How would you tell your kid that her dad wasn't man enough to give her his name?
I don't think that you should tell her that! Just because you are angry at him doesn't mean that she should be. You must think about the potential consequences of telling a child such things. She may feel unwanted, unworthy, and experience other negative emotions that can lead to depression and acting out.
The best thing that you could do is to not bash him at all (even if he is the biggest jerk in the world!) As she gets older, she will realize for herself that you were there for her and she will respect you for not bashing her father; she is, after all, part of him.
Ironically, often times when a single parent bashes the other parent, the child will use that against you ("Daddy would let me do that...I want to move in with Daddy!") The best thing you can say is nothing at all. In time she will realize who was there for her.
I would not tell her that at all. I don’t understand why adults feel the need to throw their negativity into the lives of children. It’s incredibly selfish and hurtful to the child. Think about what will make your child happy and feel good. People need to learn what loving a child is. I was raised by people who chose to let me in on all their problems with each other. It makes a child feel low. She’s not your friend, she’s your daughter.Someday she will become an adult and you can tell her everything if you feel the need. In the meantime tell your friends, tell a counsellor, tell the internet community, don’t tell your child.
Speaking from the stance of a broken home, where my mother cheated on my father, then divorced him and him disappearing from my life for a while. I can honestly say that you shouldn't take any tact that acknowledges his existence as her father.
If the father isn't willing to accept the child, as his, then he shouldn't be a factor in her life. I wouldn't mention it, until she is old enough to understand the responsibility of parenthood. I mean, when she is in school, she'll learn about parenting and even sooner from friends, and she will inquire/ask questions about her dad.
At that time, I would simply tell her the truth. She will love you more for being honest with her and it will allow her to deal with the adversity that comes with learning. It is important she learns about her father, but don't let her find out at a time where it can damage her future. You tell her too early, you'll do more damage than expected.
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