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The Comedy Workshop: Summer Vacation Destinations For Bankers...Warning....May Cause Laughter

Updated on September 23, 2013
Many Farms, Arizona
Many Farms, Arizona | Source
Tin Cup, Colorado
Tin Cup, Colorado | Source
Lovely Carefree, Indiana
Lovely Carefree, Indiana | Source
Ransom, Kansas
Ransom, Kansas | Source
Fidelity, Missouri, cemetery
Fidelity, Missouri, cemetery | Source

I would be remiss if I did not include in this series some great vacation spots for bankers. I hold such a special spot in my heart for bankers, as I’m sure all of us do. After all, where would we be without you? How could we possibly live our lives without overdraft fees and foreclosures? There is nothing quite like losing your Pin number and practically being strip-searched when you request a new one. You guys and gals with your silly procedures! LOL We just love the way you make us grovel for a meeting with you and then watch you read your profit and loss statements while we beg for a loan. How do you do that? How do you look at someone like they have a booger on their nose? It is a remarkable talent that you have for dehumanizing people and so we salute you!

Here are some great vacation spots for you to consider. Since every day seems to be a holiday for you, we are pretty sure you won’t have any trouble freeing yourself up for an extended trip. We guarantee some pretty special events await you at these lovely destinations.

MANY FARMS, ARIZONA

This is the perfect spot for you to visit. You can compare Many Farms to the many farms you have foreclosed on over the years. Take a drive down Weeping Milk Maid Lane and grab a couple jugs-to-go at the Milk Stool Tavern.

For dinner have a Delinquent Steak at the Compound Interest Inn; make sure you pay on time or they will stop you at the door, pump your stomach, and suck you dry. It’s just like being a banker so you should appreciate the gesture.

FANNIE, ARKANSAS

This is the ultimate theme town and the theme is bankers. As you drive into town you will notice all the townsfolk with their pants down to their ankles and their butts up in the air. That is their gracious salute to you and it comes from the heart. With your unending devotion to your work, you have touched these people deeply and they will never forget it.

There is a carnival right in the middle of town. Take the gondola through the House of Horrors which resembles a bank in such detail that you will swear you are having two martinis on a Tuesday morning. And yes, it is all tax deductible in your honor.

PEANUT, CALIFORNIA

You simply have to go to the magic show when you are in Peanut. They have this magician who will take your hard-earned cash, turn it into millions, and give you peanuts in return. Yes, it is done in your honor and yes, the government encourages it.

About once every ten years they have a special show where the magician takes your money, turns it into millions, gives you back nothing and then asks for Federal assistance to pay for the productions costs of the magic show. It really is a memory that will last a lifetime.

TIN CUP, COLORADO

Don’t be alarmed when you drive into town and see all the citizens holding tin cups. That’s just their way of showing you that you matter to them. Toss a few coins at them as you drive by; they will respond by saluting you with a finger of love.

Every single day there is an antique car show in town. You can see these relics in front yards, backyards and rusting in the fields. Get into the spirit of things by towing a few of their cars away. The crowds love it when you put their cars on trailers and charge them for the towing fee. Great fun indeed!

CAREFREE, INDIANA

There is not a care in the world in Carefree, Indiana. Why would there be? The townsfolk don’t have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out.

This town is rather unique in that there are no homes….only retail strip-malls. Where do the citizens live? On the outskirts of course in a development called Tent City! If you are hungry you can stop at the Road Kill Diner but we really wouldn’t suggest it.

RANSOM, KANSAS

Hey, you guys (and gals) have kidnapped the American Dream; you might as well hole up in Ransom for vacation. Here all of your demands will be met and as an added bonus you can wash away your sins at the Government Spa, located at the intersection of Screw and You Streets.

We know, it seems too good to be true, but let’s face it, this is the United States, and in Ransom they follow a “don’t ask, don’t tell” philosophy. If it worked so well for the military it should be just fine for you worshippers of the tax loophole.

