Is it weird or bad in some way, to not like visiting grave sites; even if it's your parents?
My Dad passed three years ago and my Mom two years ago and I have visited their graves once each and it's driving my siblings crazy.
If it helps to know this, you aren't the only one. I have a very hard time dealing with loss myself.
I don't see why it has anything to do with your siblings. Everybody deals with loss differently, and you probably don't find the grave site necessary. Personally, I agree with you...the grave is not them, it will not bring them back, and it won't really make you any closer to their memory.
For some it is that way, however, and to them the visits are necessary to help them deal with their grief.
But to answer your question, no it's not weird at all.
It can take some people longer to feel comfortable or even to be able to really deal with the reality of associating a very close loved one with a grave. I was 21 when my father died, and it took me a long time to be able to go to the grave.
I've found that losing someone very close seems to take about five years to really get over (as much as one can ever get over it). Something that backed up that belief was when Diane Sawyer covered the September 11 surviving family members around the fifth anniversary of the event. She noted that the families seemed to have reached a different stage and had begun to move on, compared to earlier years. That's not saying someone isn't "better" at three years than at one year, but it's a lot slower a process than a lot of people often realize.
My husband's sister and her husband lost their 20-month old child, and the husband couldn't go to the grave.
Also based on my own experience, I found losing my father at 21 a much different thing than losing my mother when I was 41.
I'm guessing you may be able to deal with it better after some more time passes. (My sister and I go our parents' grave regularly, and we're really used to it.) If you're young that could be a factor too. I, personally, don't think it's either "weird" or "
When I couldn't go to my father's grave I used to tell myself that he would have understood why. I'm now the parent of three grown children, and I'd want them to know that I, too, would understand if it was something they couldn't do. You've got the rest of your life to go to their grave sites. You probably need more time; and if you do, your parents would probably understand and want you take the time you need.
Siblings can be very judgmental when another sibling doesn't think and act the way they do when it comes to something like this. No matter how close they are, siblings "walk in different shoes" when it comes to their individual relationship with parents or when it comes to something like differences in age/emotional maturity if parents pass away. Each person must deal with grief in his own way, and your siblings need to understand that.
For you to lose both parents so close together is an awful lot to deal with for anyone, whether you're young or old.
Thanks for your responses. I am glad to hear, that I am not the only one dealing with this type of issue. Like some of you have mentioned, maybe I will feel different about visiting the grave sites after some time. Right now, I want to remember them alive and well or rather the happy times. The graves makes me sad.
by Elayne 3 years ago
I was born and raised in one area and then after getting married have lived most of my life far away from my siblings. It has been hard to keep the relationship going, although it really was never that close to begin with - how about yours?
by Jami Johnson 3 years ago
Who's smarter the first born or the second born (or the third or forth)?I always hear, the first born child is smarter because they have more attention from the parents.... or the second born is smarter because of the older brother/sister, etc... So what do you believe? Are the first born children...
by Daniel Mollat 6 months ago
Being new I'm not sure I totally understand the way to generate income here in HP. Am I to understand that one must have an Adsense account to earn income? I've applied for an Adsense account some time ago but have not heard anything from them. Does this mean no matter how good my hubs are and how...
by Grace Marguerite Williams 3 years ago
The large family of 6 or more children is becoming outmoded. The large family usually have a diametrically different culture and milieu to that of the small family. Parental interaction is rare to nonexistent. As a result of this little or none parental...
by Julianna 7 years ago
Yesterday we went to the Oncologist. She has been fighting for her life since October 2009. They reviewed her scans and her tumors metasticized on her liver and there is a small lesion on her kidney. She now has tumors in both lungs, but they say her colon, breast, and brain are clear. When the...
by NaomiR 8 years ago
I've always been interested in this topic and love watching that show, Haunted. I'm not sure I'd really want to see a ghost, though, and don't actively seek to disturb the dead. I had a weird experience a few years ago when we went to Salem, MA. I went to use the ladies' room, which was in the...
Copyright © 2018 HubPages Inc. and respective owners. Other product and company names shown may be trademarks of their respective owners. HubPages® is a registered Service Mark of HubPages, Inc. HubPages and Hubbers (authors) may earn revenue on this page based on affiliate relationships and advertisements with partners including Amazon, Google, and others.
|HubPages Device ID||This is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.|
|Login||This is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.|
|HubPages Traffic Pixel||This is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.|
|Remarketing Pixels||We may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.|
|Conversion Tracking Pixels||We may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.|