Weird Guinness World Records: Warning, This May Cause Laughter!
WEIRD IS COOL
I have a special place in my heart for Guinness World Records. I know, it’s a rather weird fondness, but who can deny that one, special love? Back in 1965 some buddies and I broke the world record for the longest, continual softball game. We played 42 consecutive hours and we held the record for a grand total of one month, but hold the record we did. So you see, my fascination with the weird has some foundation.
I thought today we would take a look at a random sampling of current world records. Of course, I feel compelled to add my own brand of humor to this article. Since my sense of humor is weird it will fit in quite nicely with this article, don’t you think?
Without further delay, here are some world records that await those out there who are foolish enough, or adventuresome enough, to give it a go!
FASTEST TALKER
In 1995, Canadian Sean Shannon repeated Hamlet’s “To be or not to be” soliloquy, a total of 260 words, in 23,8 seconds.
I gotta tell ya….my ex-wife could have beaten this record easily! We would be driving down the road and get pulled over by cops for speeding and it was because of her mouth flapping. Would I lie? Would billybuc tell you a fib? Seriously, the woman could talk faster than a hummingbird on crack! She could talk faster than Sr. Mary Catherine when she was mad at me in 5th grade….MrHollandwhatwereyoudoingunderthedeskwhenmybackwasturnedyourfatherwillhearaboutthisnowgostandinthecorner! And that was when she was in a good mood!
HIGHEST SHALLOW DIVE
Danny Higginbottom of Louisiana dived 8.90 meters into 30 centimeters of water.
Okay, if I have my figures straight, this dude dove into a foot of water from something like 27 feet? Like a three-story building and he dove into a foot of water???? What Guinness never mentions with these records is whether the guy lived or not. They should make a new record out of that question: Danny Higginbottom lived two minutes, ten seconds after diving into a foot of water from the Third Floor of the Idiots Emporium!
Or they could have a record for how long it took the janitors to scrape Danny up off of the ground after this record was made. Mr. Jim Oakley broke the world record by scraping a human body off of the pavement in five minutes, eight seconds. Let’s hear it for Mr. Oakley!
Speaking of the metric system, has anyone noticed that 95% of the world uses the metric system but the United States doesn’t? It’s not that we are too dumb to convert; we’re just convinced that our way is better. Nothing says ego like the United States of America!
HAIRIEST FAMILY
Victor and Gabriel Ramos Gomez of Mexico have 98% of their bodies covered with fur.
I’m going to guess that these two guys don’t get many dates!
So, where is the 2% of their body that doesn’t have hair? Am I the only one who wants to know that? I literally spent five minutes trying to imagine what parts don’t have hair. What I came up with I can’t repeat. In fact, that is far too long spent thinking about such things. Time to move on!
Nope, I’m not done! What do they use for shampoo? They can’t use Head & Shoulders because that would in inadequate. Seems to me they would be better off walking through a car wash!
A Great Read
- Guinness World Records - Home of the Longest, Shortest, Fastest, Tallest facts and feats
Official site of Guinness World Records, the ultimate authority on record-breaking achievement, providing information about superlative facts and feats as well as record processing application for all those who want to set or break a Guinness World R
LONGEST ATTACK OF HICCUPS
This record is held by Charles Osbourne of the United States; he hiccupped from 1922 to 1990.
What they don’t mention here is that Mr. Osbourne ended his record when he attempted to do a swan dive from the Idiots Emporium in an attempt to break Mr. Higginbottom’s record. If you believe that I have some swamp land I want to sell you.
For A Little More Humor
- Funny Google Searches: How To Make Chloroform And Other Nonsense
The internet search engines are filled with bizarre searches, many of which I have felt compelled to point out to you.
LONGEST TIME WITH A NAIL IN THE HEAD
Robin Hanshaw had a one-inch rusty nail stuck between his ear and his eye for 22 years. What’s the rest of the story you ask? Glad you did because what many people don’t know is that the nail became part of his brain structure after he told his wife she talked too fast and too often. The moral of this story is never go to bed with a pissed-off wife who happens to be a carpenter.
MOST LIGHTNING STRIKES SURVIVED
A Virginia man, Roy Sullivan, suffered his seventh strike in 1977.