BEANS CORNER BINGO, MAINE

The whole banking system stinks so we thought Beans Corner Bingo would be the perfect spot for you. Start your day off at the Flatulence Café but make sure you keep a tight grip on your cheeks. Pucker up like you do when a single parent of three asks for refinancing. The co-mayors of this town are Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, as lovely a couple as you are liable to meet. They also own the Offshore Account Saloon, a favorite watering hole for you banker types.

Slide on up to their bar and have a couple Stock Option Beefeaters on the house. There is no such thing as a drinking limit for you three-piece suits, so drink with reckless abandon.

EMBARRASS, MINNESOTA

You are going to love staying at the Tax Dodge Hotel in beautiful Embarrass, Minnesota. The regular folk aren’t allowed to stay at this state-of-the-art hotel; just you special characters can sit your fat rumps down in these plush digs.

Limos are available upon request and will be chauffeured by the poor slobs you walked over on the way to the top. This is Darwinism at its best and you won’t be disappointed.

FIDELITY, MISSOURI

The town of Fidelity only has one thing going for it and that’s beautiful Fidelity Lake. Rent a rowboat from Federal Reserve Charters and row out in the lake. Warning: about the time you get to the middle of the lake your boat will spring a leak. Don’t worry! There are guys from the FRS who will bail you out for a cool million.

CRUM, WEST VIRGINIA

A vacation for any banker would not be complete without visiting Crum. Every night at eight the citizens roam the city park. For a few bucks you can buy them some feed and toss some crumbs at them. It really is hilarious watching them fight for that food. I swear they would sell their souls for a taste of what you have to give them.

THAT’S IT FOR NOW

There are so many other great spots where you bankers could sit and enjoy life like fat cats in a field of catnip, but that’s it for now. In our next installment we will highlight some great spots to visit if you happen to be a mortician.

Until then, remember that bankers are your friends. In a world where it seems that every man is for himself, bankers stand alone as beacons of the way it used to be….small town values if you will….people who live by the old saying, “when the going gets tough, the tough grab their belongings and head for Bolivia.

2012 William D. Holland (aka billybuc)

For more great vacation ideas, see the following:

http://billybuc.hubpages.com/hub/Summer-Vacation-Destinations-For-Proctologists

http://billybuc.hubpages.com/hub/Summer-Vacation-Destinations-For-IRS-Agents

http://billybuc.hubpages.com/hub/Summer-Vacation-Destinations-For-Lawyers

To purchase any of my books on Kindle, go to my author site at:

http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=ntt_athr_dp_sr_1?_encoding=UTF8&search-alias=digital-text&field-author=William%20D.%20Holland

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    • Lord De Cross profile image

      Joseph De Cross 4 years ago

      Wow Billy! Lol! I was going to add a mathematical function to my next math installment and I came out with F(u)= BNKS, now the intials (variables) can't be published IN HERE, because the bankers would find out how I reinvest my 401k on my irascible IRA. Witty, funny and goes perfect with my tax deductible grown tomatoes. Great hub and...I think I will switch my bank account tomorrow... you never know when 'Mark Zuck' is going to delve into our accounts via FB. The poor kid lost 480 millions in one day. Yikes!

    • tillsontitan profile image

      Mary Craig 4 years ago from New York

      Head for Bolivia?? Hmm, I wonder how many bankers have. You constantly outdo yourself. I think, due to current circumstances, bankers are less popular than the IRS...is that possible? You've picked some fine vacation spots for them along with some great entertainment...dinner at the Delinquent Steak, gondola through the House of Horrors which resembles a bank, the Road Kill Diner.... well done my friend...or is that the steak at Delinquent?

      Voted this up, funny, awesome, and interesting.

    • TravelAbout profile image

      Katheryn 4 years ago from United States

      Billy...I'm still laughing MAO. I thank you from the bottom of my heart that you so thoughtfully suggested where our banker buddies can take their vacations! I, personally, think Hell will be their ultimate vacation destination. You are just too darn good. As always I loved it. I also love your serious hubs too! One of your loyal fans!

