jump to last post 1-4 of 4 discussions (4 posts)

Why is it when your down, your kicked repeatedly till they expect you to give up

  1. fosginger profile image61
    fosgingerposted 5 years ago

    Why is it when your down, your kicked repeatedly till they expect you to give up.

    When you've seen this happen to a loved one, what did you do?

  2. chspublish profile image80
    chspublishposted 5 years ago

    Hi fosginger, does your question mean 'down psychologically'?
    Well, I take it that way anyway. I think sometimes we may be around people who have little patience or feel a kind of fear that causes them to be quite defensive and negative. They are not sensing how we feel. This may come out as 'getting at' us, being critical or bullying etc.
    I think it's up to ourselves to move from that environment.
    There is the expectation that others may make a change of behaviour to suit us. It's most unlikely to occur unless that person or persons are very enlightened and aware of the negative. Thus the aware person is most likely to stop and apologise.
    Self awareness is really important to promoting goodwill and understanding.
    I have often made the mistake and assumed that a person understood my hurt and dilemma, even if I explained my position and feelings.
    Ignoring the behaviour, deflecting attention and developing a 'deaf' ear may help for a while.
    In the long run if you are encountering lack of awareness, it's best to remove yourself and surround yourself with good-intentioned people with good self awareness, which will have a beneficial effect on you. That's my bit. Hope it makes sense. Thanks for the question.

  3. Lisa HW profile image73
    Lisa HWposted 5 years ago

    If I understand your question correctly, I'm assuming you mean that it's common for people to zero in on someone whose life isn't "all in order" and start "putting their two-cents in" (and worse) in that person's life and on his situation.

    Why I think this can tend to happen lots of times is that human nature has a few traits that cause it:

    1.  When the person in question (the one who's down) is someone who has been on top and by whom others have often felt threatened, they can kind of like the fact that he's no longer on top.  So they can kind of "live it up" and enjoy their chance to feel like the one who is on top.

    2.  When a person has never, or seldom, seemed to have his life in order; the trait in human nature is often a tendency to assume there's something inferior about that person or his judgment or willingness to do what he has to do.  As a result, a very unappealing and often misguided belief that one is superior and knows better what the other person "should be doing" can kick in.

    In fairness to some who actually mean well, there can be a parental instinct that people have towards someone who is down (even the person who is down is a perfectly sound, capable, wise, adult).  With parental instinct comes an urge to tell someone how to do things, take control of the person's situation and/or contribute to the "down" individual's suffering consequences of choices the person with parental instinct didn't approve of.

    3. Measuring other's choices/behaviors by our own:  There's a tendency in a lot of people (certainly not all) to measure how "right" or "wrong" someone has been in his choices, or in his ways of doing things/thinking, by our own.  If he's "more" than we are on one thing or another we may see him as "too much".  If he's "less" one way or another than we are, we may see him as "not enough".  In other words, if he isn't, and doesn't do, everything in just the same amount/way as we do, he's "not as ideal" according to our own measure of "ideal" (which in some people is themselves).  So, people's thinking too highly of themselves is another reason they a) see someone as incapable of keeping his life in order, and b) incapable of getting it back in order.  Then, in comes the attempts to offer "better ideas" and to step in and take control.   hmm

  4. Eliminate Cancer profile image58
    Eliminate Cancerposted 5 years ago

    When you are down, every kick is so much more painful.  Others don't see the pain because they're caught up in their own lives.

 
working