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Part 3 of The Family Sarnath: A Fun Suburban Romp Through a House of Repulsive Horror

Updated on May 31, 2011
Slithering green Cthulhu monster courtesy of Ape Lad (Adam Koford).
Slithering green Cthulhu monster courtesy of Ape Lad (Adam Koford).

Chapter 6: Deep Dysfunction

Like two comets racing through the cosmos were Billy and Jeffy- one to its eternal splendor, the other to its cataclysmic doom.  Jeffy's childish act towards Billy was not unnoticed by Mr. and Mrs. Keane, nor was it forgotten.  Yet in the grand scheme of things, a slight against a mere mortal was not worth severe punishment.  It was Jeffy's comments regarding an old illustration of one of Cthulu's numerous descendants however, that drew out the attention, and anger, of the Deep Ones

While Billy spent evening upon evening in diligent research, Jeffy slipped further and further into rebellion, going so far as to brandish a hammer against his own father.  The dysfunctional nature of the Keane household was now at a fever pitch, and though it pained Mr. and Mrs. Keane to even consider it, an example had to be made out of little, rabble-rousing Jeffy.  

H.P. Lovecraft, a Brilliant Writer who used his talents to terrify us

Chapter Seven: The Untimely Demise of Jeffy

Neither the Keane family, nor their Deep Overlords, had given up on poor little Jeffy.  It was only a matter of time, they reasoned, until he understood the benefits inherent in mutating into a creepy little fish-kid.   Sure, the taunts and overall ostracism of his fellow classmates would be difficult to bear, but an immortal life lived beneath the waves would eventually soothe and erase all such painful memories.  More importantly however, few would be able to best him at the local pool.  Unfortunately, Jeffy just couldn't cope.  In fact, he was at this point displaying outright rebellion towards the Deep Ones.

In what proved to be a necessary act, an underwater council was held among the Deep Ones, and the verdict was unanimous:  Jeffy must be punished.  As it turns out, these underwater demigods, for all their aggressive, fearful posturing, are pretty sensitive folks.  While the insult "Babylonish abominations" certainly stung, it was the unforgivable smear of "Fish devils" that ultimately sealed Jeffy's fate.  In a feeble attempt to extend his life on the surface, Jeffy constructed a crude sand shrine in reverence to the Outer God known as Yog-Sothoth, foolishly hoping for his protection against the minions of Cthulu.  Unbeknownst to little Jeffy, Yog-Sothoth cared about humans a little less than humans care about raw sewage.  In fact, this attempt at cosmic intervention only served to further inflame the Deep Ones

The young child's last cry of "Daddy!" was an irony sorely lost on Jeffy.  While crying out for a biological father who now ceased to exist, Jeffy should have realized that had he merely called upon his true father's name, "Dagon,"  perhaps a more merciful fate would have been extended him.  I guess we'll never truly know.


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