Divorce and Step Parents
Books on Dealing with the ex's new spouse
Books on Insecurity
Keeping the peace within a family
Does your ex spouse have a new mate that you hate? Have you ever sat down and wondered why you dislike them so much? While there are some cases where the ex’s new mate is just not a good person, most of the time it really has to do with yourself. It is called insecurity. This person now has something that was once yours. You might have even been the one to break off the relationship but the sound of your ex’s new main squeeze just makes you hurl. A lot of the time when we see the other person happy, we wonder why or what the new person has or does that we do not have or do. You need to get over it and realize that your ex is not going to stay single forever.
I find that if you are open minded enough you would discover that there is probably nothing wrong with this person. You might even like them if the circumstances were different and you knew them from somewhere else. We as humans seem to be so possessive and territorial that we tend to forget that the other person is just looking for love, the same as we were looking for prior to the breakup. I am sure that the one before you doesn’t like you either. And you would argue that there was nothing wrong with you. You would say that they have no reason to dislike you.
Are There Children Involved?
To me none of this makes sense. Especially when there are children involved. Letting go of any insecurity is important and you should be able to have a decent relationship with your ex’s new mate. If you are splitting custody or if your children visit the other parent on a regular basis then having good communication and a good relationship with the person whom is going to be with your child on a regular basis is a good idea.
My ex has a new spouse and my child goes to visit her father every summer for the whole summer. I know that his new spouse is great with her. She treats her as if she were her own child. There is no drama between us and we even talk to discuss any problems or issues that we have concerning her. To me this is the best way to go. My child does not have to decide whether it is ok to like this woman. I never once talked bad about her and let her make her own choice. My daughter actually loves her. If we make the other person look like the bad guy, then we are making our children confused. Even if in their heart they like this person, they might not ever really bond with them in fear of thinking that they will betray you. That is not fair to the child. It is healthy for the child to have people around them who care for them and love them.
No Need to Be Best Friends
I am not saying that your ex's new spouse needs to be your best friend. You do not have to all get together for the holidays and sit as one big happy family, but being friendly and considerate will go a long way. Who knows, maybe you will find a new BFF? This other person may become a step parent to your child and being a step parent is special too. The person accepted your child out of love not because they created them.
Agree to Disagree
So suck it up and let it be. Agree to disagree on your differences. Hey this new person might even be doing you a favor by being with your ex. Less you have to deal with. (Laughs) Believe me; by doing this you are causing yourself and your family a lot less stress!