What causes a man who does not take care of his child, think that he can disrupt the child's life?
IF a man/woman does nothing for their child why do they think they can disrupt the child's life, whenever they feel like it? I think you either be there or stay away, am I wrong? To me being a parent is not an option, but an obligation. Either step up to the plate or stay away gracefully. I understand some people may not have seen a mother or father figure, but right is right and wrong and wrong.
You are not wrong, brittvan. Nothing hardly gets me going worse than what you describe. Absolutely, step up to the plate and love and do right by your children like they so need or at least try to get them to those who will.
EVERY parent should have the right to see their child unless they have/are physically or emotionally abusive. Being what the other parent doesn't like, does not count in my mind as worthy of refusing rights. 2 people made a child and 2 people should have rights to a child that are not decided by the other parent but an outside party.
If you understood what I said it has to do with disruption, meaning messes with stability and safety. It's not about like or dislikes, but fairness to the child. No one has the right to hurt anyone even if they have the title Mom or Dad.
Stability is usually a card played by many parents who get mad about unplanned visits. (not directed at you) So long as it is within waking hours I never see an excuse to keep one parent from the children.
Stability, safety, trust, love, and honesty are essential to any relationship. I won't say their are others that are not vindictive, but in this case that is not the case. I can't be a Mom today and tomorrow not and I think it should be taken serious
Speaking as someone who has two parents who decided not to be parents, It is better to have a less than perfect parent than no parent. If a parent doesn't love a child they don't try to visit. If one is trying at all they should be allowed.
Things are never that black in white if your intentions for visits are to keep tabs on Mom/Dad and you do more harm to the psyche of the child, then you are better gone than there. A piece of parent is as unacceptable as a piece of spouse.
No offense here, but have you been in the child's position?
If by that do you mean did I grew up with a single parent yes. Did I have a father that played mind games? Still do. The only difference is it won't realize who the games.
This question really bothered me on a child hood memory level. My dad left our house when I was seven. My mom loved me to death but did not really treat me all that well on the day to day. I cannot judge that. My mom would cuss my dad to me and make it uncomfortable for him to come around. I loved it when he did. Maybe that was disruptive to my mom's power structure but certainly not to me.
Now do not get me wrong. I had a wonderful childhood and was very loved. And because I could see how my mom treated my dad and in fact me. I could understand why he had to leave. My dad never said or did a bad thing to my mom. My dad supported us. At the time of his death at 89 he was my best friend.
So I answer your question like this. As you lay it out I understand how you feel about it and agree with you as you phrase it. But here is the rub. Who decides all those things. Certainly not a mom whose fury may have no equal in wrath.
And I would like to point out that your scenario may well be the result of and illness or other handicap the father may have. Some folks are great parents but cannot hold down a job, or they may be absent because they are off protecting us in a war.
I hope I said this compassionately. There are no winners and no right sides in a divorce. If you are having trouble in this regard I pray for you and certainly cannot judge you. I reckon a whole lot of love could be used right now and you have mine.
Wow, that is really an unfortunate situation. I have seen it from both sides good Moms and good Dads. In this circumstance this Dad is more concerned about partying, making empty promises. Thanks for commenting I like to see male/female perspectives.
Some of the most hurtful pain to work through is pain that comes from our parents. The relationship you have with your Mom and Dad affects how you develop and enter into relationships with others. I firmly believe children learn what they live. No one has the right to cause pain or hurt to anyone regardless of their title or name. Right is right and wrong is wrong. I think if hurt can be avoided it should. I recall many cases where children were abused and when they tried to voice that pain to their primary parent it was dismissed. For Brittany, role/title/or whatever if you cause hurt, pain, and trauma than you should not be given a free pass because you are Mom or Dad. To say two parents made the child is health 101, but to think that gives you the right to say and do things as you please without baring in mind the impressionableness of your child is irresponsible, naïve, and neglectful.
I think you are right. The problem I have is the repeated rejection. I gave my son's dad a few tries to be consistent in seeing him but last time I let them hang out (which I was on the fence about because I notice my son doesn't really ask or talk about his dad. Until he sees him! Then he expects to see him again in a reasonable amount of time but after a couple of weeks he wants to know why his dad hasn't come around or why he's not returning our calls and I cannot stand seeing my son in pain!) but they hung out, he told him he'll see him next week and now it's been a year. I'm not going to let him see him again (if we ever hear from him) because my son seems more hurt when he comes and goes than when he is just gone. AND he lives with his girlfriend and her 2 kids so he is capable of being there if he wanted to be. Okay, so sorry, this obviously hits home with me. Trust what you believe is best for your child, you're the only one that knows the details of your situation. You're the only one having to take care of your child, do what you think is best. Personally, I'm not going to knowingly let my kid get hurt over and over again.
