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50 Rules That Would Be Included If Life Had An Instruction Manual

Updated on August 6, 2012
This girl isn't opening her present as I described, but she was too precious not too add!
This girl isn't opening her present as I described, but she was too precious not too add! | Source

Remember those Instruction Manuals?

Put everything you are doing, aside, just for a moment. Think back to when you were a youngin'. For some of us, this will be an easier task. All right, the background is a cold winter day. The snow is falling and the wind howling. It is a perfect Christmas day, and you are excited to open up your last present from good ol' Santa! In eager anticipation, you rip apart the beautiful wrapping paper as if it was threatening the contents inside.

To your excitement and joy, it is the exact toy you had been wishing for. Maybe St, Nicholas is a psychic after all! So, you grab the the toy with forceful hands, shocking your parents that you haven't broken it! Maybe it is a Gi-Joe, Lego set, train set, video game, or a Build-a-Bear. Sorry, I am a guy and couldn't think of any exciting things a girl would want, so I threw in the Build-A-Bear. The next thing you do is look for that instruction manual so you can learn how to assemble your brand new toy. Wouldn't it be hard to assemble that train set if you didn't have the manual?

Now, let's fast forward back to the present time. If toys have instruction manuals, shouldn't life have one! I think so, and that is why I have attempted to come up with 50 things that should be included in the manual of life. I hope you will enjoy this list as I know I have!

Woodchucks can be dangerous!
Woodchucks can be dangerous! | Source
I don't that shark would like it it you jumped in to go swimming with him, or is it a her?
I don't that shark would like it it you jumped in to go swimming with him, or is it a her? | Source

Enjoy Life!

Please don't play soccer with this creature, I am begging you!
Please don't play soccer with this creature, I am begging you! | Source
Please don't chew on pens!
Please don't chew on pens! | Source

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50 Rules for Life's Instruction Manual

1. Don't try to outdo a woodchuck. You will lose miserably and your teeth will hate you for life!

2. Don't go swimming in an aquarium, especially one with sharks. I have heard that they wouldn't appreciate it.

3. Don't dive into a pool without water.

4. Don't dive into the shallow end of a pool, unless you are Michael Phelps. I am sure he could get away with it.

5. Don't drink and drive!

6. Don't challenge the roadrunner to a race! You will lose by a long shot and will have to face the humility every time you hang out with him. The roadrunner will never let it go, at least this is what I have heard.

7. Don't attempt to cross the border without a passport, especially if you have illegal goods in the trunk.

8. Don't swim in a thunderstorm. I have heard that lightning and water are not a good combination!

9. Don't stick your fingers in the hot tub jets.

10. Don't grab a knife or sword by anything but the handle.

11. Don't flip off the Mafia, they don't appreciate rude actions such as these.

12. Don't take your personal beauty nap in the middle of a high-traffic road. In fact, don't sleep in the road EVER!

13. Don't juggle hot coals. I have heard they can get very hot!

14. Don't mistake poop for melted chocolate.

15. Don't stand under a tree while it is being cut down! When you hear the word TIMBER, definitely do not be standing under a tree, because it could be the one falling down!

16. Don't mistake a girl for being pregnant. This can only bring about an awkward proceeding conversation.

17. Don't play soccer with a porcupine!

18. Don't drunk call your ex-girlfriend.

19. Look both ways before you walk across a four lane highway!

20. Before you cross a four lane highway, ask yourself this question: "Why am I crossing a four lane highway?" Sometimes thinking things through can save a whole lot of trouble.

21. Don't chew on pens. One of my friends in high school did this, and it leaked all over her, including inside her mouth. True Story!

22. Don't eat poisonous berries!

23. Don't play patty-cake with a jelly fish. I have heard that they can be dangerous! Also, how would they play this game with no hands?

24. Don't attempt to walk through a screen door. My brother has tried this and it doesn't work.True Story!

25.DON"T FORGET YOUR WEDDING DAY-PERIOD! (I figured that this would be a good halfway rule)

26. Don't put your hand in a lion's cage.

27. Don't run over a beehive with the lawnmower. In fact, don't run over a beehive with anything!

28. Don't throw yourself down the lane with your bowling ball. I have heard that Fred Flinstone has tried this without much success.

