Should an Adopted Child Contact Their Birth Mother or Father?
Have Realistic Expectations
The question asked was, "What advice can you give to someone who is adopted and would like to find his or her biological mother or father? (including legal procedures)
As an adopted child I can only speak from my own experience. Unfortuately, I can't offer legal advise since I'm not an expert in that area.
First before you consider searching for your birth mother, birth father or biological family, it's very important to have realistic expectations. What are realistic expectations?
Your biological mother, father or family may or may not want to meet you and get to know you. Don't set yourself up for disappointment, if things turn out different than you hope.
If your birth mother or father are open to meeting you that's great. Keep in mind that your relationship with them could become very special but they will never be "your parents". That title and honor only goes to the people who raised you. No matter what type of realtionship you have with your adopted parents, they will always be your real Mom and Dad.
If your birth mother or father don't wish to meet you and have a relationship with you, let it go and move on with your life. (It's their loss!) Don't take it as a personal rejection as you have no idea what is going on in their life. What challenges they live with, how their family is or other personal issues. All you can do is respect their wishes and live every day of your life with out regrets.
The Adopted Child
Should You Contact Your Biological Parent?
"Should I contact my birth mother or father?" is probably the question you are asking yourself. A simple question that only you can answer.
If you want to contact one or both of them and you have realistic expectations; go ahead and do it. It may change your life and again, it may not but you have satisfied your need to know.
Are You Adopted?
If you are adopted do you know one or both of your biological parents?
Adoption Stories And Inspiration
Adoption Registries And Suport
- Search and Reunion
Find information and resources on searching for birth relatives, reunion, obtaining birth and adoption records, support groups, and relevant laws and policies.
- Pennsylvania's Adoption Registry
Who does the registry serve? Adoptees born in Pennsylvania and Biological parents whose child was born in Pennsylvania and released for adoption.
- Google Search for US adoption registry
US government and state web sites that have adoption registries.
- Adoption Council of Canada Resources
The Adoption Council of Canada (ACC) includes links to provincial web sites for birthparents or an adopted child.
My Adoption Story
I was adopted when I was over a year old by a wonderful, older couple who knew my birth mother through friends. I was very lucky to have great parents who loved me and taught me about all the important things.
My parents kept in touch with my biological mother and introduced us when I was 16 years old. We have delveoped a wonderful relationship over the years and she has always been a part of my children's lives. After my parents both passed away I believe she had some unrealistic expectations that strained our relationship. I'm working on it and things have gotten better, because she is important to me.
When my second child was a baby my biological half sisters from my father contacted me. I enjoyed a good relationship with my father and his family until he passed away. Unfortunately, I haven't seen or communicated with my two half sisters since his funeral. No problems that I'm aware of, we just lost touch so I hope we can connect again one day.
My adopted parents were very supportive and welcomed my biological family in to my life. I have no idea why I'm telling you all this, but maybe it is in hope that it will some how make a difference....