I don’t know about you but I have to ask why, after six lightning strikes, this guy didn’t stay inside during storms? Forget the fact that he survived six strikes; why would he risk another? Was the record something he was shooting for? Hey, there goes Roy Sullivan! He’s the guy with a lightning rod duct-taped to his head.
I’m guessing Roy didn’t have many friends. Who would want to hang with a guy whose nickname is Old Sparky?
MOST WATCHES EATEN
Kim Seung Do from Seoul, South Korea, ate five watches in one hour, thirty-four minutes in 1998.
Excuse me? For some reason I found this one the hardest to….swallow! Where does this guy go for a meal out on the town? The Rolex Outlet Store? This guy takes a lickin’ and keeps on tickin’.
Sorry, I couldn’t resist! How do you set the watches after he swallows them? Tickle him?
FASTEST SPEED DRAGGED BEHIND A MOTORBIKE
Gary Rothwell of Liverpool was dragged at 156 mph in 1999 on two titanium-soled boots.
Hey, Gary, where are you going? Oh, I thought I’d hook up with my buddy and have him drag me behind his motorcycle at 156 mph! It’s a slow day and I’ve got nothing better to do!
Nice thing about this hobby is it’s hard to get hit by lightning at that speed. Come to think of it, it’s hard for your wife the carpenter to drive a nail in your head at that speed. However, if Gary should ever swallow a watch, he could then say with all certainty that time flies!
THAT WILL DO IT FOR TODAY
You can bet I’ll be back with more of these great world records. Now that I’ve started this series I can hardly wait to find out what other idiocy awaits me.
Until then, you can check out Guinness on the web or buy the book, and then start planning your own assault on a word record. Just one word of warning: if you are from the United States, don’t pick a record that involves the metric system. It will just confuse you and make you feel stupid when you can’t do the conversion. Hey, instead, set your own record and then demand that the other 95% of the world’s inhabitants conform to your measurements. America: Love it or leave it!
2012 William D. Holland (aka billybuc)
Related
Comments
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Theophanes....LOL....that boo thing would grow old quickly, wouldn't it? :) Thanks for the visit.
Being a long time sufferer of near daily hiccup attacks I am sooo glad I don't hold the record. Imagine having someone pop out of every corner yelling "boo!" for 68 years.... It'd be like being famous... every young punk would be like, "Yeah I can scare those hiccups out of the old geezer. Just watch me!"
Also... I am pretty sure the lips and ears remain bald on people with hypertrichosis. That's 2% right? I was never good at math, maybe there's more speculation to be done.
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MJ, I can say with all certainty that I'm not diving into 12 inches of water. I'm already crazy enough; no sense adding brain injury to the mix. :) Thank you Ireland and have a great week.
Hi Billybuc
Another great hub. I have to agree with you about some of the record title names. That nutter with the dive. 27 feet and 12 inches of water. I'd love to know how he lived assuming he did. Mad doesn't come close.
Sorry I should have started with Congrats on holding a World Record.
That's some achievement and in my book the length of time doesn't matter.
As a biker I had seen that other nutter doing the drag and have to agree with your caption. Why?
Haven't us bikers got a bad enough name already.
Another great job. Voted, ticked and shared.
MJ.
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LOL...Martie, the U.S. and the metric system may never happen! Way too many independent, stubborn folks in this country. Thanks my friend!
Goodness me! Diving 8.90 meters into 30 centimeters of water? That's not weird, that is downright crazy! Not to talk about eating watches! Total madness! Lol!
Yes, that is weird - the USA not using the metric system.
Thanks, billybuc, for making me ROFL!
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Crystal, I did the same thing; the more bizarre the better! Thank you young lady; it's good to see you back!
Oh my..I've been falling behind on my reading and I can see I've missed some great stuff! Hilarious!!! I do feel sorry for the poor man who hiccuped all that time though. Love The Guinness Book of World Records - I used to own a copy when I was a kid and I'd read it over and over. Keep these coming!
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Glimmer, if I made two people smile this morning then my job is done! :) I might as well take the rest of the day off, right?
Thank you my friend; these really are pretty fascinating. Another one coming out at week's end.
My daughter is going to have to read this one! She devours Guinness World record books and frequently (sometimes too frequently) comes running over to show me her latest interesting find. Awesome hub Bill that made me smile and will make my daughter smile too!
