ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

An Empty Nest ~ Now What?

Updated on February 10, 2014
Source

After years of observation, I have come to the conclusion that there are many reasons why empty nester couples might have a hard time adjusting to life with each other after their children leave home. I have read that the divorce rate for couples who split soon after their children are gone is 16% higher than couples who break up during other phases of their lives.

One:  Having children early

One of the reasons I've noticed cause break ups in empty nesters is related to the amount of time they spent together before having children, whether dating or in marriage. Some couples begin their families after only knowing each other for days or weeks. No matter how much they "connect" in that short period of time, there is no way two people can fully learn about and appreciate another person's every-little-thing, including idiosyncrasies, habits, and temperament. If the time isn't invested up front, there may be a higher risk of falling out of love during the child rearing years. This may then cause the couple to feel like they no longer really know each other after their children leave.

Two: Ignoring the little things

Some couples either get so involved in the lives of their children or are such poor communicators that they don't talk about all the little things that come up along the way that may put a short strain on their marriage.  When two people are tired, it is easy to sweep issues under the rug and pretend they are not there.  Unfortunately, small issues add up and eventually become a conglomerate of larger issues.  One empty nesters are left at home and have to face each other on a daily basis with their children as a buffer, the larger issues crop up.  Since they were never resolved when they occurred, it could become overwhelming to the point where couples cannot deal with it.

Enjoy each other's company.
Enjoy each other's company. | Source

Three: Lack of memories

Many couples are extremely busy when they are raising their children.  If they have a large number of children who fall within a small range of ages, they are constantly on the run.  The children of today have very busy lives, learning to play instruments, participating in team sports, and doing their homework.  Their "ride" is their parents until they can drive, if they're even lucky enough to have their own car.  In the end, the parents dedicate their lives to carting their children around and supporting their children the best they can.  These are the couples you hearsay, "We haven't been on a date without the kids since before they were born."

When couples don't take time for themselves, they may end up finding that after their children leave home, they no longer have anything in common.  Even worse, they find they don't have any memories to even talk about that didn't involve their children.

Prevention Thoughts

How might couples prevent the uneasiness that might crop up soon after being empty nesters? A few things come to mind.

  • Build time into the spousal relationship before the youngest child leaves home. Spend some "alone" time getting to know each other again and making some memories that can be expanded upon during the empty nester phase.
  • Don't rush into marriage or having children. Get to know each other first. What does a bum day look like for your loved one?
  • Sprinkle in occasional "date nights" throughout the child-rearing years to keep the relationship romantic.  It gives couples a chance to continue to get to know each other.
  • Communicate, communicate, communicate.
  • Communicate some more.

How Empty Nesters Can Rekindle Passion

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No comments yet.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)