    • Jeannieinabottle profile image

      Jeannie InABottle 4 years ago from Baltimore, MD

      I am sure all of the bankers of the world will enjoy this hub. It sounds like you have such a love for bankers, so I am sure they feel that each time one checks out your hub. :-) Voted up and shared!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Joseph, my heart goes out to the Zuck kid; it must be hard getting by on the paltry remainder of his vast fortune. Maybe he could grow a garden to cut back on food expenses. No, probably not!

      Thanks buddy; always nice to see you drop by.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Mary, I'm glad I provided a chuckle or two for you this morning. There were probably some bankers investing in those WWII movies you wrote about....see the good they do for all of us! LOL Thank you Mary!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Travel, thank you so much! I just have a passion for writing; sometimes serious, sometimes completely goofy...but I do love writing. I also love comments and I appreciate you very much.

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Jeannie, thanks for the share! I can't match you for humor but I'm trying to make it to the second tier of comedy right below yours. :)

    • josh3418 profile image

      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Bill,

      Awesome hub yet again, am enjoying this series! I loved your take on Ransom, Kansas with the screw and you streets and Fidelity, Misssouri with the FRS bailing you out! I cracked up here! This series is epic and stinking hilarious! Have a great day Uncle Bill!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thanks Josh; I have great fun writing them. Enjoy your Sunday Nephew!

    • Janine Huldie profile image

      Janine Huldie 4 years ago from New York, New York

      Bill, I too am thoroughly enjoying this series and loved your take on where Bankers should go on vacation. Seriously, loved Beans Corner the absolute best and was trying to picture them puckering up as you so eloquently put it. Another great installment here, have again voted and shared too!!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thanks Janine! It means a lot to me that you take time out to read my nonsense. Have a great Sunday!

    • Curiad profile image

      Mark G Weller 4 years ago from Lake Charles, LA.

      Ha Ha Bill, too funny. I am waiting for the "vacations for CIA Agents."

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      LOL....Mark, I hadn't thought of that one; I'll add it to my list! Thanks buddy!

    • rcrumple profile image

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      You captured the heart and soul of banking! Last time I went to a bank I decided I'd get something for nothing, so I took a pen. Damn chain caught and nearly ripped by shirt pocket clean off!

      Great Job, MyFriend!

    • mary615 profile image

      Mary Hyatt 4 years ago from Florida

      This has to be a classic! You know how we all just love bankers, right??? You included one of my favorite movies of all times, too. Thanks. I think another good place for bankers would be Siberia.

      I voted this UP, and will share. Mary615

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      LOL....you crack me up my friend. I hate it when they chain that stuff down. It's like they don't trust us or something and I can't imagine why that would be. Thank you!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Mary, why didn't I think of Siberia? Great suggestion! LOL Thank you so much and I appreciate the share.

    • Sunshine625 profile image

      Linda Bilyeu 4 years ago from Orlando, FL

      National Lampoons is a great choice for a video!!! I LOL'ed at Tin Cup, Ransom, Crum and Fidelity! Great selections!!

      I have two for you! Celebration and Homestead in Florida! Bankers celebrate when they take away your homestead.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      LOL....great one Linda! There were so many to choose from. Maybe I'll have to do a follow-up for this group of hard-working citizens. Thank you!

    • Sunshine625 profile image

      Linda Bilyeu 4 years ago from Orlando, FL

      Yay I'm glad you like them! It's only fair to give you some humor in return. Thanks for the fun! :)

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      My pleasure!

    • cclitgirl profile image

      Cynthia Calhoun 4 years ago from Western NC

      Fannie Mae and Freddy Mac...teehee. Yeah, sweet couple! Oh boy. Hehe, I'm really liking this series. I find out about all sorts of towns I didn't know about, and I hear about all sorts of interesting places to hang out. :D Thought, I admit, I didn't know you were making up the names. Flatulence Cafe CAN'T be real, can it? Hahaha.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Cyndi, the towns are real....everything else is a bunch of baloney out of my brain. LOL Thanks Sis!