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Thank you Rajan; it is pretty easy to find humor in these records. Have a wonderful day/evening my friend.
Bill this is really funny and enjoyed your humorous take on the Guinness World Records.
Most of these events are hilarious by themselves.
Have a good day, my friend.
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Thank you manicpanic; very nice having you visit and I'm glad you enjoyed my humor.
LOVED this hub, I actually laughed out loud a few times. You have a really great writer's voice. I'll definitely be checking out your other hubs. Voted up, funny, shared.
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Justateacher, for about one month. :) Thank you; glad you enjoyed it and it's nice to see you again.
These are awesome Bill! Can't believe you held a guinness record!
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JP, very true! Just don't eat watches....just doesn't seem like a great idea to me. :) Thanks for the visit!
I love love love this hub!!! I have been in a lot training sessions at work lately and they keep doing the " tell us something interesting about yourself" question, which I hate. I thougt to myself if I get a Guinness world record I will never have to worry about this on the spot question again!
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Tammy, I have no idea how one measures hairyness....LOL...just glad I don't have to. Thank you my friend!
The hairest family? I wonder how they measure "hairyness". I can't imagine playing baseball for 42 hours. I think I would be afraid of flying balls and being fatiqued. This is hilarious!
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Thanks Patty! I have been much too serious of late; thought I would bring a little laughter into everyone's lives...glad you enjoyed it.
ROFL...This was too Funny....ROFL
I love reading the Guinness Book of World Records as well!!! I loved the records you chose but can't stop laughing at the comments you wrote!!! ROFL, your comments caused my ribs to hurt...I wonder if there is a record for that...LOL
Many Votes and Shared!!!
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Thank you Shruti! I had great fun writing this one!
This is so fascinating to read Bill! really great achievements, and you have picked the most unusual ones. The fastest talking? haaha, i really can only imagine!
Great hub, excellent choice of topic, voted up and shared :)
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Trav, I'm glad you got a laugh or two. I will forever marvel at human beings and the things they will do. Thank you!
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Dianna, I don't have a clue; not even drunk would I try that stunt! Glad you found it enjoying; have a great weekend.
Heee - feeling very inadequate - can't compete - not even with the hiccups - well suppose I could try the nail in the head (ouch) or a few yummy watches... ohhh what next - just hilarious - thanks
The shallow dive still has me wondering. How can anyone survive a fall from that far up into so little water? It's unbelievable,but then that's why it's in the Guinness book. Amazing read -- great enjoyment for the evening.
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Ruby, look at you, a new profile picture. I love it! Thank you my dear; glad I can make you laugh.
I can't stop laughing. You are nutty and i love your humor. Cheers my friend
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Thank you stillwaters!
You have a great weekend, too, billybuc!
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Rachel, the nice thing about a bad day.....tomorrow is a new chance! Thank you and I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Up and funny and interesting! I love fun hubs, and I really needed some sillyness after the somewhat bad and most certainly bizarre day I had. Thanks for this one :)
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Awww shucks, Paula, it tweren't nothin'. Just me being me. I had to shake off the serious and get down to funny for awhile, or Bill would become too serious a boy and that is never a good thing. Thank you Paula and have a great weekend. I'll be back tomorrow talking about rhino poaching.
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Thank you Ruchira! These truly are strange events and believe me, there are many more. I'll write another one next week to prove the point. :) Have a great weekend my friend!
Funny, funny stuff! LMAO!! And YES,"weird."......but nothing that you could not make weirder!! Good job Billy! This is what we appreciate most about you......Just when we think something is crazy enough...along comes bill to push it to the limit...and leave us all rolling in the aisles!
Up funny and FUNNY! ..............Funny too.
Great research, Bill.
I agree about the metric system. Many countries use it and not the US.
I sometimes wonder if guinness guys should allow dumb activities such as jumping in 1 feet water from 26 feet...that's just plain suicidal.
This was a funny hub indeed and also highlighting some weird things that we usually overlook.
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Aww, thank you Twilight! This is the side of my writing I don't do very often; not sure why that is, but the serious side usually wins out. I appreciate your kind words.
The subject was OK, but the writing was terrific. The way you tied them together shows skill and talent.
Attaboy!
