Is it possible to love all your children equally? Can you love one more than the rest?
I have noticed in many families that the last child is the one that is loved so much.
I don't think love is as quantifiable as all that. You love different people differently. Often, parents are more enmeshed with their last child. But that doesn't mean they love 'em more. Nor is it particularly healthy.
I have three children. They all have different facets to their personalities. Each has their own quirks and approach to life and the world around them.
But what they are doesn't alter who they are ... my children.
And I adore each of them with the same depth of feeling. Without doubt.
Is it possible? As a parent of two very different children, yes, it is possible to love your children equally.
My mom is a perfect example of this. Out of we three girls, my sister in the middle has had the most issues/problems. Extremely dyslexic, hyperactive, OCD, Tourette's. She had these issues growing up at a time when these were unfamiliar terms and the only label given her was "problem child." She was very difficult to raise and still has many issues as an adult.
Regardless, my mother's love for her has been unwavering all these years.
Are there times it seems she offers my sister more support than she gave to me? Yes. But then, something will happen to me, like my recent surgeries, and she and my dad are with me, by my side, every step of the way.
A parent who is committed to being just that -- a parent -- loves all their children regardless of their "issues." As a mother, you quickly realize, your children are a part of your body and tied to your spirit. What else could you do but to love them equally in whatever way suits each child best; serves their interests best.
I have three children and they have very different personalities. I love them all but there are different qualities that I am drawn too. I cannot say that I love one more than the other. They each hold a different place in my heart and there is enough love within me to love em all.
I'm one of 4 children, and have never doubted for a second that our parents love all of us equally.
While pregnant with my second child, I really wondered how I could possibly love another child as much as I loved my first. The love that I had for my firstborn was so immense and so all-consuming, I actually thought that she had ALL of it. I worried about it and wondered about it until I finally talked about it with my mother right before my second child was due. Amazingly, she knew how I felt but had words of wisdom that completely changed me. She told me that each child is born with a new love. And though I may find it difficult to believe, there is always room for another child. And she was right. My second was born and my love for her was born at the same time. It is incredible how it works. Now I have a third and I can honestly say that I love all three of my children with equal, but unquantifiable amounts of love. And all three of them are different.
In multichild families, parents don't love all their children equally. In multichild families, favoritism is rife. There is going to be a child or some children that parents love more than others. There is going to be children who will be discarded, cast aside, even neglected. There are others who will be family outcasts, even scapegoated. That is the family dynamics in multichild families.
Depends on how you define love. I think most parents love their children equally. Liking them equally is a different story.
In multichild families, parents simply don't love, even treat all their children equally. One or a few will receive more preferential treatment than others. That is a fact of life in families where there are two or more children. The only families where there isn't any favoritism are 1-child families. In multichild families, the issue of favoritism exist whether parents wish to acknowledge it or not.
I disagree, but that is why I asked how you define love.
I know my parents loved me. I know they would have suffered the same emotional distress had I died that they would have if one of my siblings had. I know they would have died, themselves, for any of us if need be. But, I do know they liked my oldest sister better than the rest of us. It wasn't anything other than personalities meshing. It had nothing to do with the love for their children.
Love means treating all your children in the family equally yet appreciating, even nurturing their individual uniqueness. Love is also not liking one child better than the other. Children sense this which negatively impacts upon their development emotionally, even intellectually, psychologically, & psychically. Children who are liked LESS than their sibling or siblings are damaged, they feel that they are never enough in their parents' eyes. They feel less than, even marginalized within their own families.
Liking one child better than other children oftentimes result in sibling bullying, even abuse. It creates jealousy in siblings. It creates family discord from which many siblings cannot recover from even in adulthood. Again, children know when there is unfairness in the family. NO ONE child should be liked more than other children in the family, that is beyond egregious behavior on the part of the parent. That is a form of child abuse to the other children in the family.
What your parents as the majority of parents of multichild families practiced was favoritism to the nth degree. All parents of multichild families practice favoritism in one form or another. Such behavior, although it is wrong, is very commonplace in families where there are two or more children in the same family.
You are confusing love with like. It's a common mistake.
I just wanted to add one thing. You present this as if not treating all children exactly the same is somehow outside of the bounds of acceptable behavior. It's simply a fact of human interaction. There are lessons to be learned at every stage of life and these are lessons we learn as children. It's part of growing up.
Children aren't loved nor treated equally in families where there are 2 children and more. In fact, the larger the family, the more unequally children are treated. In multichild families, favoritism is rife. Children SEE & KNOW this. In multichild families, youngest children are treated more preferentially while middle & oldest children are ignored. The only families where there is no favoritism are 1-child families. If parents don't want to indulge in favoritism, have 1-child families.
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