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Co-Parenting: When Parents Disagree On How To Raise a Child Tips On Conflict Resolutions For Spouses

Updated on April 8, 2012

The Wonderful Gift of New Life!


When Opposites Attract...

Many times when people fall in love they find that their significant other is quite opposite of them and this makes the relationship balanced and interesting.

Let's say that "Jen" and "Joe" met in college, dated for several years and then decided to tie the knot and get married.

After several years of building up their wealth, going on vacations and having the time of their life together, Jen announces that she is pregnant.

The tears of joy flow like a wild river and the couple can't wait to tell everyone they know their good news!

As the next 9 months go by, Jen realizes that while talking to Joe, they have very different styles of parenting as they grew up in totally different homes as children themselves.

Jen's water breaks and before they know it, Mr. and Mrs. Joe are the proud parents of a new baby!

After a few days of testing and observation they go home and settle the baby, the new life they created, and then that's when things start to change in what was once a great marriage...

We All Love Our Children but Sometimes We Don't Agree on How To Raise Them!


Parents Are the Pillars of a Stable Home Life!

The Author's Parents
The Author's Parents | Source
The Author and His Beautiful Wife!
The Author and His Beautiful Wife! | Source

Useful Tips for Successful Parenting When Parents Don't Agree!

You can not force someone to agree with you and the harder you try, the more stressful the situation becomes. As humans in general, different opinions make life interesting and less monotonous.

It is great to have different opinions but when it comes to parenting and raising a family, things can get ugly! So are there ways to compromise? Let's Look at some ideas for when you can't agree on something and how to solve conflicts:

  • Open Communication is the most important aspect of successful parenting. Communicating with your significant other as well as your children can help ease disagreements and makes the family home environment safe and stable. Always keep your communication positive and respectful.
  • Respecting Your Spouse and Children is important during an argument or disagreement. Respect your spouse by not raising your voice and never swear at them or try to use "guilt trips". This adds stress to the relationship and pushes you further from conflict resolution. You can respect your children by not arguing in front of them and never blame them for your parental arguments.
  • Write Down a Plan when you don't agree with a specific parenting methods. Make 2 columns and title them "Good" and "Bad" aspects of each other's point of view. Sometimes seeing it in writing rather than hearing it can make someone realize that there are alternatives to their original point of view.
  • Polling Friends and Family can be helpful as long as it doesn't create separate "teams". If you have friends and family that will give you a non-biased answer, seek out whatever advice they may have for coming to a conclusion.
  • Search Parenting Resources has become quite easy over the last decade. There are many popular books written on parenting and there is no shortage of articles that discuss parenting issues on the Internet. Don't be embarrassed when looking for parenting materials! No one get's a life handbook when we are born and some of us grew up with "bad" parents or no parents at all. We make our own decisions in life and when we do research, we tend to make better decisions!
  • Seek Professional Help. Seeing a family therapist is a great way to learn how to work together to compromise and learn new ways to be a better parent. Seeking the advice from a registered councilor that is trained in family mediation can be rewarding. These types of professionals take a non-biased point of view and often can offer useful tips that can help you and your spouse.

These are just a few ideas and basics for coming together when making parenting decisions. Respect goes a long way during conflict resolution and couples should avoid yelling, getting physical and arguing in front of their children. If your situation gets bad you should consider going for professional help. Never allow your children or yourself to be in a relationship where you are afraid and don't feel safe. Someday your children may become parents. Take the opportunity to teach them how to be a good parent by being one yourself!

How Often Do You and Your Spouse Agree on Parenting Decisions?

Are You Opposites or On the Same Page?

See results

Spend Time With Your Kids!


More Articles on Effective Parenting Methods That Work

The following articles address different issues that parents and children deal with at different stages in their life. Look for some ways that can help your family maintain stability and order by setting up a strong foundation.

The Best Reward Is Watching Them Grow Up!

