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Kids Say and Do The Craziest Stuff Part II

Updated on September 1, 2016
BeccaHubbardWoods profile image

I am a mother, a metal head, a goth girl, and lover of all darkness. I'm also a writer, a cake artist, and a general weirdo.

Kids Say the Craziest Sh*t part 1 was such a success and such a pleasure to write, I had to do a second one. As a matter of fact, I plan to do several more if I can get others to cooperate. I love kids and the silly things they say. I can be having the worst day in the world and one of my boys can say or do something to crack me up, and nothing is that bad anymore. I have to thank all the hubbers that contributed to this hub, because without you, it wouldn't exist. :)

Poppa's Penis

Contributed by Poppa Blues

Okay I have a funny one for ya. I was down at the community pool with my 5 year old nephew. He was at the far end talking with the young and pretty life guard and I was on the opposite end lounging in one of the lounge chair. It was hot that day and there were quite a few mothers with their children enjoying the pool at the time. Now my nephew JP has quite a loud and husky voice for his age, almost like an Irish tenor. So imagine my surprise when from the far end of the pool out of nowhere he decides to shout "Hey Poppa, do you have a penis?"

Well needless to say I was embarrassed. I mean how do you answer a question like that, especially from across the pool in a crowd? I just said, "Well, I used to, and then I got married."

The Blind Leading the Blind?

Contributed by Deborah Sexton

When my son was 8 years old he listened to Stevie Wonder and watched as he held his head up and moved it from side to side.
One night while watching TV, Ray Charles (also blind) and whom my son did not know, came on TV. My son watched him as he raised his head up and moved it from side to side. "Ah mom" he said "You know he saw Stevie Wonder do that"

Everyone Likes YOU!!!

Contributed by wordscribe41

I have lots, but this one is still sticking in my mind. For Mother's Day, my son made me a beautiful card. It had hearts all over it, a picture he drew of the two of us, and stickers galore. It said: "To my Mommy" on the outside. I was thinking, wow, how Hallmark looking for a 7 year old. I opened it up and it said: "Anyone who doesn't like you is an IDIOT!" Out of the mouths of babes. Not exactly a Hallmark moment, but the best card I've ever received.

Meet the Family

Contributed by Faybe Bay

I have so many favorites about my son. He was slow to learn to talk. He had no speech impediment, like I did, but would instead mix up letters. Like "I Yubs you mommy." as if he could not form ‘L’ sounds yet, but would color with a "Lellow" crayon. He loved computers, and would always hover when anyone was on a PC nearby. He was not allowed to touch and knew it. He called them Peters. (And Peter Pan Peanut Butter he called Pewter Pan?)

So, my daughter meets a boy on-line, they are old enough to date, but I want to meet him first. His name was Joe, (Sean called him Doe) We are in a buffet restaurant and it is so crowded. Joe has a laptop with him, which were not so common then. He brought it out to show us his new toy, and before anyone could stop him, Sean climbed up in Joe's lap, cuddled up to him and said "Doe, tan I pay witch yer PETER?" The whole dining room went quiet and everyone was staring at our table, they all knew what it sounded like he meant. (Joe can I play with your peter?) Joe turned an amazing color of red/purple I have never seen before, and I thought my sixteen year old daughter would kill her brother on the spot. As I stood and gave an ill received explanation to the entire dining room as whispers spread of what my son had said. I don't think they believed me, I am lucky I did not end up in jail.

Hilariously Disgusting!

Contributed by CrystalStarWoman

This story is a little gross... however...

This happened when my son (Tom) was about 3 years old.

One day, not long after eating our dinner, we were all sitting relaxing in the living room, except for Tom, who was running round and round the room.

Tom ran over to my husband, who leaned forward to give him a kiss and Tom promptly threw up! Some into my husband's mouth! (Yuk!) and the rest on the floor.

There was stunned silence for a few seconds and then Tom, looking slightly shocked and a little puzzled, said:

"My dinner fell out!"

When Kids Get Quiet...

Contributed by samboiam

This story happened when my two sons were about three and four years old. I was in the living room watching television when I heard laughing and giggles coming from my bedroom. I knew by the sound of their enjoyment it probably wasn’t going to be good.

I went into the bedroom and to my surprise I found my children, the bed, floor, dresser and ceiling covered with baby powder.

"What are you doing?" I shouted. My four year old looked at me and said excitedly," Daddy its ok. I have already spanked us for this." Needless to say I fell out with laughter.

