Advice For Step-Parents (Brady Bunch Mom)

  1. Lisa Petrarca profile image61
    Lisa Petrarcaposted 10 years ago

    After eight years of being the "Brady Bunch" family, I can say that I have finally mastered the art of mothering my children vs. the stepchildren. Now when I say verses, in the beginning that is what it felt like. My children were trying to compete with his children for attention, love, equality and finding their place! In 1999 the family dynamics began with, two 9 year olds (my son, his daughter,) two 6 year olds (my son, his son,) and two 3 year olds (my son, his son.)

    I started out being his kids "friend". I wanted them to like me and not consider me the mean step mom. My kids immediately got jealous and thought that I was being nicer to his kids because I did not discipline his children the same as I would my own.

    The other issue that was a huge problem was the "ex". This was not a good situation, which only put further strain on my relationship with his children, especially his daughter. It didn't matter that I was nice to them, the fact that me and their mother did not get along set the tone for the relationship. For several years, I wasn't sure how we were going to make it.

    After years of practice and doing the wrong things, here is my list of practical rules for newly integrated families:

    1. Treat each other with respect.
    2. Always back each other up on decisions.
    3. Be fair and consistent with your discipline.
    4. Do NOT show favoritism (this is a hard one but do your best, it pays off!)
    5. Everyone does chores equally (this creates a REAL family environment.)
    6. Make peace with the "ex" (hard, but necessary to save your family.)
    7. When arguments occur, both parties involved get the same punishment,
    (this discourages further conflicts and favoritism claims.)
    8. Always take family vacations together (thus creating a family togetherness
    environment.)
    9. Attend all sports, banquets, and special events for ALL the children (they
    will know you care.)
    10. Do not give up (if or should I say when you fall, start back at rule number 1 and repeat the steps as needed until you have perfected them).

    Good luck, and may I remind you, it only took me seven years to have a wonderful relationship with my step children as well as their mother. My sincerest hope is that these steps will take off a couple of years of struggle in your quest to integrate stepchildren into your family.

  2. wychic profile image86
    wychicposted 10 years ago

    I'm glad you were able to make it! I know the failure of my family was probably because of everyone's ages...my mom remarried when I was 15, my sister 16, and we moved in her new husband and his two boys ages 14 and 17. My sister and I were always intellectual types and excelled in school, my stepbrothers preferred to party and it didn't help that their school vacations differed from ours so we had them making all sorts of noise when we had to be up at 5:00 a.m. My older stepbrother and I moved out at about the same time...six months after the joining of the families. My sister waited until she got out of high school so made it almost two years, pretty close to the same amount of time my younger stepbrother was able to put up with it. Now I'm not even sure if those stepbrothers would say hello if we passed each other on the street, but maybe things would have been different if the whole thing had been tried several years earlier.

  3. Lisa Petrarca profile image61
    Lisa Petrarcaposted 10 years ago

    Thanks for your comment...it is always hard but I think you're right the fact that the kids were younger helped.  That's too bad that it didn't work out for your family and you had to move out so young.  It must have been hard on you, but it sounds like your doing good now!

    Take care,

    Lisa

 
working

This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

Show Details
Necessary
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Features
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Marketing
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Statistics
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)