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Stillwaters, thank you so much! Have a great weekend my friend!
Faster than a hummingbird on crack? You're too funny.
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Avian....LOL...it well may be! Thank you!
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Thank you again Robin!
Awesome and up, Billy! You have a mind like a steel trap. Is that a cut nail I see by the part in your hair?
You are the awesome writer. Enjoy the weekend and every day.
BTW, Tweeted it..........
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Laurinzo, thank you so much! I appreciate your kind words. Have a wonderful weekend!
Wow billy
they should have one for hubs that generate the most laughter indeed!!!
This is incredible, and the fact that you made history wow... you are a very interesting man, and this is one of the Best hubs!
Laurinzo
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Rosyei, indeed they do! Thank you!
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Nine, that is just plain weird! Glad you dumped that ex. :) Thank you!
Interesting! It's the first time I've heard of these feats.. indeed I suppose some people like unusual activities ^_^
Your comments about Americans and meter reminded me about an ex of mine. He made me convert from a typical 1-5 or 1-10 (5 or 10 being best) scale to a 4-7 scale (with the best of 11).
Thanks for the Friday morning chuckle.
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Thanks Jelly; glad you enjoyed it and thanks for the share!
Haha, have to share this one!
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Debbie, I have done some pretty crazy stuff in my lifetime, but these things would never, ever be done by me.
Thank you my dear; enjoy your weekend!
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Rich, that had me laughing....30 minutes on cheese....you are now a god in my eyes if you pulled that off. LOL Thanks buddy; get out there and cut some cheese for lunch!
that has to be the funniest I have read.. I have never understood why you would want to do something painful just to see if you can do it and how long you can do it.. love your hub sharing
Debbie
Bill -
I'd say it was time for Kim Seung Do to start a new diet! (Sorry, I couldn't resist) When I was in radio, I once had to speak for 30 minutes each hour (for 4 hours) about the largest piece of cheese according to Guinness. It was brought by semi to tour the U.S. Now, there's only so much you can say about cheese. It was the one time I could say "Cut the cheese" without getting blipped out while on the air. Great Job, my friend!
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Kelly, you are a woman of many talents! I want to watch (pun intended) the next time you try!
Thanks my friend; have a great weekend!
Bill - omg! I think I can eat six watches! Hahaha
Wow! Lmao
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Thank you Robin; that is a true compliment coming from a writer of your abilities. Have a wonderful weekend!
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Alecia, I have to admit, I was grossed out by the hairiest family. Glad they aren't related to me. :) Thank you!
Someone who eats watches, that's just plain crazy. Hairiest family, that's a circumstance I'm glad I don't face. Funny hub!
Billy, this indeed did not disappoint. I don't know whether I laughed harder over the watch story, or the nail in the head (tops Lorena Bobbit story) or your wife paralleling the fastest talker,lol. So funny. Thanks.
Your writing and humor---just wonderful.
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Mark, it's frightening in here! LOL Thanks buddy and best of luck to you!
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Thank you Debby and amazingly yes, he did survive. I'm not sure how that is possible but Guinness says he lived so I have no reason to doubt it....I guess. Glad you enjoyed your visit!
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ChristysWorld, thank you so much! Weird records deserve a weird sense of humor, don't you think?
Another look into the amazing mind of our own Billybuc!
pure genius. Love your puns. keep up the great work.
Hi Bill ~ I needed to read this to tickle my funny bone after all the serious reports I've been reading. However, I'm quite concerned that the majority of these folks need their head examined, except you for your short-lived record that sounds like pure fun with friends.
Can you please tell us if the diver survived? The hair covered person may have the face, palms and soles of feet sans hair. Would that be 20 percent? Voted funny!
Enjoy your day, Debby
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Sasha...that is too funny! Can you imagine even thinking about doing that? LOL Thank you dear; have a great weekend.
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Dr. Pooja, thank you! I have an interesting mind to say the least. :)
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rfmoran, I try to limit those watches myself; too much indigestion. :) Thank you my friend and have a great weekend.
Too funny! I love the Guinness books! I've spent hours reading those things ^_^ way better than some silly magazine! My husband's Korean and I told him about the watch eater - he shook his head in shame! ^_^ Voted a bunch and shared!