Parenting Can Be A Challenge! Try to have fun once in a while!
Parenting Can Be A Challenge! Try to have fun once in a while! | Source
Get some fresh air in the great outdoors! Parents that do fun things like camping with their children experience better and more open relationships with their kids.
Get some fresh air in the great outdoors! Parents that do fun things like camping with their children experience better and more open relationships with their kids. | Source
How much time do your kids spend Online, on Facebook, and on Gaming Consoles like X-Box360?
How much time do your kids spend Online, on Facebook, and on Gaming Consoles like X-Box360? | Source

Grab a Book and Head to the Beach!


Dr. Seuss: Most Famous Children's Book Writer


Where Can We Play?




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    • J.S.Matthew profile imageAUTHOR

      JS Matthew 

      7 years ago from Massachusetts, USA

      @rajan jolly: Hello Rajan! Always nice to see you! You add some very important points here. Every decision made should be in the best interest of the child. Thanks for all the votes and shares! I always appreciate your comments!


    • rajan jolly profile image

      Rajan Singh Jolly 

      7 years ago from From Mumbai, presently in Jalandhar,INDIA.

      J.S.- these are some excellent tips to follow. But it is very important to understand that whatever decisions are taken the welfare of the child is of prime importance. Adjustments and understanding in a marriage are crucial.

      Loved the great pictures that add to the beauty of the hub.

      Voted up and all across.

      Shared too all over.

    • J.S.Matthew profile imageAUTHOR

      JS Matthew 

      7 years ago from Massachusetts, USA

      @algarveview: Hello! I appreciate all the votes and for the share! Yes, many times we realize later when we have children that we have different styles of parenting. I tend to be moderately strict but I always communicate with my kids what is expected of them and what the consequences are for not following the established rules. My wife is a bit laid back and we sometimes don't agree on how to deal with certain issues. We always find a way to compromise. After all, she did give birth to them! Thanks for an insightful comment!


    • J.S.Matthew profile imageAUTHOR

      JS Matthew 

      7 years ago from Massachusetts, USA

      @thumbi7: Hello there! Parenting is like being a child; life doesn't come with a handbook, we learn every day, we learn from our mistakes. Being a parent is quite an adventure! Thanks for commenting!


    • algarveview profile image

      Joana e Bruno 

      7 years ago from Algarve, Portugal

      Hi, J.S., great hub, I kmow just what you mean, me and my husband are opposites, but we had no idea of how much we were different untill the kids were born... We had to learn a lot, very fast... Voted up, interesting and sharing! Have a wonderful day!

    • thumbi7 profile image

      JR Krishna 

      7 years ago from India

      I find myself always learning something or the other with regard to parenting.

      Thanks for your wonderful tips on parenting

    • J.S.Matthew profile imageAUTHOR

      JS Matthew 

      7 years ago from Massachusetts, USA

      @megni: Thank you! I am glad this was useful!


    • J.S.Matthew profile imageAUTHOR

      JS Matthew 

      7 years ago from Massachusetts, USA

      @Ardie: That's great! My wife and I are pretty agreeable when it comes to parenting too. Although she tends to be more laid-back than I am, we meet in the middle most times. We try to express to each other why we feel something is important (or not) and usually we come to a peaceful conclusion.

      Discussing these issues away from the kids with a clear mind is the best approach. Children will blame themselves for anything that happens between their parents (like when kids think parents get divorced because of them, or when parents fight they think it is because of something that they have done to make the parents mad) so it is important to keep that boundary in place; that is one of the most difficult parenting rules to follow for many couples!

      I appreciate you sharing your experience as a parent and wife with us. I always appreciate your comments and support!


    • megni profile image


      7 years ago

      a good and much needed article.

    • Ardie profile image


      7 years ago from Neverland

      The husband and I pretty much agree on parenting our daughters. If we do come up against a disagreement we go to another part of the house and discuss our reasons for our different feelings and then we come up with an agreement. I hope this Hub helps many other parents who may find themselves raising their children differently.


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