Mixed Messages

  1. profile image39
    CM27posted 9 years ago

    I have an ex-boyfriend who I have remained friends with in the six months since we have broken up, something that we both felt was necessary at the time because we were both just kind of lost.  While I typically have no trouble moving on, I cannot seem to get over this one.  I think he is still interested as well, but I am not sure if maybe I am just holding on to wishful thinking.  Here is a rundown of our current situation:
    We still talk daily.
    Our finances are still together.
    We have actually combined more of our finances (car insurance, cell phones) SINCE we broke up.
    While both of us have been out with other people, we cannot seem to admit it to one another.
    I was forced into a situation where I had to move - he suggested a house literally feet from his.

    I don't pretend to be good at understanding men, but this one has me all confused!!  I don't want to put my life on hold, but I do really still love him...
    Does it sound like perhaps he does as well or am I just reaching...

  2. CrystalSingleton profile image61
    CrystalSingletonposted 9 years ago

    It sounds like during your time together you really have grown to love each other. It's clear you don't want to hurt each other feelings by keeping your other dates a secret. You obviously both trust each other a lot too. In order to keep your accounts and things together trust is something you really value in one another. I suggest you go back and find out why you broke up in the first place. What drove you to the point of separation? I lived with a guy once for 5 years before we finally split paths and it was hard. We had all the same friends. We loved each other a lot, like you two.
    We loved a lot of the same things too. Ultimately for me I know I wanted some things in life down the road that he did not. Like marriage and kids.  Although we didn't fight often when we did it usually involved whether or not he was ever going to propose to me and whether or not we would compromise and at least have one kid. He wasn't willing to budge on that and I knew it was something I wanted. If not then one day I really would want that. I did not want to go another five years falling deeper in love with him knowing in my heart I would be passing up the chance at having my own family. I knew if he wasn't willing to marry me despite the fact that he loved me so much I guess I was the insecure one for thinking he would one day leave.

    I finally did move on. After like two more years of us hanging out and dating other people on the side.(Secretly) even though we were broken up like you we didn't want to hurt each other. I am glad I followed my dreams to pursue a family though. That's what I needed. Some people don't need a commitment. I did. I came from foster care so it meant the world to me that I had my own biological family now. Not to mention my husband who loves me just as much as he does. Follow your heart but be true to yourself too. Don't stick around just because you are scared. You may regret it later.

  3. CrystalSingleton profile image61
    CrystalSingletonposted 9 years ago

    ps. If you feel that strongly about it you should confront him. He's comfortable having you as a mate. Having you as a girlfriend is different though. His idea of being together may be different than what you may be thinking. I would propose a question to him "how silly it is that we hang out all the time and continue to combine our accounts even though we split up, what do you think that means?"
    (Some men want to have their cake and eat it too and they know when a woman is willing to do whatever for them even if they are the woman on the side) so be careful about that. I would just ask him directly since you are so close anyways.