ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

imatellmuva's Conventional and Not-So-Conventional Rules for Daily Living

Updated on December 29, 2015

I like to think of rules as a cross between good and evil. It’s good to follow them, but if you don’t, you have to bear the consequences. In some cases it's not bad; in other cases, it can prove detrimental! Rules are guidelines; they give you something to go by. Rules help you to stay the course. You have to know if or how far you can step outside the boundary of the rule.

I’ve created a modified list of Conventional and Not-So-Conventional Rules for Daily Living that I strongly urge you to consider. These rules will in some way help to ease daily living, simplify what proves to be tiresome and challenging, and possibly improve your quality of life.

It is not imatellmuva’s position to offend, but to educate…no matter who you are…let us begin!

imatellmuva
imatellmuva
SOMMAI
SOMMAI | Source


1. Don’t expect a fresh meal the day after spaghetti is made…or the day after for that matter! It is an unwritten rule that once a large pot of spaghetti is made, that’s what the crap you’ll be eating for days to come…PERIOD!

2. Scrimp is defined as being thrifty, frugal...economical. Scrimp IS NOT seafood!!! A SHRIMP is a crustacean, it is what you enjoy steamed, fried, grilled, etc. Learn the difference between the two, so that I, and others can stop cringing when we overhear you say, "Dem' scrimps was good!"

3. Check for paper before you rest your hind-parts on a toilet seat! The person nearby (if a public facility) may not spare a square, and the person at home might remember how you dogged them out the night before! Lesson - Look before you SEAT!

4. Do not become frustrated and attack the toilet paper roll when you can’t unseal the tightly bound starter sheet! The sheets you waste can be your saving grace when you’re in need of paper. Remember that!

5. Unwritten Social Media Rule – Type/Read/Delete! Try it! This will save you embarrassment and tons of explanations for your dumb crap posts! Remember, people who read your posts are not responsible for deciphering what you mean from what you say! AND absolutely NO DWP…Drinking While Posting! Got It?! Good!

scottchan
scottchan | Source

 

6. When taking your pet for a walk, take a bag or something to scoop up the poop! Dog crap on the bottom of your shoe is of course never good! Remember, this can happen to YOU too!

7. DO NOT under any circumstances lend advice (like in this hub) unless you have had the experience and the wisdom to back up what you claim! Yes I have stepped in dog crap! Onto #8!

8. Women; do not publicly eat anything with a cylindrical shape! This includes, but is not limited to Corn Dogs, Kosher Dill Pickles, and Bananas! You can thank me for this some other time!

9. Buy clothes that fit! This will cease the muffin top from sprouting over your waist line, and WILL in turn keep us from wanting to gouge our eyes out!

10. Know when to stand up, put up, or shut up. This has kept imatellmuva out of trouble…most times! I did not say that this list was absolute! Keep reading!

Stuart Miles
Stuart Miles | Source


11. DO NOT lie to your children! When my son was five, he actually asked what makes the sky blue. I told him some made up crap, and when he got older he started look’n at me side-eyed! I’m going tell him the truth…one of these days…onto #12!

12. DO NOT lie to a bill collector and tell them that the check is in the mail! These days, that crap clears your account quicker than a perm straightens your hair! Can you say…electronic processing?!

13. Speak in a regular tone when engaged in a cell phone call. The person on the other end of the call can hear you...we can too...and we don't want to!

14. Learn to run, jump, dance and more in spike heels! One day imatellmuva walked in on an armed robbery! She was able to put those spikes in gear, and haul booty up out of that place!

15. Learn how to have an intelligent and informed conversation with a counterpart that may be considered out of your league. One thing imatellmuva has learned is, that while experience is the best teacher, arming yourself with need to know information can be as fruitful as the experience that you don’t have.

Rawich
Rawich | Source


16. Connect with a senior! You are never too old to have someone who you can turn to and look up to for advice, and wisdom. While tertiary education is certainly a commodity and a privilege for many, it is exceptional when coupled with home spun wisdom! Anyone who knows imatellmuva well; knows how she loves her seniors!!

17. If you are a child; DO NOT play Chicken! Chicken is an insane game where children dart into the street as an oncoming vehicle approaches! While we are aware that rec centers and community centers have closed in your neighborhood; WE motorists, beg of you to take up a passive activity! The life YOU save might be your own!