29. Don't try to show off to your friends by stealing the cheese from the mousetrap.

30. Don't jump down a flight of stairs. I have done this and broke my arm in the process. True Story!

31. Don't go shopping on Christmas Eve.

32. Don't touch a stove top while it is on. I have heard this can be very painful!

33. Don't walk under a ladder.

34. Don't listen to Justin Bieber.

35. Don't rip off the soda tab. It could fall in the can, and you might end up swallowing it on accident. This has happened to me before. True Story!

36. Don't touch poison ivy!

37. Don't pour salt or pepper in your eyes.

38. Don't chase a bear into the woods to get that close up photo you have always dreamed of.

39. Don't bathe in gasoline!

40. Don't escape into jail.

41. Don't lick dry ice!

42. Don't for any reason microwave yourself. You are hot just the way you are!

43. Don't feel the flame coming out of a flamethrower! In fact, why are you even handling a flamethrower!

44. Don't chew Tylenol!

45. Don't shave with your lawn mower.

46. Don't tie yourself to a propeller for some air flow. I am sure you can you can find a different way to cool down!

47. Don't chew ABC gum, it is not healthy!

48. Don't breathe in car exhaust.

49. Don't drive over a thin layer of ice with your brand new Mercedes. Just give the car to me, I can take good care of it for you!

And last but not least...Drumroll Please!...Waiting...Waiting....All right then, no drumroll I guess.

50. DON'T GET MARRIED!






Two Bonus Rules For This Life Manual

1. Don't make a recipe for a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and expect to win the Recipe Contest of June 2012. I heard someone tried this and it failed!

2. Don't get addicted to HubPages!

Necessary Disclaimer Regarding This Life Manual

All right everyone, I feel it necessary to present to you this disclaimer. There will be someone who, upon reading this, will venture out and attempt to do some of these things. I strongly advise against it! Do not try these things at home, in fact don't try these things out anywhere!

Since I am a nice guy, I will let you break two of these rules!

#34- If you really want to listen to Justin Bieber, I will grant you the permission. I have to admit, his songs can be catchy. (I can't believe I just admitted that online to the masses!)

#50- I will also grant you the permission to get married!

Christian Kane's Manual of Life Rules

Comments

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    • midget38 profile image

      Michelle Liew 5 years ago from Singapore

      Self-microwaving isn't one of my talents......wouldn't try it anytime soon!

      Great job....the quirkiest manual I've read so far!

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 5 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Michelle,

      Thanks for commenting on another one of my hubs and being so supportive of my work! Yes, you probably shouldn't microwave yourself! LOL

    • Jennifer Stone profile image

      Jennifer Stone 5 years ago from the Riverbank, England

      Hi Josh, thanks for the giggle... great laugh to start the day! Number 14 is especially good advice in my opinion... as they all are! Only problem is if I don't shop on Christmas Eve, no-one would get anything! Oh hang on... good way to save money maybe... I'll give it some thought lol! Voted up and stuff, Jen

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 5 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Jen,

      Thanks for reading and glad you enjoyed it! Yes, poop would not taste good in my opinion either. ROFL Yeah I wouldn't shop on Christmas Eve either! Although you do bring up a good point. :) Who knows?

      Thanks for the votes and take care!

    • unknown spy profile image

      IAmForbidden 5 years ago from Neverland - where children never grow up.

      J, heelllaaaariious!!! hahaha. Thanks for the hilarious laugh!

    • mary615 profile image

      Mary Hyatt 5 years ago from Florida

      Hi, Josh. Never stick your tongue onto a metal ice cube tray. Never walk through a glass sliding door, either.

      Loved this, as usual! I voted this UP and will share so others can giggle!

    • Sunshine625 profile image

      Linda Bilyeu 5 years ago from Orlando, FL

      Wow these are amazing tips! No Justin Bieber? Uh oh for me! Flip off the mafia! Haha! Never talk back to your mama or granny is another. I like your PB & J one! Heck I liked them all. Way to go!!!