I agree with another Hubber that you come up with interesting topics and your way of writing makes each topic irresistible.
Me, I never eat more than one watch a day, unless I have a nail in my head. A hoot of a Hub.
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My pleasure Susan; i don't know why, but the hair one grossed me out. :)
Here I thought my cousin was married to the hairiest guy... Victor and Gabriel sure have him beat. Thanks for the laughs!
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Marcoujor....Maria....I really need to get over and visit you...consider it done now....thank you my dear! I'm glad you enjoyed my silliness!
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Linda.....LOL....I have no doubt that I did!
Oh Bill,
This is a belly buster... I will love a series like this. Your comments make even the most lunatic records more laughable yet.
Your ex wife tale about did me in... Now I'm convinced you are a sweetie.
Actually I thought the same thing. I think I lost a few brain cells over the years.
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Thanks Linda! Ten sneezes in a minute? That would be enough to blow my brains out. :)
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Michelle, I have a lot of these records to pick from, so I'm sure the guy with the nails will be included soon enough...in fact, I'll do him in the next installment. Thank you!
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Spy, that's a great story! You don't get mad, do you? Hard to believe! :) Thank you dear!
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Thank you Sherri! I haven't done humor in a couple weeks and I missed it.
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Joseph....read my lips....great one my friend! That's a long time in the printing facilities.....I hope you took a good, long sleep after that. Thanks buddy!
Guinness World records are always entertaining to hear about. I can't imagine 42 hours of softball, that's a heck of a lot of "batter's up!" It's always interesting to see what people would do to be a record holder. I considered trying to get a record for sneezing. My record holds at ten sneezes within a minute. Yes, I counted and timed it. Good hub!
Hi BIll....survived some lightning strikes myself, in all places, a school!! I think my school should've been in the Guinness Book of Records for most lightning strikes in a school. And I think the world's hairiest family would certainly be interesting to meet. I used to get hiccups pretty bad too. Interesting and cute facts here!! (Hey you didn't include the guy with the longest nails from India!!)
very strange and you can say "whoahhhh...".. people have talents! especially on talking fast..hehe used to do that to vest when im really really mad..and all he could say was "vest, can you repeat that again?i did not understand a word.." and i'll just smile..his easiest way to make me smile when im mad.
Another great series in the making! Love how you tie these things together. Up, funny, all that!
I did break a record of my own in 1994. A blizzard struck on a Friday and we were at work-- Financial printing facility. Production didn't stop because we stayed in and didn't leave until monday. We would take naps on and off, but we kept the presses going. No crew showed up until that morning. We got buried inside the Printing facility. We got paid extra bonus for those 3x24 hours. Thanks for the series bill. Never tried that shallow diving. Would be good for a political incorrect candidate though. Yeah! We will read his lips after the plunge.
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Nina....thank you! Those silly foreigners! LOL I appreciate you dropping by and have a great weekend.
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Jools, I have been fascinated by Guinness all my life and I simply don't understand how people think some of these things are good ideas. Glad you enjoyed it; more coming. Have a great weekend.
Aren't people strange? Who eats watches? It's just too daft for works and jumping from a height into a foot of water? He needs his head testing :o), that's if it's still atop his neck and shoulders and now not embedded in his pelvis.
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Janine, I hadn't even thought of that movie until you mentioned it.....hilarious scene! Thank you my dear; I had fun with this one and there are a lot to choose from for future hubs. Thank you for the share; I truly do appreciate you.
This hub is hilarious!!!!! I don't know of anyone in their right minds who would try any of these feats. I've noticed that these daredevils live in other countries....duh, no one in the U.S. would do these things. Voted up and away!!!!!!!! Keep up the good work billybuc.
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Mary, thank you! I really should do more humor, but I get hung up on the serious side of life and trying to right wrongs, and then I forget all about the humor. Glad you liked it and I'm glad you are on Pinterest....I get a lot of views from them.
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Carol, I just shake my head and laugh; the human species is, if nothing else, interesting. Thank you!
Bill, this was hysterical seriously, the lightening strikes had me thinking of the movie the Great Outdoors with John Candy and the guy that was struck by lightening 66 times, lol!! Seriously congrats on winning the record for longest consecutive hours played for a softball game. Have of course voted up, shared and tweeted too!!
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