How can a father be relevant in the life of his teenage daughter?

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   Gergposted 12 years ago

   How can a father be relevant in the life of his teenage daughter?
   
   Not really interested in anecdotal feedback, but specifically honest, authentic feedback from someone who has been a daughter, and can tell me/us from the perspective of a teenage girl what matters and what does not when she thinks about the role(s) her father played or didn't play.  I have my own perspective, and from others close to me, but I want to see what kinds of responses this question provokes from the HP audience ...

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   iheartkafkaposted 12 years ago

   The teenage years are particularly difficult for girls: we are emotional, hypersensitive, and often, plagued with drama (that seems all important). I think it's important for a father to be understanding, first and foremost. A daughter may be moretheir willing to connect if she doesn't sense judgment. I would also encourage a father to recognize that the daughter is more mature...clinging to her childhood pastimes may only annoy her. Show an interest in what interstate her (in a subtle, non-desperate way). Ask a few questions. The straightforward route is good too. Tell her you'd like to forge a stronger connection and ask her what she'd like to do with you. Thieve acknowledges her maturity. Good luck.

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      Gergposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Really good information - thank you; very helpful.

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   Collisaposted 12 years ago

   I've noticed that secure, confident women almost uniformly had dads who cherished, affirmed, and adored them. Those who didn't, no matter how gorgeous, intelligent and successful they are, seem to lack that foundational confidence. For a girl to have her dad's genuine love seems to make all the difference later in life. So don't harp on her mistakes. Instead, listen to her, empathize, and connect with her emotionally.

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      Gergposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you - this validates the approach I've tried to take.

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   Mrs Jil Manningposted 12 years ago

   A teenage girl's father is her role model, her blueprint for the man she will have in her life as an adult.  If her father treats her as someone special, reassures her that she is a beautiful, intelligent, good person, then she will be able to go out into life feeling good about herself, and only draw men to her who will treat her well.  She won't have to seek reassurance from other men whose motives may not be good.  Some women not agree, and may feel they were fine without a good fatherly role model.  Some have their lives shaped by the absence of a good father, and not in a good way.  Fathers are so important for a girls self-esteem, how she feels about herself.  Be her rock, her strong protector and defender.  Tell her she is beautiful.

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      Gergposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you - this is also helpful.  I can say I'm blessed to have a daughter with pretty healthy self-esteem (for a teenager); of course that is something we nurtured in her very early.
      
      These are all very strong answers - I really appreciate it!

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   wisdomographyposted 12 years ago

   by giving her useful advice that she can apply into her daily life or the problems that teenagers face.
   by being there for her and not just working and coming home late everyday.
   
   I'm a teenager. my dad is not perfect. he is a little bit self-centered but he cares for our family and that's what I like most about him. he consoles me when I cry during the sad movies or when I'm sad. he is not my biological dad though but I loves him so much as if he is.

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      Gergposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you, wisdomography, for sharing your perspective, especially in "real time"!  Much appreciated.

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   workingmomplusposted 12 years ago

   I work with a lot of teenage girls and their father has had a significant impact on their life, either enriching it or detracting from it.  I think that it's challenging to be a father to a teenage girl because you want to help her to feel good about herself and who she is becoming but you also want to be able to give her honest feedback about the way she is coming across to boys her age.  I think that this is a hard period for fathers and often seems to create some distance in the relationship.  Most girls want to be respected (and loved) by their father and have the relationship grow up as she is.

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      Gergposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      You're correct.  It's a rather abrupt shift in perspective for her, which catches even the most astute father by surprise.  I always come back to trying to "normalize" things so that open dialogue can flourish ... definitely not easy.  Thank you.

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   WordCrafter09posted 12 years ago

   As a former teenage girl, my immediate response to your question is that I didn't feel any differently about my father when I was a teen than I did when I was younger than that.  He was a kind, loving, father who had always spent time with me (mostly just talking about stuff or else trying to make me and/or my siblings laugh).  He talked about everything (just as my mother did) - the big and small stuff of life, values, why some things aren't "great" to do, etc. etc.    Now that I'm a parent of grown kids, I can say that just as I simply love just being with any of my kids, I just loved being with my father when I was a kid.  When you love someone a lot you're just happy to be with him/her.
   
   My father was a good person and a kind, good, father who did all the things any loving, good, father does for his kids.  He died when I had just turned 21, and the first thing I thought of when the nurse told us that was that he would never get to see my children.  From the time I was about three years old, I know that my father was an example for me of what a good, kind, caring, man is; so by the time I was a teen, all that "seeing his example" was pretty much "ancient history" and ingrained in me.  So, as a teen, to me, all I really cared about was that I had him in my life.  Maybe the payoff for fathers who do a good job from the time their daughters are born is that all their teen daughters want/need from them is to have them in their life (and hopefully, happy and healthy).
   
   I know that may seem as if I'm underestimating the role of/importance of fathers in a teen daughter's life; but I'm not if you think about it.  To me, the MOST important thing about the love between parents and kids is that pure love than means people just enjoy having the other(s) in their life.  Maybe daughters no longer need their father to teach them how to ride a bike or cook great eggs, but those are the small things.  The big thing is that love than means a daughter just likes being with her father (and maybe having him not try to teach her things or tell her right from wrong, but just enjoy her company and seeing what a fine and capable person she's become).
   
   As a parent and adult, I now see what my father missed out on by dying so young.  I've just always hoped he knew how happy I was, and how loved I felt, just because he was the person he was.  What daughter could want or need for relevance than that....  .

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      Gergposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks Wordcrafter - beautiful response.  I'm very sorry for your loss, but inspired by the beautiful connection you've kept with your father after all these years.  Very inspiring.  Much appreciated.

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