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The Best Show Of All Timers #8 -- SAVED BY THE BELL

Updated on December 5, 2009

Saved By The Bell is a great show for kids.

Very very entertaining.

Let's make fun of it anyway, what the hell, as long as we're here--

What a realistic take on high school.

Almost as realistic as High School Musical.

Not NEARLY as realistic as West Side Story...but it was pretty god damn realistic.

Bayside High is like any high school. There are no gangs, no graffiti on the walls, I never see incidents of Zac or Kelly opening their lockers, picking up loose pieces of paper inside, then examining them and saying,"Urine, again!". Nobody ever walks by to snag A.C. Slater's hat while four of their friends are standing by waiting to jump in because they're about to flunk out and A.C.'s dad would kill him if he fought somebody, and there is absolutely no sodomy going on in the parking lot. Kelly is a good upstanding girl and she's going to wait til marriage to let that magnificent boody do it's work. Add to that, it showed how the jocks and Jesse the Junkie all love ugly goofball nerds with suspenders and no muscles like Screech who go absolutely shocked when you point out that in your conversation about Paris, you WEREN'T just referring to Paris, Texas.

So let's tell the story of Saved by the Bell! And this time, it will be in utter seriousness.

ZAC MORRIS -- One of the best on-screen personas ever. Don't believe me, see Dead Man on Campus. Mark Paul-Gossalaar's a good presence. He anchors this show and makes it entertaining. It was almost completely derailed in the early going however. And that was due to

MS. BLISS -- all these episodes are stupid. They're set in Indiana and about as funny as the very very very first Simpsons episodes when Homer was trying to be serious and he was always doing things to make their family perfect. The kids today would be amazed to see a Simpsons episode where the star was not Homer, but Bart. Homer's been the star of the Simpsons for almost 99% of the time it's been on. Almost twenty years to the date. Bart Simpson was the big thing for six months.

A.C. SLATER -- this guy was a tool, and gave off all the wrong hints. It implied that the only way a black dude could get the same chick as skinny ass Zac Morris was if he was buff and tough and the star of every sport.

LISA TURTLE -- the black chick who was so so so fine. She gets with Zac in one single episode, but the rest of the time it's implied that either she goes dateless, or she gets Screech. Very clearly a ranking exists on this show, and she and Screech are like the Bobby and Cindy. It reminds me of my grade school. They had alot of deaf kids, and at the end, the white kids in my options class would, when they did the class polls, put the results for our class first, then the regular-grade kids, and then the deaf kids. They would have no idea either why the deaf and regular-grade kids were so mad. Absolutely no parents or teachers caught it or thought to complain.

That was the late 80s, baby.

SCREECH -- Screech was too damn bored with everything to really try.

KELLY KAPOWSKI -- Kelly was so fine. It was hard to argue the racist perference implications of this show because Kelly was so GOD DAMN CUTE. Any man would prefer her over the other two. Even Beyonce. It's not a black thing. It's a hot thing. And Kelly's got it. i would take Kelly over Marcia.

Brenda Song is my baby. She's Laotian. Hands down the finest woman on TV.

The three hottest white women in the history of TV besides Kelly were Nicole Eggert from "Charles in Charge", this new girl on "Suite Life of Zac and Cody" when she gets older (the character's name is Bailey), and the middle girl Beverly Mitchell from "7th Heaven."

JESSIE -- Jessie was the best actress on the show. Jessie was for the smart girls watching. She was their Lisa Simpson, but almost never did she have a clue as to what was actually...going on. She knew when she had been slighted, that's about it.


MR. BELDING -- Sure showed some freaking favoritism, didn't he? Six kids get to run the place under his watch and from his office, and he devotes all their time to them.

And now for number seven...CLICK BELOW! Don't worry about the link! I can't change the title!


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