Movie Spoiler - Repo Men

Warning: don't read this unless you want to know what I think happens in Repo Men, the movie.

Welcome to the world of the future. Not the far away distant future like when Congress grows a spine, but a closer future. Welcome to a coming-soon-to-a-hospital-near-you future replete with high-tech human organs. Yes, you can log on to OrgansAreUs.com and order up a shiny state of the art spleen to celebrate your new promotion at your futuristic high-tech job. High-tech doctors will pop it in for you over a 3-day weekend. Unfortunately ObamaCare has not yet been approved; organs come with a rather high price tag. Fortunately every hospital has added a Check-n-Go Memorial Wing, where you can borrow what you need. Unfortunately the hospitals also keep on retainer a duo of highly skilled "repo men" who blithely retrieve organs that have fallen into collections. Fortunately these guys execute their assigned duties with humor and compassion for each other. Unfortunately the tools of their trade are a big knife and an even bigger knife.

Repo Men presents us a generic buddy film wrapped in a slasher movie. Jude Law and Forest Whitaker team up to crack wise while portraying conflicted contractors charged with extracting replacement organs from deadbeat clients. One can only speculate as to the career path necessary to gain such gainful employment. Perhaps our dynamic slicers and dicers grew up craving attention from parents who were too busy at the stockyard to provide proper parental guidance. Maybe they flunked out of med school in Grenada. For whatever reason, Jude and Forest find themselves tricked out in body armor. They drive a souped-up Ford Tempo complete with a tiny screen that flashes and whistles when a 'client' is within range. Wal Mart must have been sold out of Garmins.

This futuristic celluloid contrivance provides a framework for Forest and Jude to needle each other while carving up the used organ market. No movie succeeds without internal conflict; the fellows soon learn how the other half lives when one of them receives an artificial organ, then falls behind on the payments (his billing rate wasn't nearly high enough), and becomes a hunted man. It can't end well. Whenever he gets in the Ford Organmobile, the little screen squeals with delight and he is obligated to cut himself open. That's a denouement with which we can live. Unfortunately the screenplay wasn't written by a 5th grader, which leads to 60 more minutes of one-liners interspersed between car chases melded with moments of regret combined into a health care morality play.

Does it all play together? Can childhood friends make a comfortable living in the gory futuristic world of organ repossession? Perhaps. Can Oscar winning actors make this twisted tale even remotely believable? Probably. Can a Ford Fiesta be retrofitted with a tiny full color display? Who cares?