imatellmuva's Conventional and Not-So-Conventional Rules for Daily Living
I like to think of rules as a cross between good and evil. It’s good to follow them, but if you don’t, you have to bear the consequences. In some cases it's not bad; in other cases, it can prove detrimental! Rules are guidelines; they give you something to go by. Rules help you to stay the course. You have to know if or how far you can step outside the boundary of the rule.
I’ve created a modified list of Conventional and Not-So-Conventional Rules for Daily Living that I strongly urge you to consider. These rules will in some way help to ease daily living, simplify what proves to be tiresome and challenging, and possibly improve your quality of life.
It is not imatellmuva’s position to offend, but to educate…no matter who you are…let us begin!
1. Don’t expect a fresh meal the day after spaghetti is made…or the day after for that matter! It is an unwritten rule that once a large pot of spaghetti is made, that’s what the crap you’ll be eating for days to come…PERIOD!
2. Scrimp is defined as being thrifty, frugal...economical. Scrimp IS NOT seafood!!! A SHRIMP is a crustacean, it is what you enjoy steamed, fried, grilled, etc. Learn the difference between the two, so that I, and others can stop cringing when we overhear you say, "Dem' scrimps was good!"
3. Check for paper before you rest your hind-parts on a toilet seat! The person nearby (if a public facility) may not spare a square, and the person at home might remember how you dogged them out the night before! Lesson - Look before you SEAT!
4. Do not become frustrated and attack the toilet paper roll when you can’t unseal the tightly bound starter sheet! The sheets you waste can be your saving grace when you’re in need of paper. Remember that!
5. Unwritten Social Media Rule – Type/Read/Delete! Try it! This will save you embarrassment and tons of explanations for your dumb crap posts! Remember, people who read your posts are not responsible for deciphering what you mean from what you say! AND absolutely NO DWP…Drinking While Posting! Got It?! Good!
6. When taking your pet for a walk, take a bag or something to scoop up the poop! Dog crap on the bottom of your shoe is of course never good! Remember, this can happen to YOU too!
7. DO NOT under any circumstances lend advice (like in this hub) unless you have had the experience and the wisdom to back up what you claim! Yes I have stepped in dog crap! Onto #8!
8. Women; do not publicly eat anything with a cylindrical shape! This includes, but is not limited to Corn Dogs, Kosher Dill Pickles, and Bananas! You can thank me for this some other time!
9. Buy clothes that fit! This will cease the muffin top from sprouting over your waist line, and WILL in turn keep us from wanting to gouge our eyes out!
10. Know when to stand up, put up, or shut up. This has kept imatellmuva out of trouble…most times! I did not say that this list was absolute! Keep reading!
11. DO NOT lie to your children! When my son was five, he actually asked what makes the sky blue. I told him some made up crap, and when he got older he started look’n at me side-eyed! I’m going tell him the truth…one of these days…onto #12!
12. DO NOT lie to a bill collector and tell them that the check is in the mail! These days, that crap clears your account quicker than a perm straightens your hair! Can you say…electronic processing?!
13. Speak in a regular tone when engaged in a cell phone call. The person on the other end of the call can hear you...we can too...and we don't want to!
14. Learn to run, jump, dance and more in spike heels! One day imatellmuva walked in on an armed robbery! She was able to put those spikes in gear, and haul booty up out of that place!
15. Learn how to have an intelligent and informed conversation with a counterpart that may be considered out of your league. One thing imatellmuva has learned is, that while experience is the best teacher, arming yourself with need to know information can be as fruitful as the experience that you don’t have.
16. Connect with a senior! You are never too old to have someone who you can turn to and look up to for advice, and wisdom. While tertiary education is certainly a commodity and a privilege for many, it is exceptional when coupled with home spun wisdom! Anyone who knows imatellmuva well; knows how she loves her seniors!!
17. If you are a child; DO NOT play Chicken! Chicken is an insane game where children dart into the street as an oncoming vehicle approaches! While we are aware that rec centers and community centers have closed in your neighborhood; WE motorists, beg of you to take up a passive activity! The life YOU save might be your own!
18. Do not put all of your eggs in one basket! The current economic climate could mean that you’re down to one freak’n basket! If you put your eggs in that one basket, not only are they liable to break, but they have the potential to damage other goods that are in that same basket! If this does not make sense to you…please refer to rule #5!
19. When you create a hub with a list of rules, be sure to fill the entire list with usable information! Don’t start making crap up by the time you get to rule #19! Onto #20!
20. Whew…I’m almost at rule #21!
21. **BONUS** Be true to yourself, and especially to your audience. While this list is compiled with what I think is resourceful information; you may think otherwise, and that’s okay. Rule #19, #20, and all the others is truly in imatellmuva fashion.There is somebody, or a heap of somebody’s who think like I; so, this list of rules is for them…and you too, if ever you should become one of them…whoever they are!
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