    • tillsontitan profile image

      Mary Craig 5 years ago from New York

      Funny, funny, funny. I'm glad you told me about the microwave, I've been trying to figure out how to get in mine and it just doesn't seem to work...for some reason I can't pull in my right elbow. I can see some of your tips are written from experience. I wonder what that's all about...never mind, some things are best left unsaid ;)

      As always, enjoyed this hub and your sense of humor.

      Voted up, funny, and awesome because you have an awesome mind.

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Great tips for living longer! How you became so wise at such a young age is beyond me. Very fun nephew!

    • Curiad profile image

      Mark G Weller 5 years ago from Lake Charles, LA.

      laughs at (with) Josh. This is a great list my friend, I really like the cute little woodchuck!

    • Civil War Bob profile image

      Civil War Bob 5 years ago from Glenside, Pennsylvania

      Josh...great hub, voted up, useful, funny, interesting!

      #24 solution: Throw your brother through the door FIRST!

      #39 solution: Get out of the clothes, wash down with hand cleaner... FAST!

      #34 followup or substitute: MMMM-BOP, by Hanson!!

      Oh, fortunately, ground hogs (woodchuck's cousin) are fast enough NOT to be caught when you chase them! Yeah, personal experience. ;P

    • brenda12lynette profile image

      brenda12lynette 5 years ago from Utah

      Are you sure more of these aren't true stories? haha

      In the past, I always chewed on pens. Now I chew on pencils. I should be safe, right?

    • profile image

      lovedoctor926 5 years ago

      This was a very funny and entertaining hub.

      Don't mistake poop for melted chocolate? Lol.. I don't think I will ever see chocolate the same way again! the taste of Tylenol in your mouth is not good after chewing it, trust me! I agree with the disclaimer. #45 could be a possibility for some. Don't get married! lol. I guess some men are scared that their wife will end up cutting her hair, putting on a lot of weight and nagging them forever! So staying single is an option after all!

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 5 years ago from Pennsylvania

      M, thanks for always commenting on my hubs! I appreciate it and am glad you had a good laugh!

    • josh3418 profile image
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      Joshua Zerbini 5 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Mary,

      Thanks again for reading my hubs and commenting! I like your additions, and thanks for the share and votes, you are too kind! :)

    • josh3418 profile image
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      Joshua Zerbini 5 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Linda,

      Yes, unfortunately no Bieber ROFL Thanks for reading and commenting and I am glad you enjoyed it!

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 5 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Mary,

      Aww,t hanks for that awesome comment! ROFL regarding you trying to get into a microwave! Yes, some of these tips are written from experience, :) Thanks for the votes, I appreciate you and your support!

    • josh3418 profile image
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      Joshua Zerbini 5 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Bill,

      Thanks again for your continual support! Glad you enjoyed Uncle Bill!

    • josh3418 profile image
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      Joshua Zerbini 5 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Mark,

      I love the woodchuck too, one of my favorite things about the hub! :) LOL

    • josh3418 profile image
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      Joshua Zerbini 5 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Bob,

      Always appreciate your hilarious responses! Thanks for the solutions as well ROFl!

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 5 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Brenda,

      Thanks again for reading and commenting on another of my hubs! Yes, I am sure that no more of them are from my past experiences ROFL Yes, you should be safe with the pencils....I think! LOL

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 5 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Marlene,

      ROFL about not seeing chocolate the same away again. And I sure do hope no one tries to shave their face with a lawn mower! LOL Thanks for reading and glad you enjoyed it! I always like your hilarious responses!

    • Lord De Cross profile image

      Joseph De Cross 5 years ago

      Don't get married? Come on Josh!! half of your fans are ladies. I can take Bieber for a beer and will have to listen to his calling 911. # 14 was gross.Ewww! (triple time adding the toilet paper) Was laughing from start to end. You got your call!! Be careful Jim Carrey!

      Lord

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 5 years ago from Pennsylvania

      lord,

      Your comments are always so refreshing and hilarious! Lol. Thanks for always giving me a good laugh! And I am glad you had a good laugh!

    • Happyboomernurse profile image

      Gail Sobotkin 5 years ago from South Carolina

      Love your sense of humor and honesty about the ones that were true for you.

      My hubby once disturbed a bee hive while trimming hedges and had to go to the ER for treatment of 75 stings!