    • farmloft profile image

      farmloft 4 years ago from Michigan

      I like Peanut and Crum! I will do my best to remember that bankers are my friends...

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      farmloft, good luck with remembering that! LOL Thank you!

    • Nell Rose profile image

      Nell Rose 4 years ago from England

      Sarcasm billy? haha! seriously this was so funny! I could think of a few places to put the bankers too! but I don't think I would get away with it on here! loved the bit about the cars! so true! thanks for the laugh! lol!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Nell, I would never stoop to sarcasm! LOL Okay, yes I would! I'm so glad you enjoyed this; I really do have great fun writing them.

    • donnah75 profile image

      Donna Hilbrandt 4 years ago from Upstate New York

      The bankers are likely the only ones who can afford a vacation these days, so it is good that they have your hub as a go to resource of ideas. Fun. :-) Voted up.

    • Patty Kenyon profile image

      Patty Kenyon 4 years ago from Ledyard, Connecticut

      ROFL, I loved this one!!!! With these installments, I often wonder what was going through the heads of those that named the towns!! LOL

      THANK-YOU soooo Much for the laugh, I really needed it today!!! ROFL

      Voted UP, Funny, Awesome, and Shared!!! :D

    • Faith Reaper profile image

      Faith Reaper 4 years ago from southern USA

      HA HA HA, billybuc, good for you! You tell them - oh, you DID. It is very clever how you chose the destinations. All of America will agree with you on this one - except the bankers of course. HA Voted Way Up In His Love, Faith Reaper

    • midget38 profile image

      Michelle Liew 4 years ago from Singapore

      LOL! This is great, Bill. Bankers in Sing should see this too! (Especially the Peanut. Sounds like an ideal destination for them.) Well done, with peals of laughter as usual!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Donna, your statement is frighteningly close to the truth. Thank you!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Patty, it was my pleasure. I love seeing your reaction to these silly hubs. Your laugh makes me laugh. Thank you my friend.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Faith, thank you! I'm so glad you enjoyed it; I have loads of fun writing these.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Michelle, thank you so much! I don't know any bankers so I feel pretty safe writing this. I don't think I'll lose any friends. :)

    • CarlySullens profile image

      CarlySullens 4 years ago from St. Louis, Missouri

      Bill, you are a versatile writer. Your expansion of subjects never leave me board and hope you would write something else. You are not a one note writer, and for that I am in awe of your orchestration of hubs. This week you had me, crying, pondering, and now laughing.

      You are becoming my favorite ride here at Hub pages. Always an enjoyment reading your work.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Carly, I hope you know how I feel about you. If not, maybe you will after you read my comment on your hub today. Thank you my new, dear friend. I feel like I've known you a very long time and it only gets better with time.

    • Pamela99 profile image

      Pamela Oglesby 4 years ago from United States

      Great choices for bankers! This is hysterical and I'm still laughing. The National Lampoons Vacation is a great choice since it is so funny also. It is really enjoyable to read your vocational suitable travel destination hubs. I guess that sentence makes sense. Oh well, very funny.

    • RealHousewife profile image

      Kelly Umphenour 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

      Bill I don't even know where Fidelity, MO is! lol

      I did get kick out of this though...every time I go to the bank I have to sit and wait while some young guy sits at his desk looking real busy. I understand he has things to do but for goodness sakes - I am a person waiting there - the paper work should be set aside for a real woman with a life to live don't ya think? lol

      So yeah I think I will print this and take it with me next time I go - won't be long they always manage to mess something up. I transfer money from one account to the other (in the same bank) for tax purposes and they put a hold on that? Yes...all the time!! lol

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thanks Pamela....I couldn't decide what video to put on it and then realized National Lampoon was the perfect fit. So glad you liked it.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Kelly, I get paid by customers by direct deposit and it takes three days to clear.....how can that be? It's one computer talking to another with updated figures regarding balances....why does it take three days to give me money they have already electronically received? They deserve this hub!!!!

