Why do oldest children tend to be cast aside and not paid sufficient attention i

1. 82

   gmwilliamsposted 11 years ago

   Why do oldest children tend to be cast aside and not paid sufficient attention in
   
   multichild families?

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2. 73

   lburmasterposted 11 years ago

   That's what you think? From my perspective, I got more attention than my other siblings. As the oldest, my mother treasured me, took me everywhere, always bought me sweet treats. Now I might think that the oldest children don't get attention in families of 12. In those families, the oldest child turns into extra adults. The parents believe they need a hand with keeping track of the other children and they enforce their own child to do their job. It's extremely saddening and I believe it could qualify as abuse.

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   1. 82

      gmwilliamsposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Yes, many oldest children are quite disposable in  large families.  They are either cast aside for the younger ones or they are forced to be surrogate parents.  In families of 2 children, oldest children receive individualized parental attention.

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   2. 73

      lburmasterposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      The bigger families I've seen, they turn out to be surrogate parents.

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   3. 82

      gmwilliamsposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Yes in large &very large families, oldest children RAISE their younger siblings.One can say THEY are PARENTIFIED children.Oldest children in large families have NO childhood(written a hub on this subject, please check it and read, iburmaster!)

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3. 72

   Boulismposted 11 years ago

   In my opinion it's because parents put in a full effort (they can concentrate all of their energy on the one child) with their first child.  And by that I mean (not always in a bad way) they are overprotective, anal, and hovering.  This, in turn, tends to make the first born more of a conformist to the rules and in the eyes of the parent, more responsible.   Parents trust them, so they leave them alone.

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   1. 82

      gmwilliamsposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      What you are said is so true.  Parents see the oldest child as mature and more responsible thus they believe that the latter doesn't need them as much so they are cast aside to either fend for themselves or watch the younger ones(if a large family).

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4. 82

   peachpurpleposted 11 years ago

   yeah, my parents cast me aside as the oldest child and a female. They treasure my brother more than anything else. There are only 2 of us. I would say this is due to each culture, religion beliefs or tradition. In chinese community, males are paid more attention and received more love because they could bring along the surname to the next generation.

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   duffsmomposted 11 years ago

   That is harshly put but I would say very close to what does happen.  Although parents love all of their children, the oldest becomes self sufficient first. Parents with more than one child end up with a time crunch and unfortunately the oldest child pays.
   
   The oldest child sees his/her loving parents fawning over and adoring this new addition. The child doesn't remember when he or she got that same adoring attention but knows this little interloper is sure taking up all mom and dad's time.  And so it continues as more children are born and the oldest becomes a secondary parent or free babysitter.
   
   When I was growing up, my best buddy was the only daughter in a family with 5 kids.  We took her little brother with us everywhere!  She constantly had the 2 year old.  (We were 13 or 14).  Even at that age I thought it was so wrong.

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   1. 82

      gmwilliamsposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      This is de rigueur in the lives of oldest children in large to very large families.   Oldest child is no longer child but parentified.

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6. 82

   gmwilliamsposted 6 years ago

   Parents don't see oldest children as children but as adults.  They feel that their oldest children don't need them as much as their younger children.  Studies have shown that oldest children are shown the LEAST affection by their parents.  They are also treated the MOST DISPARAGINGLY by parents.  Oldest children are cast aside unless they are pressed into familial servitude by their parents & younger siblings.
   
   Oldest children are treated as adults as soon as they can reason.  They have the SHORTEST childhoods & are expected to grow up quickly.  They aren't allowed to be normal children.   They are punished more & harsher than their younger siblings will be at the same age.  Oldest children are expected to make their own way & make the way of their younger siblings.
   
   Parents are less indulgent towards their oldest child.  They believe that since their child is the oldest, h/she should assume THE MOST responsibility.  It isn't usual for oldest child to parent/raise younger siblings, oftentimes forfeiting their own childhoods & adolescence.   Oldest children aren't allowed to have normative childhoods & adolescence.   As a result, oldest children oftentimes become depressed, even suicidal.  They feel that they are SLAVES to their parents & younger siblings.   Many have such stressed lives that they want to end it all as their lives are nothing but harrowing.
   
   Being the oldest is THE LEAST desired birth order.   There are MORE DISADVANTAGES than ADVANTAGES in being the oldest child.  Oldest child are abused by both parents & siblings.  They treat their parents & siblings better than the latter would even them.  They are underappreciated, even unappreciated. 
   
   
   

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