18. Do not put all of your eggs in one basket! The current economic climate could mean that you’re down to one freak’n basket! If you put your eggs in that one basket, not only are they liable to break, but they have the potential to damage other goods that are in that same basket! If this does not make sense to you…please refer to rule #5!

19. When you create a hub with a list of rules, be sure to fill the entire list with usable information! Don’t start making crap up by the time you get to rule #19! Onto #20!

20. Whew…I’m almost at rule #21!

21. **BONUS** Be true to yourself, and especially to your audience. While this list is compiled with what I think is resourceful information; you may think otherwise, and that’s okay. Rule #19, #20, and all the others is truly in imatellmuva fashion.There is somebody, or a heap of somebody’s who think like I; so, this list of rules is for them…and you too, if ever you should become one of them…whoever they are!

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • imatellmuva profile imageAUTHOR

      imatellmuva 

      5 years ago from Somewhere in Baltimore

      Right...I understand that...and still I want them to...need them to turn it down. We don't have to hear what we say...we only need to know that the other party hears us.

    • profile image

      Kelvin 

      5 years ago

      About #13 ...

      On a regular phone, you can hear your voice through the handset. On a cellphone, you can't. So that's why people talk louder, because they're not assured the phone is working in the same way they would on a regular phone.

    • imatellmuva profile imageAUTHOR

      imatellmuva 

      6 years ago from Somewhere in Baltimore

      I never knew Jimmy's was under new management. The steak and egg platter didn't change...I'm good!!

      I do remember the round table...I think it's still there. It should really be MY table now!!

    • Dolores Monet profile image

      Dolores Monet 

      6 years ago from East Coast, United States

      Oh I love Jimmy's though it's lost some of the ambiance since the new people took over. I remember they used to have a large round table in back reserved for Mayor Shaefer (though I guess that would now be pointless).

    • imatellmuva profile imageAUTHOR

      imatellmuva 

      6 years ago from Somewhere in Baltimore

      Hey "D"..what's shaking home girl?!

      Yes, kids play that dumb crap game...makes me nervous! It's actually been around since I was a child...not the kind of game that should carry to the next generation!

      Ah...Jimmy's, yes indeed...yes indeed, I am at Jimmy's!!! One of these days, I'll try something different. I've been stuck on the 10 oz. steak and eggs breakfast for years!!

    • Dolores Monet profile image

      Dolores Monet 

      6 years ago from East Coast, United States

      Well hello Ima! I enjoyed your rules! Do kids really play chicken like that - how awful! Anyway, in that picture of you up there, are you eating at Jimmy's in Fell's Point?

    • imatellmuva profile imageAUTHOR

      imatellmuva 

      6 years ago from Somewhere in Baltimore

      Actually my wit and wisdom was gleaned from my GrandMuva. She was a remarkable lady to me who was full of the same. It is because of her that I'm CRAZY!!

      Rule #20 may or may not have had something to do with rule #5...the Muva (I'm called Muva for short) was enyoying a cocktail as she was writing!

    • SilentReed profile image

      SilentReed 

      6 years ago from Philippines

      I like your lighthearted way of writing. Your sense of humor peeking behind a serious mien. A Tom Sawyer sitting on a barrel kind of homespun advice. Very entertaining. I suspect some of these were glean from wise advice of your "Muva" :) BTW, what happen to #20? :)

    • imatellmuva profile imageAUTHOR

      imatellmuva 

      6 years ago from Somewhere in Baltimore

      Thanks Amarie 1, It gets better with time...at least I think so...I hope so!

    • profile image

      Amarie 1 

      6 years ago

      Funny stuff cousin o' mine. 'Eep up the funny work.

    • imatellmuva profile imageAUTHOR

      imatellmuva 

      6 years ago from Somewhere in Baltimore

      Thanks drbj! When I started on HubPages, my humor would wind it's way into everything I wrote (except one hub). I do enjoy it, and I am grateful that you do as well...I truly am!

    • drbj profile image

      drbj and sherry 

      6 years ago from south Florida

      You are as crazy as a Foxx, Ima. Loved your rules. I would add one more which helps me to survive: Make humor a permanent part of your life. He or she who laughs ... lasts! Trust me.