      I have bowling buddies who have experienced #28. (Okay, I'll fess up- I did that, but it was only once- I'm a fast learner) LOL

      Voted this hub up across the board.

    • Janine Huldie profile image

      Janine Huldie 5 years ago from New York, New York

      Josh, when I was a kid, I got Barbie's Dream House one year for Christmas. My dad until this day will complain how damn difficult was to put together even with the instruction manual. figured, I could give you an example for a girls toy that needed an instruction manual. Seriously, loved this and especially #50! Of course voting this one up and sharing too.

    • Jools99 profile image

      Jools99 5 years ago from North-East UK

      Hee Hee Josh! There were LOADS of things on this list which made me guffaw! My favourites are to do with lawnmowers, beehives, petroleum and I'm deffo not licking dry ice...fun hub. Voted up n shared.

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 5 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Happyboomernurse,

      Thanks for your funny comment! Glad you enjoyed it and thanks for the votes and shares!

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 5 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Janine,

      LOL, thanks for sharing that toy idea! I appreciate it! Thanks for your support! You are too kind!

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 5 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Julie,

      Thanks for continually supporting me! I really appreciate it, and I am glad you enjoyed this hub. Thanks for vote and share!

    • profile image

      kelleyward 5 years ago

      Don't eat grade D edible meat from Taco Bell either. Yuck. I remember driving behind a taco bell truck that said, Grade D edible meat. Haven't been there since. Loved it! Voted it up, funny, awesome!! Kelley

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 5 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Kelley,

      Thanks I really appreciate your continual support, it means alot to me! Thanks for the warning for Taco Bell meat! LOL Thanks for the votes as well, take care!

    • Fennelseed profile image

      Annie Fenn 5 years ago from Australia

      Must read rules for everyone, some of them a little too late for me, but glad you did a reverse on number 50!! So glad you included No.14 - I will be very cautious around poop now, cos my chocolate addiction gets me pretty desperate at times.

      Great, entertaining list and so worth reading and taking heed of your rules, thank you Josh, you definitely brighten my day!!!

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 5 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Annie,

      I am glad you enjoyed this hub! Yeah I figured I would reverse #50 :) Yes, that poop does look similar, you can neevr be too cautious! I am glad i was able to brighten up your day! Take care now!

    • pstraubie48 profile image

      Patricia Scott 5 years ago from sunny Florida

      If life had an instruction manual I am not sure someone would be clever enough to put these in for us. So glad that YOU did. This was a fun read. I argued with #50 till I read on... So enertaining and a fun read. Thanks for sharing this with us.

    • momster profile image

      momster 5 years ago

      Great list, I will be sure Not to show that to my boys. They may think it cool to try some of those. Thanks for sharing.

    • rebeccamealey profile image

      Rebecca Mealey 5 years ago from Northeastern Georgia, USA

      This was a fun little read Josh. Thanks for a little endorphin spurt at the end of a long day!

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 5 years ago from Pennsylvania

      pstraubie48,

      Thanks for reading, and glad you nejoyed it! Yeah I knew I should add the disclaimer about the getting married part, lol.

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 5 years ago from Pennsylvania

      momster,

      Yes I would not advise you to show this list to your boys, ROFL. Glad you nejoyed it and you are welcome for the share!

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 5 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Rebeccamealey,

      Glad you enjoyed it and thanks for visiting another of my hubs!

    • neeleshkulkarni profile image

      neeleshkulkarni 5 years ago from new delhi

      all of them true my friend,but none truer than that if you forget your wedding day you might as well mow over a beehive and then rush into the lions cage and offer him your hand to chew on.

      you are bound to be safer.

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 5 years ago from Pennsylvania

      neelesh,

      LMAo, thanks for that funny response! Glad you enjoyed it!

    • suzettenaples profile image

      Suzette Walker 5 years ago from Taos, NM

      josh: I have just been laughing out loud over this hub! This is a great list. Your imagination and creativity is hysterical. I needed a good laugh today, too. Thank you!!! You are one of the best hubbers to happen to HP since I've been here!!! Your sense of humor is wonderful and I wish I could write hubs like this. You are very, very talented and you should be sending these hubs to SNL. Bravo!

