I desperately need advice on how to deal with my 2 1/2 year old daughter's behav

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  1. gmcmeee profile image61
    gmcmeeeposted 14 years ago

    I desperately need advice on how to deal with my 2 1/2 year old daughter's behavior. I also have...

    an 18 mo. old daughter and a five month old baby girl. My 2 year old seems to have serious anger issues. I know she is smart and understands much of what's being said, but she still won't say but a few words every now and then. They are not always the same words, so I know her vocabulary is good sized and growing. Most of the time she is trying to reach anything she knows she is not supposed to. If she doesn't get her own way she screams at full volume without end. Then she will bang her head hard against doors, walls, the floor while she is still screaming. This happens several times a day.

  2. ledefensetech profile image68
    ledefensetechposted 14 years ago

    What kind of limits have you set on your daughter's behavior?  It sounds like she's pushing limits and watching your reaction to see how you're going to react and what you're going to do.  You need to decide what sorts of behaviors are acceptable for her to express and which sorts of behaviors you will not tolerate.

    That's pretty typical for this age.  Setting limits and punishments now will save you a lot of grief in the future.  When your daughter sees you setting limits and abiding by them, she'll get a better idea of what is expected of her and how she is expected to act. 

    If you need some guidelines, I'd suggest using time out's and similar punishments for behaviors up to aggression and tantrums.  Once she begins aggressive, destructive or tantrum behaviors, physical punishment is called for.  One thing to keep in mind is that you have to be aware of your emotions, which can run high at such times, and make sure you are punishing the behavior, not taking out your frustrations.  You can take your frustrations out on a pillow.  In fact it might be a good teaching moment to show your daughter how to properly take her frustrations out on a pillow, which could moderate her behavior.

  3. Patty Inglish, MS profile image90
    Patty Inglish, MSposted 14 years ago

    You have three children in the Early Childhood stage: 2.5 yrs, 1.5 yr, and 5 months old. That's a lot of young children in the  most important formative years of 0 - 5. Mental health and mental illness both begin during these years.

    I suggest you ask your pediatrician and his nurses for help as soon as you can. If the oldest child's behavior is not physically based, then you may have a power play on your hands and a possibly a larger behavioral problem growing. It must be caught before age 5 according to my medical and psychiatric colleagues, and according research coming out of St. Louis for the last 20 years.

    Best wishes to you for speedy recovery in this matter.

  4. FairyCharm profile image60
    FairyCharmposted 14 years ago

    I do not think anything is wrong with your 2.5 year-old kid. she is the eldest and yet too young. She is experiencing her first set of emotions. At such tender age, the first child (who often is the ONLY child) expect all the attention and affection towards her. she does not realize how much her sisters need you too. however, her demand is not too much. make sure you do not make her feel UNWANTED even unwillingly. be all sweet and caring with her. spend loads of family time with all three kids and leave them time to mingle amongst each other. do not be rude or loud. scolding her would make her feel worse. instead give her some time and then later, you could explain her. do not be like..."your sister needs to be fed" when she wants you to play with her. give her the time. when she's tired, go feed the younger girls. balance things. i understand that it is difficult for you to handle so many young kids. your husband could be of some help here. gud luck smile

  5. BUSYTXMOMOF2 profile image60
    BUSYTXMOMOF2posted 14 years ago

    This is actually pretty typical behavior for this age. Although tough, you HAVE to be very consistant. The same disipline instantly for the offence. My go to disipline for my daughter, who is a handful as well, is a playpen set up in the front room for timeout. The reason its a playpen is because like your daughter she wouldn't stay on a "notty mat" and she bangs her head. She does it because that gets attention from me. In the playpen she is safe. Only for about a min or so not any longer. Then time out is done I go get her and hold her calm her down and explain in ver simple terms why she was in time out. Does it always work? No, Two year old are very persistant and they need a lot of attention and stimulation. You have your hands full smile Does it work more often than not? Now that it has been used for a few months consitantly yes. We will now give her a warning "don't touch! You will go to time out" I would say 75% of the time it works. If your daughter is anything like mine 75% is REALLY good. Good luck I am sure you are a wonderful loving parent so she is just trying to get more of mom. Try giving her some alone mommy time during the day

  6. izettl profile image87
    izettlposted 14 years ago

    If her anger is anything more than typical 2 yr old tantrums then it's not an "anger" issue and it's not her issue, it's yours and she is the symptom. If it truly is an anger issue then she is copying it from someone in the house.