A Tooth Situation

Contributed by Sa Toya

Just this morning my little brother, who s 8, made me crack up. It may be one of these funny moments that you have to be there for... but I'll share nonetheless.

He was convinced that he had a couple of teeth growing out of one.

"Oh my gosh, my tooth's bruised!"

"Are you sure?" I said.

"Yes. It’s because there's more growing out of it." he said tilting his head to the side, he was a little sad.

"Sounds like you've got riders" my sister said. The term we use for teeth growing out of teeth.

"Let me see" I was thinking impromptu dentist trip.

"It's all bumpy, not like the ones in front." he was adamant about his condition.

I laughed hard when he opened his mouth and pointed to the tooth. It was a molar; you know the big teeth at the back.

"There is not a tooth growing out of your’s just one big tooth"

"What...why so big? I’m only little I don't need teeth that big...these ones in front are little and smooth! Are you sure?"

"Yes, it's a big tooth"

"Alright then... I thought I was in trouble there, all this teeth and dentist business"

"You know granny and granddad put theirs in a cup at night time...why don't I have that, then I could just pop them in and out...."

He carries mumbling about it softly to himself, while the rest of us crack up at the fact that he thought his molar was 3 teeth growing out of one.

Don't Eat Mom's Chocolate Chips!

Contributed by Granny's House

One day I was babysitting my two and four year old granddaughters. I put the baby down for a nap. My daughter-in-law is some what of a health-food nut. I am a chocoholic and went in search of some goodies. In the cupboard I found a bag of chocolate chips and graham crackers. So I put a layer of chocolate chips on a cracker and put a cracker on the top. I handed one to Olivia and made myself one. While we were enjoying our cracker of goodness, I said to Olivia, “Wow this is good, huh Olivia?” She said, “Yeah we are a$$holes, huh grandmom?” I was shocked for a moment at what she said, but I think she meant because we were eating her mom's chocolate chips for her cookies. Who would think a four year old would put that together. I didn't tell what she said to her mom, but I did tell my son and we laughed our butts off!

Pure Logic

Contributed by Chaotic Chica

Like most parents here, I have more than my share of funny stories but I will stick with one more recent. My three year old daughter is the youngest of five and spends a good deal of time with grandma as she is not in school yet.
Last week she came out of the bathroom with nothing on her bottom. I asked her where her underwear was. She told me with her pants. I asked her where her pants were. She straight faced told me with her underwear. I tried not to laugh but everyone else lost it-I did, too!
What do you say when your three year old uses logic like that?

Not the F word!!!

Contributed by jayjay40

I work at a school, and one day a little girl came to me and said, “That boy just swore at me.” “Oh goodness,” I replied “What did he say?” “He said the F word - He said I was fick!”

Monkey See, Monkey Do!!! :D

Contributed by Cly Walsh

My daughter, who is four years old, said a rather funny thing a few weeks ago. My partner and I were not happy with her for not doing what we asked. Occasionally we will let her know we've 'got the sh*ts' with her’ - she came up to us after we let her know we were not happy with her for being naughty and pointed to each of us in turn and said "I've got your sh*ts and I've got your sh*ts - now you don't have the sh*ts with me!" and then stood there with a big grin. Cheeky bugger she is!

They LOVE Attention!

 Contributed by sophs

I was in the supermarket with my 2 year old daughter last week, we had finished shopping and were at the checkout paying, I could see her staring at this man, so I said 'Amelia don't stare at people it's rude', she looked at me as if I were stupid, turned back to the man and all of a sudden just lifted her dress right up and shouted at him 'Look at my big fat belly'! Ohhhhhh I was so embarrassed lol, he laughed like. I don't know where she got that from!


Have you heard something gut-busting funny from a child before?

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Submit a Comment
  • Jodah profile image

    John Hansen 

    3 years ago from Queensland Australia

    Haha thanks Becca.

  • BeccaHubbardWoods profile imageAUTHOR

    Becca Hubbard-Woods 

    3 years ago from Outside your window.

    LOL! I love it! That's so great I'm going to share it with my eight year old. He loves limericks and anything clean and funny!

  • Jodah profile image

    John Hansen 

    3 years ago from Queensland Australia

    More hillarious stuff out of the mouths of babes.

    Here is a chicken poem I wrote.

    I bred a boneless chicken

    That laid pre-scrambled eggs,

    It just sat around and ate and laid

    'Cause it couldn't use its legs.

  • BeccaHubbardWoods profile imageAUTHOR

    Becca Hubbard-Woods 

    3 years ago from Outside your window.

