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50 Rules That Would Be Included If Life Had An Instruction Manual

Updated on August 6, 2012
This girl isn't opening her present as I described, but she was too precious not too add!
This girl isn't opening her present as I described, but she was too precious not too add! | Source

Remember those Instruction Manuals?

Put everything you are doing, aside, just for a moment. Think back to when you were a youngin'. For some of us, this will be an easier task. All right, the background is a cold winter day. The snow is falling and the wind howling. It is a perfect Christmas day, and you are excited to open up your last present from good ol' Santa! In eager anticipation, you rip apart the beautiful wrapping paper as if it was threatening the contents inside.

To your excitement and joy, it is the exact toy you had been wishing for. Maybe St, Nicholas is a psychic after all! So, you grab the the toy with forceful hands, shocking your parents that you haven't broken it! Maybe it is a Gi-Joe, Lego set, train set, video game, or a Build-a-Bear. Sorry, I am a guy and couldn't think of any exciting things a girl would want, so I threw in the Build-A-Bear. The next thing you do is look for that instruction manual so you can learn how to assemble your brand new toy. Wouldn't it be hard to assemble that train set if you didn't have the manual?

Now, let's fast forward back to the present time. If toys have instruction manuals, shouldn't life have one! I think so, and that is why I have attempted to come up with 50 things that should be included in the manual of life. I hope you will enjoy this list as I know I have!

Woodchucks can be dangerous!
Woodchucks can be dangerous! | Source
I don't that shark would like it it you jumped in to go swimming with him, or is it a her?
I don't that shark would like it it you jumped in to go swimming with him, or is it a her? | Source

Enjoy Life!

Please don't play soccer with this creature, I am begging you!
Please don't play soccer with this creature, I am begging you! | Source
Please don't chew on pens!
Please don't chew on pens! | Source

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50 Rules for Life's Instruction Manual

1. Don't try to outdo a woodchuck. You will lose miserably and your teeth will hate you for life!

2. Don't go swimming in an aquarium, especially one with sharks. I have heard that they wouldn't appreciate it.

3. Don't dive into a pool without water.

4. Don't dive into the shallow end of a pool, unless you are Michael Phelps. I am sure he could get away with it.

5. Don't drink and drive!

6. Don't challenge the roadrunner to a race! You will lose by a long shot and will have to face the humility every time you hang out with him. The roadrunner will never let it go, at least this is what I have heard.

7. Don't attempt to cross the border without a passport, especially if you have illegal goods in the trunk.

8. Don't swim in a thunderstorm. I have heard that lightning and water are not a good combination!

9. Don't stick your fingers in the hot tub jets.

10. Don't grab a knife or sword by anything but the handle.

11. Don't flip off the Mafia, they don't appreciate rude actions such as these.

12. Don't take your personal beauty nap in the middle of a high-traffic road. In fact, don't sleep in the road EVER!

13. Don't juggle hot coals. I have heard they can get very hot!

14. Don't mistake poop for melted chocolate.

15. Don't stand under a tree while it is being cut down! When you hear the word TIMBER, definitely do not be standing under a tree, because it could be the one falling down!

16. Don't mistake a girl for being pregnant. This can only bring about an awkward proceeding conversation.

17. Don't play soccer with a porcupine!

18. Don't drunk call your ex-girlfriend.

19. Look both ways before you walk across a four lane highway!

20. Before you cross a four lane highway, ask yourself this question: "Why am I crossing a four lane highway?" Sometimes thinking things through can save a whole lot of trouble.

21. Don't chew on pens. One of my friends in high school did this, and it leaked all over her, including inside her mouth. True Story!

22. Don't eat poisonous berries!

23. Don't play patty-cake with a jelly fish. I have heard that they can be dangerous! Also, how would they play this game with no hands?

24. Don't attempt to walk through a screen door. My brother has tried this and it doesn't work.True Story!

25.DON"T FORGET YOUR WEDDING DAY-PERIOD! (I figured that this would be a good halfway rule)

26. Don't put your hand in a lion's cage.

27. Don't run over a beehive with the lawnmower. In fact, don't run over a beehive with anything!

28. Don't throw yourself down the lane with your bowling ball. I have heard that Fred Flinstone has tried this without much success.

29. Don't try to show off to your friends by stealing the cheese from the mousetrap.

30. Don't jump down a flight of stairs. I have done this and broke my arm in the process. True Story!

31. Don't go shopping on Christmas Eve.

32. Don't touch a stove top while it is on. I have heard this can be very painful!

33. Don't walk under a ladder.

34. Don't listen to Justin Bieber.

35. Don't rip off the soda tab. It could fall in the can, and you might end up swallowing it on accident. This has happened to me before. True Story!

36. Don't touch poison ivy!

37. Don't pour salt or pepper in your eyes.

38. Don't chase a bear into the woods to get that close up photo you have always dreamed of.

39. Don't bathe in gasoline!

40. Don't escape into jail.

41. Don't lick dry ice!

42. Don't for any reason microwave yourself. You are hot just the way you are!

43. Don't feel the flame coming out of a flamethrower! In fact, why are you even handling a flamethrower!

44. Don't chew Tylenol!

45. Don't shave with your lawn mower.

46. Don't tie yourself to a propeller for some air flow. I am sure you can you can find a different way to cool down!

47. Don't chew ABC gum, it is not healthy!

48. Don't breathe in car exhaust.

49. Don't drive over a thin layer of ice with your brand new Mercedes. Just give the car to me, I can take good care of it for you!

And last but not least...Drumroll Please!...Waiting...Waiting....All right then, no drumroll I guess.


Two Bonus Rules For This Life Manual

1. Don't make a recipe for a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and expect to win the Recipe Contest of June 2012. I heard someone tried this and it failed!

2. Don't get addicted to HubPages!

Necessary Disclaimer Regarding This Life Manual

All right everyone, I feel it necessary to present to you this disclaimer. There will be someone who, upon reading this, will venture out and attempt to do some of these things. I strongly advise against it! Do not try these things at home, in fact don't try these things out anywhere!

Since I am a nice guy, I will let you break two of these rules!

#34- If you really want to listen to Justin Bieber, I will grant you the permission. I have to admit, his songs can be catchy. (I can't believe I just admitted that online to the masses!)

#50- I will also grant you the permission to get married!

Christian Kane's Manual of Life Rules


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