As a parent, do you have a favorite son or daughter? Is this inevitable, or we can control it?
All children should be treated equally, but there are parents who always prefer a particular son or daughter. is this inevitable, say we have a close relationship with the particular son or daughter because of circumstances, say they have a soft spot in our hearts etc.
As a mother of 3 I can say that I do have a different connection with my first child than my other two children. This does not mean that I love any of them more or less. He has Aspergers and has difficulty with many things. So he needs me in a different way than my other children. They all have differnet things that make them special in different ways.
I can honestly say that I love my two children equally and do not have a favorite. I notice that I appreciate different things about them both. For example, one of them is more like me and the other more like her mother. I would not change then because they are both special to me in different ways. I could see how one could develop favorites though. Some families have kids that even when they grow up leach off their parents and don't appreciate anything.
I only have one child, but I think it is inevitable to have a favorite, I think it's human nature. As a parent and adult, you have to control the urge to "favor" one child over the other. You should strive to treat them the same even though each child has different talents. For example you shouldn't spend more time with one child because the child is excellent in sports or the arts, you should give attention to both equally, try your best to encourage your children to support other siblings in their efforts, this should minimize rivalry.
There is always your first. I cannot say that I favor them, but I have a stronger connection with them. Being the first I felt that I needed to be overly protective. I've noticed with the second child that I was not so protective only because the first one taught me that things were going to happen no matter what. I still have that urge to overly protect the first child more than the second, but I still love them both dearly.
I don't have any human kids but I have a lot of furred, feathered or scaled ones! However, I can say that I've watched my Grandfather favor his eldest son & namesake over his other 3 children, to his detriment. This boy of his was the physically strongest, on top of being the 1st born son & was very mechanically inclined which connected them more. My Grandfather has done far more for this child than any other & has backed up this son no matter what horrible behavior he displayed. Now at the end of my Grandfather's years, this Wonderful son of his, takes advantage of him in every way possible, lives off of him, burns his money up & is drooling over the thought of getting all of his father's possessions, after death. The other children are left feeling powerless to protect their father from the manipulation & disrespect of this older son because they've never had as strong a connection with my Grandfather & he puts less value on their opinions. I DO feel that it's possible to Not have a "Favorite" child but I also think it takes a lot of self-awareness in how one parents in order to not favor one over the other. A parent needs to make a conscious effort at all times to see & value the good things in all of their children instead of just the one that they may have more in common with.
The only parents who do not practice favoritism are those parents who have single children. In multichild families, there is bound to be favoritism. When there is more than one child in the family, one child is going to be the favorite. Many factors influence favoritism from having similar personalities to that of the parent, having prodigious talents and gifts, having the same/similar outlook whether it is religion, politics, and/or other arenas, having talents that is desired by the parent, and/or other related factors.
Parents also favor children who are not deemed to be difficult. In other words, they favor children who they consider to be easy and not stressful. That is why parents tend to favor children who are obedient and otherwise compliant. Such children are easy meaning that they are manageable and bend to the parents' will. Children who are more independent and assertive are oftentimes unfavored children because they are considered to be difficult.
There are rewards to being the favored child. He/she has the perks and privileges that other children do not. He/she oftentimes have the inside information and access to the parents that other children do not. He/she is special and the golden child of the family.
However, the favored child is held to higher expectations than the other children in the family. He/she is sometimes expected to exist at the total behest of the parents. He/she feels that he/she is under undue obligations to the parents because they have "done so much" for him/her.
As the old adage goes, if one is given much, then that one has great expectations. Oftentimes, there is resentment and anger on the part of the less favored children in the family towards the favored child. Many times favoritism creates a chasm among siblings which lasts into adulthood.
by Grace Marguerite Williams 5 years ago
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by HouseSeller 6 years ago
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