    • Happyboomernurse profile image

      Gail Sobotkin 4 years ago from South Carolina

      You had me cracking up with this one and then I started all over again when I watched the National Lampoon Vacation clip at the end of it.

      Voting this up, funny, awesome and interesting.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Gail, I'm glad! We all need a good belly laugh! Thank you my friend!

    • Deborah Brooks profile image

      Deborah Brooks Langford 4 years ago from Brownsville,TX

      I think they should go to EMBARRASS, MINNESOTA... ...lol... serves them right.. You are the best at this

      debbie

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thank you Debbie; it helps to have a warped sense of humor. LOL

      I appreciate you greatly.

      bill

    • Amy Becherer profile image

      Amy Becherer 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

      No doubt in your great sense of humor, Bill, but I am so outraged by the mayhem inflicted on so many by the bankers of this nation, I just can't laugh. I'm stubborn, Bill, as you can tell, the bankers have earned their vacation straight up in hell. Knowing your big heart, I especially enjoy the bite in this series and I get a vicarious thrill in the reading!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Amy, some of the biggest crooks in the nation are being honored in this hub! I had no trouble being sarcastic with this one; I am not fond of the banking industry at all.

      Thank you dear; remember to call if you need to talk to a friend voice in Washington.

    • Just Ask Susan profile image

      Susan Zutautas 4 years ago from Ontario, Canada

      I love all the hubs you've written in this series. Laughed all the way through this one too.

      Congrats on your well deserved Hubbie awards!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Susan, thank you very much! I'm glad you enjoy this series and I appreciate your support so much!

    • Movie Master profile image

      Movie Master 4 years ago from United Kingdom

      What great locations for bankers - so funny!! and very clever, loved this and voted up!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thanks Movie! As you can tell, bankers are near and dear to my heart. LOL

    • teaches12345 profile image

      Dianna Mendez 4 years ago

      Great fun reading this article, Bill. What a hoot!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thank you Dianna! I haven't heard much from you lately...I wonder if I missed one of your hubs...checking now.

    • RedElf profile image

      RedElf 4 years ago from Canada

      I came for a laugh, and you certainly delivered! Wonderful hub - thanks again for the laughs. I particularly love the photos of Many Farms and Carefree! :D:D:D Up, shared, pinned and awesome!

    • profile image

      danielabram 4 years ago

      Your hub makes me want to be a banker! :-)

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      RedElf, I laughed myself when I saw the picture of Many Farms...I was squinting and the picture. I thought I was going blind. LOL Thank you my friend for the share!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Daniel, work hard enough and one day it all can be yours. LOL Thank you for the visit!

    • Miswa profile image

      Miswa 4 years ago from Cebu, Philippines

      I guess I have to get in line after danielabram ... LOL!

      Here's one funny thought I have about banks (Philippines)...it's a great circle of life: Dictator grabbed money from bank and deposited in international banks...decades after he died, international bank returned money to Philippine bank...Philippine bank is owned by dictator crony...money goes back to dictator's wife. WOW!

      that's just my 1 peso thought.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Miswa....LOL...you have a great sense of humor! I have often wondered what the people of the Philippines thought of that dictator....he was one for the record books, that's for sure. Thank you my new friend!

    • rahul0324 profile image

      Jessee R 4 years ago from Gurgaon, India

      Exceedingly funny Sir Bill... the bankers would surely come to terms with their true colors here... hehe

      Great hub

    • sgbrown profile image

      Sheila Brown 4 years ago from Southern Oklahoma

      Once again you have been laughing outload first thing of a morning! My coffee and I salute you! I don't know how you keep coming up with this stuff but it is hilarious! Voted up and funny! Have a wonderful day!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Rahul, thank you! I had great fun writing this one.

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Sgbrown, thank you my friend; this is the weird side of my brain and I don't let it out often. :)

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