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 5 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Suzette,

      WOW, that was anwesome comment! You just made my night! Can I vote up your comment and share it like a hub? LOL That was so nice of you to say, I really appreciate it!

    • Mhatter99 profile image

      Martin Kloess 5 years ago from San Francisco

      You forgot this one: BREATH :))

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 5 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Mhatter99,

      LMAO, always leave it to you for the hilarious responses! Thanks! I seriously should of thrown that in there!

    • Trinity M profile image

      Trinity M 5 years ago

      Great fun. I enjoyed all 49 of your instructions… I was about to contact the mafia about #50 but caught your addendum just in time! LOL. Thanks for the laugh. Voted up and funny.

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 5 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Trinity M,

      LOL, haha thanks for that hilarious comment! Great start to my day! Thanks for the votes!

    • marcoujor profile image

      Maria Jordan 5 years ago from Jeffersonville PA

      Are you joshing me, Josh?

      Rumor has it that Bieber has Mafia connections...so don't be flippin' him off like that...!

      You are adorably funny and your writing makes me smile, thank you.

      Voted UP & FAB. Hugs, Maria

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 5 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Maria,

      Thanks appreciate your funny response Thanks for your encouraging comment!

      Thanks for your votes and hugs back at you! :)

    • catgypsy profile image

      catgypsy 5 years ago from the South

      Very funny Josh! I laughed my way through it, which is always a pleasure. Thanks for lifting my spirits.

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 5 years ago from Pennsylvania

      catgyspy,

      Thanks for commenting, and I am thrilled that you enjoyed it! Have a good one, take care!

    • CrazedNovelist profile image

      A.E. Williams 5 years ago from Hampton, GA

      You have a great sense of humor, Josh. Love it. I have one for you.

      51. Don't call a woman "sir" unless you're absolutely sure!! True Story! lol. Catch you around.

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 5 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Aubrey,

      Thanks for reading and great addition!

    • MarieAlice profile image

      MarieAlice 5 years ago from Peru

      hahahah...thanks for making me laugh!!!!

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 5 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Marie,

      You are definitely welcome, anytime! :) I have several more hubs like that.

    • GmaGoldie profile image

      Kelly Kline Burnett 5 years ago from Madison, Wisconsin

      You had me til the end - I could not disagree more! Love being married.

      Delightful hub!

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 5 years ago from Pennsylvania

      GMA,

      Thanks, glad you enjoyed it! Yes, that is why I added the disclaimer, it was just for a joke :)

    • penlady profile image

      penlady 4 years ago from Sacramento, CA

      These are hilarious! It's great midday entertainment while passing the day away.

      Voted up and funny.

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      penlady,

      Glad you had a good laugh!

    • profile image

      KDuBarry03 4 years ago

      I really must appreciate you for this very informative hub on the don't in life. Rule #50 truly speaks out to me; it is very informative and straight to the point LOL :)

      Congrats on winning the funniest hub! This definitely deserved it :)

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Keith,

      Thanks so much for this awesome compliment! You rock Keith!

    • RealHousewife profile image

      Kelly Umphenour 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

      Yay Josh! What did I tell you? Huh? lol

    • Millionaire Tips profile image

      Shasta Matova 4 years ago from USA

      Congratulations on the Hubbie award. Well deserved!

    • redwards01 profile image

      redwards01 4 years ago from Bermuda

      Not sure wether to follow these rule or take them as a challenge. I've done a few of these and think I can do more. Great hub by the way and congrats for winning a Hubbie award.

    • g-girl11 profile image

      g-girl11 4 years ago

      Congrats on the Hubbie Award! You made me laugh..but I'm not sure I agree with number 50! :)

    • suzettenaples profile image

      Suzette Walker 4 years ago from Taos, NM

      Congratulations on the Hubbie Award - you are very deserving - this is hilarious. Next - SNL!

    • Sunshine625 profile image

      Linda Bilyeu 4 years ago from Orlando, FL

      WTG Josh! A well deserved Hubbie for you! :)

    • ThoughtSandwiches profile image

      ThoughtSandwiches 4 years ago from Reno, Nevada

      Josh,

      WTG buddy! As it happens...I'm embarrassed to admit that this would have come in handy had I read this prior to that ill-advised patty-cake game with that jelly fish. Oh sure...it started out all fun and games...