    Thanks for stopping by! XD

  • shanmarie profile image

    Shannon Henry 

    3 years ago from Texas

    LOL. This is a good one! Glad I stopped by to check out your hubs.

  • BeccaHubbardWoods profile imageAUTHOR

    Becca Hubbard-Woods 

    3 years ago from Outside your window.

    LOL!!! I love these stories so much. Just yesterday, my 12 year old son was picking on my 8 year old son. Oldest says: Preston - you're growing a mustache! Youngest says: That's fine. I'll slap you with my mustache... I was doubled over laughing.

  • Shyron E Shenko profile image

    Shyron E Shenko 

    3 years ago from Texas

    Hi Becca, these are so funny, I have a lot of them also. like my four year old grandson and I were taking a walk and he passed a gas and I said what was that? He glances over his shoulder and said "the cat!" We don't have a cat.


  • the pink umbrella profile image

    the pink umbrella 

    8 years ago from the darkened forest deep within me.

    lmao funny shit.

  • mcrawford76 profile image

    Matthew I Crawford 

    8 years ago from Greeley, Colorado

    Great hub, such a fun read! I actually had a good one just last night. After assembling a bookshelf recently there were some parts left over (as there always are). While picking up the living room my 4 year old found a screw and brought it to me. Her exact words were.

    "Daddy. . .Screw. . . You." Not paying attention and not seeing what she was holding in her hands I replied. "What did you just say?" She responded quickly (and giggling) "screw for you".

    I then noticed what she was holding in her hands and we both started laughing hysterically.

  • profile image

    C.J. Wright 

    9 years ago

    Thanks for the laughs, I needed that!LOL

  • mythbuster profile image


    9 years ago from Utopia, Oz, You Decide

    Had to come back and read these again lol. This time, the 3-toothed molar story struck me as very funny... but "Look at my big fat belly" nearly made me choke on my coffee. Great hub!

  • BeccaHubbardWoods profile imageAUTHOR

    Becca Hubbard-Woods 

    9 years ago from Outside your window.

    I love these stories. I keep coming back and reading them myself! Thanks for stopping by.

  • mythbuster profile image


    9 years ago from Utopia, Oz, You Decide

    I love "my dinner fell out" and also the account by samboiam lol.

  • BeccaHubbardWoods profile imageAUTHOR

    Becca Hubbard-Woods 

    9 years ago from Outside your window.

    Thanks, as always, epigramman. it's truly a pleasure to have you as a fan. : )

  • epigramman profile image


    9 years ago

    ..actually you are pretty good at titles too - lol lol

    and what comes after is even better and funny and true - and such is life but then again - life is good when I come here to your hubs ...... still laughing at that other one too - people I want to kick in the nuts ... truly classic - truly you!!!

  • BeccaHubbardWoods profile imageAUTHOR

    Becca Hubbard-Woods 

    9 years ago from Outside your window.

    Thanks L.T.! I have one in the works right now, as a matter of fact! I love these hubs possibly more than the others. Children are truly the greatest gift. : )

  • ltfawkes profile image


    9 years ago from NE Ohio

    Very funny. Keep 'em coming.


  • BeccaHubbardWoods profile imageAUTHOR

    Becca Hubbard-Woods 

    9 years ago from Outside your window.

    Mike, kids seem to know so much more than we do. Did we forget once we got older? LOL! That boy sounds like a riot! Thanks for reading! : )

    girlincape, I loved that, too. These stories made my day.

    PoeticLicense, he's right! I agree 100%. She shouldn't dress like that. Seems my mom told me the green M&Ms were aphrodisiacs. Am I right? Thanks for stopping by. : )

  • PoeticLicense profile image


    9 years ago

    My youngest son has been claiming for years now that the green M&M is a whore because of the way she dresses . . . and well we all know what the green ones do to ya, right?

  • girlincape profile image

    Kasey Rubenstein 

    9 years ago from California

    HAHA! I'm totally going to use "my dinner fell out" if I ever throw up again. xD

  • Mike Lickteig profile image

    Mike Lickteig 

    9 years ago from Lawrence KS USA

    Long time ago I was trying to strap a little guy into a high chair in a restaurant. Not my typical style, I struggled and struggled as he watched impassively. He finally asked me in a nonchalant way, "Want me to help you with that?"

    Years later this same boy is sitting in a restaurant with my parents and me, and informs them in the same nonchalant manner, "We learned about menstruation in school today." Mom's response was, "What did you just say?"

    Kids are indeed funny.



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