Good luck with that. And when he is in college, or falling in love or playing baseball, football or basketball. Are you going to interfere in his life so he does not get hurt?
Is it at all possible that you have some influence on why dad is gone?
When he's older he can make his own decisions but he's 6, his life is in my hands and this is rejection from a father - very different than gf or sports. All I did was break up with him. Nothing would keep me away from my own child so I don't get it
Dilania, I have been thinking on this. I guess the point is that if a man is not available for his child, this is such a blatant sign of something wrong with him, we need to have compassion there. And that is a pretty good thing to teach our children
I understand your position its not fair to the child when everything takes presence except them, when they are the most important thing. Your worth and value is worth much more than a fleeting whelm from anyone or an after thought.
Eric, my son knows compassion. You can have compassion & still not let someone treat you like dirt. I don't talk badly about him to my son.
brittvan, that's how I feel like my son is an afterthought. Everything else come first incl his gf's kids
One thing is for certain, this is a great question with great comments. I learned much. And I am to be reminded to be grateful for much. WOW I love my children and their moms. Perfect reminder for Mothers day. A happy one to you.
Darn it thought I was on fb for a sec tried to like both comments! You both make excellent points. Although we treasure our children there are others who see them as a burden I have heard horror stories I should hub on it. I always advocate for kids.
I agree this was a great question. It's always good to hear different perspectives. Thank you, Ericdierker! Happy Mother's Day brittvan22!
Happy Mother's Day to you too Dilania! More men should think and appreciate their spouses and children as you do Eric!
What idiots --- But let us move as you two suggest, beyond them. What a great celebration tomorrow. I hope perhaps you two would enjoy my strange mothers' day tale "Nina and me" that I just published.
How is the child's life being disrupted? Are you sure the child is as annoyed by the 'disruptive' parent? What is disruption to one made be solace to another child. How is this person disrupting the child's life, or endangering it? If there is activity that could potentially cause physical harm or injury of course the visit would need to be supervised. It could also be considered a disruption if that child in kept from seeing the dysfunctional parent by the 'healthy' parent. Is the guardian angry over unresolved financial issues? this has nothing to do with the child's right to interact with the parent that does 'nothing'. Many many variable..just sayin'
If you are present to keep tabs on the Mom and make empty promises to be there the next day and do not. If when you do come around you threaten to leave when the kid does something you like as they scream daddy/mommy don't go. I will hub on this soon
This is very valid, what I call the "martyr syndrome" is very prevalent among custodial parents and it is immensely destructive. There is a cool bible scene that addresses this. One works to prepare the house and food. the other adores the guest.??
precisely. I did a hub on the Levite's Wife or Concubine depends on your interpretation of the pericope.
by S T Guy 9 years ago
Is it wrong to publicly correct a mother on how NOT to discipline her child in the streets?The other day, I saw a mother vehemently shake and drag her young crying child (who seemed about 3 years old) in the streets, while leaving Target. In New York, if you call the police on harsh public...
by JS Matthew 3 years ago
What makes a "Good Parent"? What key attributes do good parents possess?
by Giovanni 9 years ago
Do most parents have a favorite child?
by Linda Crampton 9 years ago
How can we encourage children to read for pleasure?
by Kim Kennedy 5 years ago
What would you do if you saw someone smack a child?Out shopping, I challenged a grandmother who smacked her toddler grandchild alongside me, because he was whingeing. We ended up having a row in the street, which I've never done with anyone before. How would you have acted?
by quietnessandtrust 10 years ago
I wonder why it is that a child has to be taught...not to steal, lie, cheat, curse, talk back, hit people, gossip, blame others, interupt, throw things, spit at folks, bite them...and on and on...I just wonder if we all come into this world with a nature that causes us to do these things without...
Copyright © 2021 Maven Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers on this website. HubPages® is a registered trademark of Maven Coalition, Inc. Other product and company names shown may be trademarks of their respective owners. Maven Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers to this website may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website.
|HubPages Device ID||This is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.|
|Login||This is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.|
|HubPages Traffic Pixel||This is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.|
|Remarketing Pixels||We may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.|
|Conversion Tracking Pixels||We may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.|