      Congrats!

      Thomas

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Kelly,

      Thanks so much Kelly! LOL :)

    • josh3418 profile image
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      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Millionaire,

      Thanks so much!!

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      redwards01,

      Haha, I think the same thing as well! LOL Thanks for the congrats!

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      g-girl,

      Thanks for the congrats! Glad you had a good laugh, and that is why I added the necessary disclaimer, hehe.

    • josh3418 profile image
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      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Suzette,

      Thanks Suzette! I am glad you enjoyed it! :)

    • josh3418 profile image
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      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Linda,

      Thanks so much Linda, and congrats to you too!

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Thomas,

      Thanks buddy! Oh no, you played the patty-cake game with the jellyfish???!!! LOL Thanks!

    • Made profile image

      Madeleine Salin 4 years ago from Finland

      Congrats on winning the hubbie award! After reading this hub I can see why. :) I don't do #34. I haven't done #50. I really liked #42. I agree with all things, even that the little girl on the photo was too precious not to add. I loved the introduction. It really got me captured.

    • vespawoolf profile image

      vespawoolf 4 years ago from Peru, South America

      Congratulations on your Hubbie award! No wonder this hub was awarded with the title of funniest. Once again, I'm flabbergasted by your look into the psyche of women. : ) Voted up and shared!

    • Cogerson profile image

      Cogerson 4 years ago from Virginia

      Just wanted to stop by and check out your award winning 2012 hub...I can see why this won the Funniest Hub of the year....I am very happy for you .....keep up the good work....congrats again.

    • Suzie HQ profile image

      Suzanne Ridgeway 4 years ago from Dublin, Ireland

      Hi ya josh, CONGRATS buddy on your hubbie!! Well deserved and I am thrilled for you, you are a very talented "so and so", as we sometimes say here! How'd I miss this hub???

      Fab from start to finish . . . . love mistaking poop for melted choc??????!!!!

      closet Justin fan , you are full of surprises!!lol

      Thanks a million for all your support and enthusiasm my friend, appreciate it always.

      Voted this masterpiece up up and Shared (maybe one or two left that have'nt read it yet!)

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Made,

      Thanks for the congrats Made! Glad the intro captured you, that was my goal! :)

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      vespa,

      Thanks for the congrats! Appreciate your compliment here as well!

    • josh3418 profile image
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      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Cogerson,

      Thanks buddy! I appreciate your compliment, and I will keep it up! LOL

    • josh3418 profile image
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      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Suzie,

      Thanks so much for the congrats Sue! Thanks for the encouragement and support!

    • daisydayz profile image

      Chantele Cross-Jones 4 years ago from Cardiff

      Lol great hub! And congrats on the hubbie. I agree with most even the Bieber! I broke 50 already though sorry!! lol!

    • marcoujor profile image

      Maria Jordan 4 years ago from Jeffersonville PA

      I am coming back a few weeks later... Even funnier, sweet Josh!

      A big ole CONGRATS and will be adding your award to your interview soon! Hugs, Maria

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Daisy,

      Thanks for the congrats! No need to be sorry! :) LOL

    • josh3418 profile image
      Author

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Maria,

      Thanks so much Maria! I am so surprised I won it!

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      Willette 4 years ago from Michigan

      Hey Josh! Very interesting list. Glad I'm not that crazy about chocolate, that was gross! Love It!! Thumbs up!

    • MarleneB profile image

      Marlene Bertrand 4 years ago from Northern California, USA

      "Better read the house rules!" That is my favorite line in the cool song you provided - A nice touch and truly added to the experience of reading your very hilarious hub.

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      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Kelly,

      Thanks Kelly! Glad you enjoyed it! :)

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      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Marlene,

      Thanks for reading Marlene! Glad you found it hilarious! :)

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      Hedocurus 4 years ago from Olive Branch, MS

      You left out "Don't stick beans up your nose"

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      chrissieklinger 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Love it! Congrats on winning the hubbie award!

