Siblings & Selfishness

1. 83

   gmwilliamsposted 4 years ago

   
   Younger siblings typically are more selfish, immature, & irresponsible than oldest siblings who are oftentimes altruistic, mature, & responsible.   Younger siblings, even as adults, refuse to carry their weight but instead depend upon their oldest siblings for financial, emotional, & psychological comfort?   Younger siblings have it easier in life while oldest siblings have very difficult lives.  Oldest siblings oftentimes admire other oldest siblings while having utter disdain for their & other younger siblings who they deem as very immature?  There are oldest siblings who even hate their & other younger siblings?  Agree or disagree?

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   1. 96

      wildernessposted 4 years agoin reply to this

      I can neither agree nor disagree without considerable evidence, although the gut reaction is that the idea is nonsense.  Do you have such evidence, or is this just personal experience limited to your own observations and bias?

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      1. 83

         gmwilliamsposted 4 years agoin reply to this

         Not at all.   From my extended family & associations, it is oldest siblings who are always giving.  Oldest siblings always have to carry younger siblings.  Younger siblings are never responsible, they incessantly lean on oldest siblings to solve their problems.  Younger siblings are selfish people.  They expect oldest siblings to always look after them.  Younger siblings are self-centered.  Oldest siblings are never self-centered.

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         1. 96

            wildernessposted 4 years agoin reply to this

            That's what I said; your very limited, very personal experience.  That's hardly a statistical universe large enough to make such sweeping statements.

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            1. 83

               gmwilliamsposted 4 years agoin reply to this

               What I have stated is substantiated.  Oldest siblings are the more responsible ones. They are forced into positions of responsibility very young.  Younger siblings don't have such responsibility.  In fact, they coast through life, expecting to be rescued by either parents or more than likely, their oldest siblings.  Younger siblings believe that oldest siblings ought to take care of them either emotionally or financially.   It is oftentimes oldest siblings who CARRY the entire family.   Younger siblings never have to do that at all.  Younger siblings don't have the responsibility that oldest or older siblings have.
               
               Oldest siblings are FAR MORE responsible than younger siblings.  That is a fact.  Oldest siblings are the stoic, mature ones while younger siblings are more immature than oldest siblings because they are always on the RECEIVING end regarding the family dynamic.   Yes, younger siblings are oftentimes immature, irresponsible, & selfish.  Younger siblings are THE MOST SELFISH  of  the sibling constellation.   Of course, youngest siblings are THE MOST SELFISH of all sibling groups.   Wilderness, as the oldest child, you are aware of this.  Oldest children are always the self-sacrificing, responsible ones.

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               1. 83

                  gmwilliamsposted 4 years agoin reply to this

                  Wilderness, do you believe that younger siblings will take on the responsibilities of oldest siblings?   No, younger siblings are THE TAKERS & RECEIVERS in families.  I have observed this in my extended maternal family & associates.  Many an oldest child resented their status.  They had abbreviated childhoods & adolescence while their younger siblings had a childhood & adulthood.   Younger siblings have little or no responsibilities.  They don't even do chores while oldest siblings are inundated w/chores.  Oldest siblings are OVERBURDENED while younger siblings are INDULGED BIG TIME.   
                  
                  My extended maternal family is an example.  My late mother, oldest of 10, carried the family.  The younger siblings never had to carry the family, in fact, they were dependent upon others to take care of them.   They were never taught to be independent at all.   Younger siblings are very dependent.   My extended maternal family exemplifies the oldest-younger sibling dynamic.    Oldest siblings must always look after younger siblings even as adults.  Oldest siblings are burdened by younger siblings throughout their lives.  Oldest siblings DO & SACRIFICE for younger siblings but such is never reciprocated by younger siblings.  As my late mother said she was nicer to her siblings than they were to her.   She was a doormat for her siblings.  She EXTENDED herself for them but they NEVER EXTENDED themselves for her-in fact, they took advantage of her.
                  
                  I am done here, continue the discussion. In the meanwhile, I am looking at HBO history channel documentaries.

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               2. 96

                  wildernessposted 4 years agoin reply to this

                  If it has been substantiated then you should probably provide links to it so people can see it and judge for themselves whether or not the conclusion is supported by evidence.  Simply repeating it over and over does nothing.

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                  1. 83

                     gmwilliamsposted 4 years agoin reply to this

                     Wilderness, as the oldest sibling, you are more responsible & less selfish than your younger siblings.   Wilderness, as a child, you were responsible for your younger siblings.  You were probably given more responsibilities than your younger siblings at similar ages.   Birth order specialists such as Dr. Kevin Leman confirm that responsibilities are pushed on oldest siblings as they are expected to carry the familial weight. 
                     