    With so many kids, you have probably let bad behavior slip through the cracks. I hear about toddlers who get into cupboards, garbage, etc and my daughter opened one up once and I was right there to say "no touch". I was even there when she looked at them like she wanted to and I said "uh uh" and shook my head. You have to be on their butts watching them very early on or else trouble arises (as you know) later. Parents (overwhelmed) in your case let things slide or don't see what's going on and if she gets away with something a few times then she will learn her chances are pretty good, good enough to try.

    I have a high maintenance 2 yr old. She gets real loud and upset real fast. Mostly when I misunderstand her or I am not giving her attention- 2 things you don't have time for. So what do you do? She is clearly doing it for attention so the best fix is give her seperate attention from the other kids, take time out to understand her needs, and don't give her attention when she acts up. Don't smile don't frown, just give her the order and time out if necessary. If she bangs her head, show her compassion, "aw baby don't hurt yourself, mommy loves you" then walk away- no extra attention. You have to invest the time now before it gets more out of hand. This is a cry for help form you and her. it shouldn't get to this point so now you hav to do damage control. Don't label her "bad".
    Like I said, My daughter is high maintenance and I waited almost 4 years to get pregnant again. Don't have anymore kids for a while.

  7. Kerrie Lynskey profile image69
    Kerrie Lynskeyposted 13 years ago

    Being a toddler is a very difficult thing.  As our babies grow into little people, we constantly tell them what a "big" boy or girl they are as they master new skills such as using the toilet.  Toddlers are, I'm increasingly convinced, in their own minds at least - mini adults!  Since they have learned to walk, talk and take care of their own toilet busines -they can pretty much take care of themselves.  They are invincible!  When our cute little babies learn to exert their own will, throw tantrums and yell NO! at any opportunity it can be pretty scary to say the least. 

    Once they reach this stage it can be very hard for young children to deal with their own limtations.  They can walk and reach things (especially in a supermarket) and can't yet understand why they can't have everything they see.  This is I'm afraid the Age of Reason!  Children need to know the WHY? of everything - this requires huge patience and a never ending supply of explanations. 

    Toddlers on the whole do not understand why they can't do or have everything they want.  They are not yet able to see things from anyone else's point of view.  This includes siblings new and old as well as parents.  This is the time in a child's development when they need to understand the rules and the boundaries within their own families and in their wider world.

    I have found a technique called 1,2,3, Magic to be really useful with my own daughter and have seen it used well in schools and nurseries.

    Basically, when a child's behaviour is not acceptable, you tell them that you don't like that particular behavior..  You say that they have three chances - 1,2,3 - and if they reach three, they will have to go to the time out chair or step.  Allow 2 minutes for a two year old, three for a three year old and so on....

    Each time they display this behaviour, count them up to three. Most children learn the boundaries pretty quickly this way.

    I have never used this for minor transgressions, more for children who display agressive behaviour towards others, such as shouting or screaming, smacking or other more serious behaviours.

    Your daughters tantrums sound quite extreme and she appears from what you have said to be very angry and frustrated.  This might work for her.

    Does she only does this when she can't have her way? 

    If she is hurting herself, then I would advise you to visit your family doctor or health visitor for further help.  Hope this helps:)

  8. American View profile image61
    American Viewposted 12 years ago

    Does she only have fits when she does not get her way? does she have fits and you do not know why? If you answer yes, She may have Autism. I am not saying she does, but it could be a possibility.


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