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      kjforce 4 years ago from Florida

      Josh3418..Absolutely loved the hub..congrats on your win...should have read this before I started out this morning...too many touched home..funny, but my husband has a folder with ALL manuals that ever came with toys for our kids, still in the plastic . You would be surprised how a kid can learn to ride a bike without a seat and upside down handle bars...

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      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Hedocurus,

      Whoops! :) LOL

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      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Chrissie,

      Thanks so much Chrissie! :)

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      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      kj force,

      Thanks for the congrats and your hilarious response! Upside down handle bars? Too funny!

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      Karen Szklany Gault 4 years ago from New England

      Hey Josh,

      Fun hub! It's obvious that you had fun writing it. Fun photos and video. Congratulations on your well-deserved hubbie award, too!

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      Rfordin 4 years ago from Florida

      Always entertaing Josh!

      I must admit though it kinda reads like the "idiot" warnings on many products. Half the time when I read the warnings I am shocked to think people tried such and such so many times that the company felt it needed a warning...overall....loved it!!!

      ~Becky

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      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Seafarer,

      Thanks glad you liked it! Thanks for the congrats as well!

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      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Becky,

      Thanks Becky, glad you liked this funny hub! :)

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      Mike Pugh 4 years ago from New York City

      Yet another hilarious classic hub of your Josh, wow!

      I love number 27, and 35 the most, because safety is paramount while hubbing, and trying to gasp for oxygen, because you haven't drank any water in hours, or even wen't to the bathroom yet, LOL.

      You're a true comedian if any have ever existed, and its possible you may even end up on television some day with this level of silly, but realistic jokes, that are no joke at all if people are careless enough to not abide by them.

      Nice one bro! I already shared it, and its getting voted up on all levels indeed. Bam!

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      MundaneMondays 4 years ago

      Don't double dip the chip lol, George Costanza learned the hard way lol

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      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Mike,

      Thanks so much for your awesome feedback and comments on my hubs bud! You are so encouraging! Loved your comment about hubbing LOL Thanks for the comliment on my humor as well, much appredciated!

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      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Mundane,

      Awesome addition I love Seinfeld!! :)

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      Zulma Burgos-Dudgeon 4 years ago from United Kingdom

      Absolutely hilarious. You truly deserved a Hubbie.

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      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      phoenix,

      Thanks so much for stopping by and congratulating me! :)

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      MundaneMondays 4 years ago

      Hey, you can learn a lot from Seinfeld, every episode has a do and don't lol

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      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Mundane,

      Yes, that is so very true!! :)

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      chloelozano 4 years ago

      I voted up! This is a very funny Hub :) And I love that you threw in the Do Not Try These disclaimer because you know someone is going to do just that, lol.

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      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Chloe,

      Thanks, glad you enjoyed it! I love adding disclaimers! :) LOL

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      Jessee R 4 years ago from Gurgaon, India

      I would never listen to Justin Bieber for sure... well I can brother that you have learnt a lot in quite a short span of time..... I have been on many of your rules here... haha....

      Great hub man...(chuckles )

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      Gypsy Rose Lee 4 years ago from Riga, Latvia

      Voted up and funny. Josh this is terrific. If I followed these rules closely I should be set for a long and healthy life. Fantastic. Keep them coming. Passing this on.

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      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Rahul,

      Thanks bud, glad you enjoyed this hub! I had a lot of fun with it! :)

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      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Gypsy,

      Thanks friend! Glad you enjoyed this one! Thanks for sharing Gypsy, you are too kind!

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      Girish puri 4 years ago from NCR , INDIA

      josh love the way you write and why unmarried...lol, hubpages is full of beautiful girls of all ages....lol, awesome share, thanks

    • rajan jolly profile image

      Rajan Singh Jolly 4 years ago from From Mumbai, presently in Jalandhar,INDIA.

      Quite and interesting and funny read Josh. I must have done quite a few of these "don't do" things. Wish I had this manual then ! Lol!

      Voted up, funny and awesome.

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      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      girishpuri,

      Thanks, glad you like my writing! I was kidding! :)

    • josh3418 profile image
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      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Rajan,

      Thanks buddy, glad you enjoyed it! :) Thanks for the votes Rajan!