    • imatellmuva profile imageAUTHOR

      imatellmuva 

      6 years ago from Somewhere in Baltimore

      Thanks Baby Girl...you didn't know you're Muva was C-R-A-Z-Y!!!

    • profile image

      DropaJewel 

      6 years ago

      Great post Mom!

    • imatellmuva profile imageAUTHOR

      imatellmuva 

      6 years ago from Somewhere in Baltimore

      Oh MY Last Born...I never thought of that...but you do what you have to...right?!

      I WILL tell you that I've been that person on the other-side of the bathroom door...the side where all the tp is! I didn't hand over a roll and that person sat there for what seemed like hours....and then I remembered my GOOD towels were in the bathroom!!!

    • profile image

      The Last Born Child 

      6 years ago

      #3.... The most important rule of all. You don't wanna end up havin to use your sock for toilet paper. (That's rule #22)

    • imatellmuva profile imageAUTHOR

      imatellmuva 

      6 years ago from Somewhere in Baltimore

      Thanks "K"! You know me well enough to know that I bring out the crazy in almost all that I do!

      It is an unfortunate fact that the crazy I experience is oh so, ever so true!!

      Thank you for the share...you're AWESOME!!!

    • profile image

      KALIFAH 

      6 years ago

      BRAVA!!! You are the voice in my head (when the 5-yr old is asleep). This is awesome, informative and humorous. You know I am going to pass this along...I know quite a few folks who can use quite a few of these rules.

      Love your Spirit - ? ?

    • imatellmuva profile imageAUTHOR

      imatellmuva 

      6 years ago from Somewhere in Baltimore

      Cyndi10, I thank you for your kind words! If ever you were a fly on the wall watching my life, you would say a lil' fly prayer..."Lawd, PLEASE help that chile'!"

    • Cyndi10 profile image

      Cynthia B Turner 

      6 years ago from Georgia

      This is priceless! What a list. I could have written it, but, alas, I wasn't clever enough. LOL. I enjoyed this thoroughly. Vote up and funny, very funny!

    • imatellmuva profile imageAUTHOR

      imatellmuva 

      6 years ago from Somewhere in Baltimore

      Rochelle Frank, I do understand. I remember when my Grandmother was 99, it delighted her to say that she was the youngest of those in her circle...there was only one other! Not suggesting that you are anywhere near that age...I'm just using that as an example...I'm gonna shut-up!

      Thank You for being mindful of the use of the word scrimp, verses shrimp...imatellmuva can only take but so much!!

      FUNNY...scrimp shrampi!!! How original!!

    • Rochelle Frank profile image

      Rochelle Frank 

      6 years ago from California Gold Country

      Great rules-- except the one about connecting with senior. I know very few people who are older than me, but I will try to remember to not to ever order scrimp shrampi.

    • imatellmuva profile imageAUTHOR

      imatellmuva 

      6 years ago from Somewhere in Baltimore

      @justateacher..I've been gone for a minute, but the wheels are always turning! I did say I was unconventional!! Thank you for your comment!!

      @Aunt Darlene, I almost always want to correct people no matter who they are, or where I am! While I recognize that what is considered standard english is not embraced by some folk, it is like a rule...something to go by!

      Jon Hockins, Rite-Aids, and Giants (Supermarket) are also pet-peeves! Thank you for leaving a comment, and as always thank you for supporting a Muva!!

      @DeborahNeyens, My life is almost always LOL! It is only fitting to incorporate the same into my writing...besides, I can't help it! Thank You for the comment!

    • DeborahNeyens profile image

      Deborah Neyens 

      6 years ago from Iowa

      Great advice! Plus you made me laugh out loud several times. Thanks.

    • profile image

      AuntDarlene 

      6 years ago

      Screaming and hollering laughing. And might I add the name of the distinguished hospital is JohnS HopkinS not Jon Hockins. Thank you, an auntie is proud of your writing.

    • justateacher profile image

      LaDena Campbell 

      6 years ago from Somewhere Over The Rainbow - Near Oz...

      Love this list! Might have to post it on the fridge!

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)