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My Top 10 Tiger Woods Retorts

Updated on February 7, 2011

Well, if it wasn't enough that I had to listen to the tv this morning blathering on about Tiger Woods (you bet I changed that channel quicker than you can say in a pigs eye), which immediately prompted my writing the poem Stop Talking about Tiger Woods today, no, one of my favourite, chat friends had go bring up the flipping subject too!

Well you guessed it, not thirty seconds into him recounting the juicy details with relish, I flew right off the handle, (picture me doing that eh) and cut him off with one of my heavily sarcastic, intentionally simple comeback lines.

Thankfully, that wisecrack was enough to shut him up ( surprised the heck out of him too I'm sure).

Fortunately (because I really didn't want him to think I was being rude; well I wasn't, I was just being derisive (says I with a minx twinkle in my eye)), aside from being surprised and quieted, he also laughed his arse off after a moment (guess my quip took a moment to sink in) and asked me for more quips.

So here they are:

#10) Oh imagine that, he’s the very first person EVER to do that!

#9) What, all of a sudden he’s NOT the greatest golfer ever?!

#8) Ha! Don’t tell me he was ACTUALLY your role-model?

#7) Would you leave the man and his family alone P U L E E Z E!

#6) Um, how IMPORTANT is the Tiger thing next to say, world hunger?

#5) Pick a topic... any topic... EXCEPT the Tiger Woods topic!

#4) Let he who is perfect SLICE the first balls!

#3) Get a life, and STOP sticking your nose into his!

#2) Can’t we ALL just get along?

And drumroll...

#1) I don’t care, so stop telling me about it!

___________________________________, my pen is a mighty sword!

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    • callmefoxxy profile image

      callmefoxxy 8 years ago

      @Dink96. You said it! Right On!

      @Actioncameron. LOL! Hmm, I wonder if the golf club was damaged at all... cause it would be worth what now, um... at least a tooth don't ya think?

      callmefoxxy, my pen is a mighty sword!

    • callmefoxxy profile image

      callmefoxxy 8 years ago

      @Chris Eddy111: Hiya girl! Thanks so much. Really glad you liked them.

      @Micky Dee. Exactly MD, exactly, exactly, exactly, exactly! Isn't it great when we agree? LoL. Now if only the world would just listen to us...

      callmefoxxy, my pen is a mighty sword!

    • Actioncameron profile image

      Actioncameron 8 years ago from Prince George, BC

      He may have just slid under the radar had it not been for the golf club in his teeth. Man I'll bet that hurt!

    • Dink96 profile image

      Dink96 8 years ago from Phoenix, AZ

      RIGHT ON!!! It's like Bill Clinton, and the rest of these other guys who are indiscreet. I don't really care about their "dirty laundry." It's between them and their family. Can they rule the free world? Can he still golf? I don't care WHAT a person does in the privacy of their own home as long as he or she didn't physically hurt anyone. C'mon people, don't you have other more impt. stuff to worry about?

    • Micky Dee profile image

      Micky Dee 8 years ago

      Isn't it something? He slices one and his "commercialism" isn't up to snuff. David sent a neighbor out to be killed so that David could have another "chick" and people name their kids David with no problem. Why the favorites?

      So now let's punish Tiger, his wife, and his children because Tiger missed a putt. Did Tiger kill someone that I'm unaware of? Did he start the war in Iraq? Did Tiger bring down the World Trade Center like a demolition crew would and then cover up the investigation? Did Tiger perpetuate an Injustice system that has ruined more lives than we can count? I don't care for idols. I don't really care for actors or athletes- but come on people. He didn't walk on water but he didn't kill anybody! I know what you're saying Foxxy Girl!

    • Chris Eddy111 profile image

      Chris Eddy111 8 years ago from Ontario, Canada

      Girl, that could be on David Letterman's top ten. You could put these in with stuff on laughter. Good hubs.