    • ChristyWrites profile image

      Christy Birmingham 4 years ago from British Columbia, Canada

      I like the bonus rules the best! :)

    • nanderson500 profile image

      nanderson500 4 years ago from Seattle, WA

      Good stuff, I liked the one about mistaking poop for chocolate.

    • dghbrh profile image

      deergha 4 years ago from ...... a place beyond now and beyond here !!!

      wowww Josh....ha ha ha...well laugh done..oh no...well job done....hats off......no 21...thinking and cracking up....no 27....oh yeah never should be done......ha ha ha....no 40.....huh...forget it ...actually everything is just so necessary to assemble life......and disclaimer clause....too good. You are awesome. all votes up for this and shares as well:-)

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      mejohnson 4 years ago

      Darn, you were kidding about #50?!?

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      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Christy,

      Good to see you Christy! Yes, I do too! :)

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      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      nanderson500,

      Yeah, that is a good one! :)

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      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      dghbrh,

      LOL thanks so much! Glad you got a good laugh out of this one! :)

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      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      mejohnson,

      Eh, it depends how badly do you want me not to be kidding about that one? :)

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      Richard Ricky Hale 4 years ago from West Virginia

      Josh, this was comical pal! Great idea and great manual. Since I failed on manual rule 50, you should write a manual for those of us that have cause I wish there was one to read! Awesome job Josh!!

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      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      TLW,

      Thanks for the visit! I am glad you thought it was funny! :)

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      Linda Bilyeu 4 years ago from Orlando, FL

      I'm having Josh withdrawals. Stopped by to say "heyya" and congrats again on your Hubbie Award! :)

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      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Heyya Linda,

      LOL, thanks for the congratulations! :)

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      Annie Fenn 4 years ago from Australia

      Congratulations Josh, a very well deserved award - Good onya Mate!!!

    • fpherj48 profile image

      Paula 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

      I am shocked that I somehow missed this hub....and you won the 2012 Hubbie Award....Congrats, Josh!! This is a great, fun read!! Thanks for the advice. I'll try to keep my manual close by!

    • Mama Kim 8 profile image

      Sasha Kim 4 years ago

      I wish I would have known 16, 21, 22 (only mushrooms not berries), 24, 32 and 44 as a child. Wow... I broke a lot of rules as a child ^_^ I don't know which was worse... eating poisonous mushrooms because I was a stupid 5 year old who thought the ones growing in the lawn were the same as the ones my mom puts in salads or running into the slide glass door during my older sister's sweet 16 ^_^

      I'm not surprised you won a hubbie award! It's wonderful. I hope you're planning a sequel! Voted a whole bunch ^_^

    • ishwaryaa22 profile image

      Ishwaryaa Dhandapani 4 years ago from Chennai, India

      I suddenly remembered my promise on the day you won the hubbie award for this hub that I will come over and read it. Here I kept my word. An engaging & hilarious hub! You are probably the first hubber that made me laugh aloud! # 21 is true in my case - Not Me; it's my school classmate & friend. He was thrilled when our country team won one of the cricket matches and painted himself, including his mouth with blue ink - blue is the dress color code of India cricket team! I recalled this last year at my another friend's birthday party and we all laughed, including this friend of mine! A fetching hub! Again congrats on the win! Way to go, Josh!

      Thanks for SHARING. Funny, Awesome & Interesting. Voted up

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      RunningDeer 4 years ago from Iowa

      Michael Phelps is part dolphin. Also, I would never listen to Justin Bieber. Hilarious!

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      Deborah Brooks Langford 4 years ago from Brownsville,TX

      Josh so funny.. I heard you were gone for a while? I sure hope you are coming back.. It would not be the same without you..

      sharing

      Debbie

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      hubsy 4 years ago

      It's like he knows.

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      Jasmine 4 years ago

      These rules are right on the spot and so funny lol I'm glad billybuc recommended your hubs; I had a good laugh with this one. Number 34 laughed both my socks and head off! Unfortunately, the sad truth is my sister (12) is in love with Justin Bieber and I'm taking her to his concert. I won't listen to him, but I'll be watching and listening my sis melting and screaming and all...

    • jtrader profile image

      jtrader 4 years ago

      5, 16 and 32 are essential ;-)

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