Why is it easier to be harder on children who are not yours?
Under your circumstance it's probably because both of you feel you're the "only one" truly connected to (your) child and feel a sense of guilt & obligation to be supportive in a "blended" family.
You're fully aware the child has only one biological parent in the household instead of two. Unintentionally you've formed an alliance because each of you had a child before you had each other. When you and your "other half" are married and believe it will be "permanent" odds are you'll both see the kids as (ours).
Aside from that it's not uncommon for people to have "blinders" on when it comes to those they love dearly. We even see this when it comes dating and ignoring "red flags".
We always look for ways to forgive and give second chances.
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