with it the expectation, (from parents or older relatives) that one should care for the younger ones. Whether the eldest would like that responsibility might be the reason / root cause, for any passive/ aggressive or resentful tendencies towards the younger ones.

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3. 85

   peachpurpleposted 9 years ago

   I am the oldest sister, my parents gave me the responsibility to bring money home, pay for everything. My bro is enjoying everything without any thank you. I feel unjustified just because he is the male descendant of the family.

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4. 71

   sassydeeposted 9 years ago

   I think because they have been around longer and have gone through a lot more with parents especially because they are first born so parents had to figure out about raising a kid with them (oldest) so they probably got more frustration and what not so they pass on the behavior towards the younger siblings

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5. 84

   gmwilliamsposted 9 years ago

   
   
   As oldest children are routinely dethroned, displaced, disposed, & even dismissed by parents & even younger siblings, it is quite easy for oldest children to develop passive-aggressive tendencies in action, thought, & expression.  Oldest children are expected to be protoadults, even adults at early ages.  They are expected to be walk that chalk line & to be scrupulous in terms of behavior, action, & thoughts.  After all, they are the example setters for their younger siblings.  They aren't allowed even a margin of error & are severely chastised, even punished for the slightest mistake on the premise, "you are  the oldest & since you are the oldest, you SHOULD KNOW BETTER."
   
   Oldest children AREN'T allowed to be normative children like children in other birth orders(middle, youngest, & only) are allowed, even encouraged to be.  Oldest children must be little soldiers so to speak.  Since oldest children ARE children, they will be children from time to time.  However, that makes many parents angry as they associated being the oldest child w/being adult.  Adult also means being saddled w/responsibilities far before they are emotionally & psychologically ready to undertake such responsibilities.  This is bound to result in resentment from the oldest child who believe h/she never gets any slack while the younger siblings get away with murder.  If h/she elects to express this anger legitimately, h/she is harshly rebuked by parents for being selfish & babyish.  So h/she internalizes the anger, often acting in passive-aggressive ways towards younger siblings, if not, the parents.  However, in many instances, oldest children are afraid of their parents, feeling that if they act out against them, they would be permanently a persona non gratae in their parents' eyes.  Instead, they oftentimes take out their resentment by bullying & manipulating, even abusing younger siblings, daring them to tell.....

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