                     There was study done by Dr. Gregory J. Jurkovic on parentified children.  Dr. Jurkovic indicated that it is a commonplace occurrence for oldest children to parent their siblings.  Dr. Jurkovic further elucidated that in many families, it is expected that oldest children raise their siblings.  Oldest children are oftentimes the true & unsung parents in families, oftentimes giving up their dreams & aspirations for their younger siblings.  YOU KNOW THAT, WILDERNESS, C'MON YOU ARE THE OLDEST CHILD.
                     
                     There are books on the subject:
                     (1)  THE BIRTH ORDER BOOK:WHY YOU ARE THE WAY YOU ARE by Dr. Kevin Leman
                     (2) BIRTH ORDER AND YOU by Drs. Ronald & Lois Richardson
                     (3) THE FIRST BORN ADVANTAGE by Dr. Kevin Leman
                     (4) THE ELDEST DAUGHTER EFFECT by Lissette Shultemaker & Wies Endover
                     (5) BORN TO REBEL:BIRTH ORDER, FAMILY DYNAMICS, AND CREATIVE LIVES by Frank J. Sulloway
                     (6) THE NATURE of BIRTH ORDER:IN THE FAMILY TREE by Denny Johnson & Edith Cuffe
                     
                     As a sociology major in college, I also studied the family extensively.  I have also read numerous books on birth order.

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                     1. 91

                        MizBejabbersposted 4 years agoin reply to this

                        Grace, that's not always true. I saw that in my next door neighbors. There were eight children in the family. The eldest was a half-sister, and as soon as she turned 16, she left home and got a job, married a lawyer and lived as a professional woman who chose to work. The next oldest daughter who was my age basically raised her three youngest siblings. In fact, one of them called her "mama."
                        I am the eldest of three and my family couldn't have been any more different. I should have been a boy. I was never close to my mother, instead being grandma's girl. I rebelled against housework and child care. I helped mom with the laundry and daddy with the garden and yard, but I refused to learn to cook. My sister, seven years younger was the domestic and never stopped helping my mother. My sister died at age 30 of a misdiagnosed thyroid problem.
                        My brother as a small child loved to wash dishes and help our mother. Daddy walked in one day and scolded him for washing dishes, saying that was woman's work. He never helped around the house again. I picked up and cleaned when I was told to, but still no cooking. My mother and I were not close, but it was her choice. Our brother, the baby, was the privileged one.
                        Most of my friends had one or two other siblings, and there didn't seem to be a pattern to their pecking order either.
                        I braved the man's world and made a first career in broadcasting, although my dad scoffed and said I'd never succeed. My siblings had successful careers, my sister as an executive secretary with a utility company, and my brother as a chemist in a laboratory. Despite my professional success, they made more money than I did, and a couple of times came to my aid when I was a divorced single parent. As adults, both my younger siblings were very unselfish, sweet family-oriented people. Years after my sister and my father died, my brother and I shared duties caring for our mother for 10 years when she had cancer. I did her laundry and housework and he kept up her big yard. I have no complaints. So that's my limited view of the pecking order. I think all three of us stepped up to the plate as adults when necessary. Perhaps it's because we were raised to be self-sufficient.

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                        1. 83

                           gmwilliamsposted 4 years agoin reply to this

                           These are notable exceptions; however, younger siblings seldom have oldest siblings' back.  Younger siblings have the me mentality.  I have seen this many times.  Younger siblings don't possess empathy for their oldest siblings.  They are out for what they can get & nothing else.  My maternal extended family is an example of selfish younger siblings who expect to be carried throughout their lives.   This is so prevalent in large families- oldest siblings always carry the younger siblings.   My younger uncles & aunts care for no one but themselves & I have disowned & cut them out of my life.   Talk about selfish siblings!   
                           
                           My maternal grandparents selfishly & stupidly had more children than they could afford.  As a result, her more affluent sisters took care of  the family.   The family grew up to expect others to continuously take care of them.  Except for my mother, an uncle, & my youngest aunt who became educated & successful, the others refused to better themselves educationally & socioeconomically.  They adopted the owe me mentality which was passed through succedent generations.  My extended maternal family exemplifies dependency & the rescue me mentality.  I have seen such behavior & attitudes not only in my maternal extended family but in many other families as well.   Oldest siblings extend themselves while younger siblings took advantage of this extension.

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